Between
by moonstone88
Summary: Set after the first book, what would it have been like if Katniss had realised her feelings sooner, if Peeta had become what she needed. How would it have effected the rebellion and the Capitols plans. Follow our starcrossed lovers as they try and find happiness in the middle of war
1. Endings

A/N entering this one is a nice short and to the point chapter. I have more written but I'm choosing to spread it out a little bit. But I might put the second longer chapter up today haven't decided. This is my first delve into the world of Katniss and Peeta so I hope you enjoy

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I watch as Peeta walks away from me and I know that I have fundamentally broken him. It is only as he moves away that I truly realise, the games weren't an illusion for him. He truly and one hundred percent was showing me that this was him, that he really did feel for me and I have let my worries and fears corrupt something pure that he tried to give me. I turn and head back into my new home suddenly feeling heavier then I think possible.

My mother is gushing over the new house, our new home in the Victors village, but I don't hear it. Instead I side step her and head upstairs instead my thoughts drowning in Peeta. Suddenly the thought of not seeing him every day is making me ache, and now with no cameras around I have the urge to search him out and kiss him. It's such a stang impulse that it shocks me for a moment.

I find myself suddenly in my room with no recollection of climbing the last few steps to the landing and entering the bedroom. What is wrong with me, why am I so lost? Shaking my head my hands go to my hair delving into the braid and undoing the slinky knot. My hair falls to my shoulders in soft waves, and my fingers turn to the buttons of my dress undoing them nimbly until the material is able to slip easily from my body and I leave it pooled on the floor at my feet as I step out of it heading for the bed. I kick of my shoes, marvelling that soon I will be left to my own devices and able to wear my boots once more.

Soon I've peeled off the stockings and under skirt leaving me in nothing but the soft silk of my underwear. This I will miss, I enjoy having something so soft next to my skin after years of roughness, but I want nothing more than for things to go back to normal as much as possible.

Heading to the adjoining bathroom it hits me and I grip the doorframe to steady myself, flashes of horror that haunt me even in the daylight hours. It's worse at night, and I dread tonight knowing Peeta won't be there to climb into bed with me and chase away the worst of it. Shaking my head I pad into the bathroom and turn the water on hot letting it fill the room with steam. Stripping off the last of my clothes I slip into the hot water letting it cascade down my body and trying to warm my startling cold skin. Sliding my hands over my smooth arms my mind is filled with nothing but blue eyes and flashes of blond hair. How can he be haunting me when I know he is safe less than twenty metres from me? But he is, the boy with the bread, my saviour, I know he's going to have a starring role in my nightmares tonight.


	2. Nightmares

A/N well I wasnt exactly epected to put this up so soon but with three views already and others adding it to alert I thought what the hell I've got more to put up. So I hope you like this chapter, I have about six more already written so this is definitly going to be a long one. Hope you enjoy x

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Things slip into an unsteady routine in the Everdeen household. It's strange knowing that I don't have to get up and hunt or we will starve, and suddenly with my freedom I don't know what to do with myself. Cinna has been discussing what my talent for the tour will be but I just don't care. I know it's something I have to do, something that everyone in Panem will want to know about but my mind just keeps getting stuck. I'm not particularly good at anything other than shooting and he insists that I can't do that. He promises to send me a box with an abundance of ideas in the next shipment from the capitol and he makes me promise not to simply throw it out, because it's Cinna I listen knowing he is doing what's best for me once again.

I see Peeta sometimes, but he doesn't look at me anymore, not unless he has to. The cameras are gone for the moment, happy in the knowledge that the star crossed lovers are back in their district safe and sound. But we're not, and only the people who love us know this. I wake up screaming his name more than once a week now and Prim is usually there, she crawls into bed with me and does the best to calm my nerves but often that is it for the night and I give up and go for walks.

I've seen Peeta in the bakery a few times, but his father is more than happy for him not to work there full time now. He goes there when they have a special order for a wedding cake or some large occasion, or simply sometimes because someone from another district or the capitol has asked for a Peeta Mellark creation. But for the most part he's like me sticking to himself in his home.

Haymitch has slipped back into drinking and I'm doing my best to make sure he tries to keep himself fed. The only good thing that seems to have come out of this for Haymitch is Hazel Gale's mother. With Gale working in the mines full time now and it being harder for her to find work, I managed to talk her into being Haymitch's full time cleaner. He pays her well enough to buy food for her family, and I often give her the little game that I do catch, along with a few extras that I buy. Having this much money really isn't fun when you have no one to spend it on, so I give my friends and family what I can.

After another eventless day I climb the stairs to bed feeling more tired than I should considering I haven't done anything with myself. Stripping out of my clothes I pull on a pair of bed shorts and a soft white t-shirt and fall into bed, asleep within a few moments.

As usual the peacefulness of sleep doesn't last long and I am back in the arena this time stood on the cornucopia watching Cato with his arm around Peeta's neck. My heart is pounding in my ears, I know what Cato can do, how he can so easily snap a neck and as I reach out to Peeta I watch as his fingers reach for mine. Before they can touch though Cato laughs and I know I'm too late, he wrenches hard and I hear Peeta's neck snap a deafening crunch and I scream as I watch his body fall to the floor to be consumed by the Mutts.

I wake with the bed sheets tangled around my legs sweat pouring across my skin and the echo of my scream still in the air. I try to get my breathing under control but the burning in my chest tells me I haven't had enough oxygen and that makes my body panic even more. There is no Prim tonight to calm me, mother sent her to a friend's house for the night and I know she did it to give Prim a break from me. But at the moment I don't care, my mind is filled with images of Peeta's blue eyes glazing over and turning cold, of his body falling limply to the arena floor.

Before I know what is happening I've scrambled from the bed suddenly so desperate to see him that I don't even care that it's dark outside or that I'm barely dressed all I can think about is getting to him. Taking the stairs two at a time I'm at the back door before my brain registers what's happening and I push out into the night air. It hits me like a cold slap, my sweat stained skin rising in gooseflesh but I don't let it slow me. I'm around Haymitch's house and into Peeta's garden in moments and it's only as my feet hit his porch that I think about what I'm doing, what I would look like to him. But I can't stop, my feet have carried me though the door and up the stairs before my mind can tell me to stop and think.

For once I simply listen to what my body needs and push my way into his room. He's asleep in bed of course, the sheets tangled around his waist his chest bare in the moonlight filtering through the window, but still my mind won't calm. He's so very still and it's only as I cross the room that I see the tell-tale signs of him breathing, his chest rising steady and the soft snore leaving his lips. I know I should leave now, I know he's safe and alive, but my fingers itch to touch him. My internal struggle rages for a moment until my need wins out and I crawl onto the bed.

He's awake instantly and I can tell his breathing has stopped and his blue eyes are suddenly open soaking in the moonlight and reflecting it back at me.

"Katniss? What…" he begins to try and sit up and I simply push my fingers against his lips silencing whatever he was going to say.

Instead I pull myself in against his body, looping my leg around his and pushing him back onto the sheets. He settles back against the bed but his eyes never leave my face and I know he doesn't understand what's going on. A part of me knows how cruel this is, how much I must be hurting him with my mixed messages but I can't help it. In the dark of the night I can admit to myself how much I need his touch and right now that is all I'm craving.

He curls his arm around me so that I can settle my head against the curve of his shoulder and chest. His hand rest against my hip his fingers spread wide and I can feel the seeing touch though the resistance of the material of my top and shorts. I want more, more tactile sensation that I can usually stand and so I spread my hand across his chest until it rests over his heart and I can feel its steady beat there.

This above everything else calms me and suddenly it's all I can do to keep my eyes open. Now that my body has calmed I know I should climb from the bed and flee, but he's so warm and comfortable, and his heartbeat under my fingertips is like a lullaby singing me to sleep.

As my eyelids finally win and I close them I swear I feel his lips against my hair and I pull the feeling with me into the first dreamless sleep I've had since we returned home.


	3. Tangle

thank you lovely people who have reviewed so far, I hope you are enjoying yourselves and that this chapter is up to snuff. I had to redo this one cause my brain frazed and the tenses went a little wonky, think I've caught them all now though, but if you find something wrong feel free to message me so I can fix it. I have a real feeling this is going to be a long story and I have to warn my posts won't normally be this frequant... I don't know whats wrong with me at the moment my mind is actually working lol. so read review but most of all enjoy!

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I wake with a startle momentarily disorientated by my surroundings. The light streaming through the window seems wrong until I realise it's because it's on the right when my window is on the left, that the bed I had been sleeping in is against the opposite wall to mine. Then it all comes flooding back, the nightmare and my desperate run to Peeta's house. Suddenly I'm very aware that I am alone in his bed with no idea where the owner has gone.

I can feel a blush creep up my neck and into my cheeks as I step from the bed and stumble into the adjoining backroom locking the door behind me. What was I thinking last night, how could I have done this to Peeta again I was going to hurt him even though I never meant it. Running the taps over the small sink I splash cool water against my face and steel myself to look in the mirror hanging over the sink.

My hair is a mess, tussled from sleep and slightly wild. Its only then that I realise I've caught leaves in it, probably from my desperate scramble around the bushes the night before. What must I have looked like to him? If the wild glint that is fading slowly from my eyes is any indication I shudder at the thought.

Just then I hear someone move into the bedroom and realise that Peeta is back from wherever he had gone. I wish I knew what time it was, its disorientating waking somewhere like this and I want to brush my teeth and straighten myself out but this isn't my bathroom. I settle for running my fingers through my hair, snagging all the bits of debris from it. I then squeeze a little of his toothpaste onto my finger and scrub it over my teeth, at least it gives me a moment to think.

When I'm done I rinse my mouth and stare at myself in the mirror thinking wildly _you are Katniss Everdeen, you are the 74__th__ hunger games co- champion, you should not be hiding in the bathroom like a child, _with a sigh I shake myself and straighten my t-shirt my fingers pausing at my hip as I remember his hands there the night before. I shiver at the memory suddenly desperate for more but I push it down, I have no idea what Peeta is going to say to me when I finally leave this room.

Taking a deep breath I close my fingers around the doorknob and turn until I hear the click and slowly I open it. At first I don't see him panic rising that he has left again but then he's there sitting on the side of the bed, his cool eyes locking onto mine as I push the door open. For a moment we simply stare at each other and I wish for the look he used to give me, not the cold distance I get now. I'm frozen as I look at him and realise he's still dressed as he was the night before, in nothing but a pair of light grey work out pants that he obviously sleeps in. His feet are bare and I can see his prosthetic foot a gleaming reminder of what I have put this boy through. All at once I'm crying and I have no idea why.

For a moment he simply stares at me, and I want to run from the room but my legs won't listen to my command, and then he's rising from his seat. For a moment I'm unsure of what he is going to do and I close my eyes tight feeling the hot tears slide unchecked across my cheeks. Of all the things I was expecting what he did next definitely wasn't one.

A heart beat after I close my eyes I feel him there stood in front of me and then his arms are around me and he's pulling me against his chest. My hands go out blindly clutching at his bare chest wanting nothing more than to be closer to him. He leads me backwards, my face pressed against his collarbone, his hand in my hair holding my head, until his legs hit the bed and he sits down roughly pulling me with him.

All at once I'm in his lap my legs tucked up against him and he pulls me up the bed so he can lean against the headboard. I want to say something but I can't stop the shaking that set into me suddenly and instead I just clutch at him desperate for more of his touch.

"Oh Katniss," he whispers into my hair, and he sounds like himself again, like my Peeta not the cold thing I have seen since we return.

For a moment that makes me cry harder, but then his hands are there smoothing over my face, chasing the tears away and I feel myself calming again. Soon he is simply holding me and my crying has stopped, my breathing returning to normal. I want to say so many things to this boy who is still trying to save me and who I have hurt so badly but they all get tangled on my tongue.

I don't know how I feel; I can't sort out the jumble of emotions that are tied up in my chest. I didn't want any of this did I, that's why I pushed him away when I returned. Hadn't I always told myself I didn't want someone to hold me like this, I didn't need anyone to make me strong. Gale's face flashes through my mind and my teeth clamp down on my lip as I realise what's happening to me. Somewhere in my mind I must of thought that if this had to happen it would be Gale there holding me, we knew each other inside and out so completely. But then Peeta was there and he pushed himself so completely into my life that I didn't think I could survive without him.

I look up into his eyes, seeing them free and clear if not a little reserved and I wanted to tell him everything he wants to hear, but I'm not there yet. I know now that I need him, that I could feel the stirrings of something in my heart and know he was already there ahead of me as always, but I still can't say it. I would not give this boy false hope to snatch it away with my selfishness again. Instead I tilt my head back closing my eyes and pressed my lips again his.

For a moment he doesn't respond but then his lips are shaping against mine in a kiss full of desperate need that I return gladly. His fingers in my hair turn me so that he can deepen the kiss and I can feel his other hand on my shoulder, his fingers teasing the skin there. I press my hands against his chest letting his steady heat sink into me as he runs his tongue along my lip and I gave him access. He sighs into my mouth as he deepens the kiss and my skin catches fire.

This kiss is like none of the others we have shared, it's passionate and deep and completely ours. There were no cameras here watching our every move, no mandates and plans, this is simply us two people thrown together by circumstances who had found their way into more than just a part of each other's lives. Somehow I knew Peeta has made his way into my heart but I just didn't know what that means.

But before either of us can see where this is going to lead there's a sharp knock at his front door and we startle apart. He looks at me his eyes slightly wild as he realises what has just happened but before any words can leave his lips there's the knock again and he's moving to lift me from his lap. I want to hold onto him, to tell him not to leave but I can't. Soon he's detangled himself from me and I watch as he crosses the room to his bedroom door. For a moment he turns to look at me, his expression still startled but then he slips from the room and heads down the stairs.

I scrambled from the bed as if the sheets were on fire and stride across the room to the doorway my ears straining to hear the sounds coming from downstairs. What must Peeta be thinking right now, how could I have kissed him like that. I press my fingers to my tingling lips feeling the aftereffect of his warmth and it makes me squirm, how did I get like this my mind being scrambled by a boy.

But thoughts of the kiss skitter from my mind as I hear a familiar voice in the kitchen.

"I don't know where she could be, her hunting gear is still in the hall closet and no one saw her leave this morning," my mother's voice sounds almost desperate and I realise what she woke to this morning.

The sheets of my bed twisted and probably torn, my bedroom door ajar and probably the back door as well. What must she have thought when she came in to wake me for breakfast.

"Please calm down Mrs Everdeen she's fine," Peeta's voice is so calm and soothing I know my mother will listen to it, "she came her last night. As you know we both suffer from nightmares and I guess it just got too much for her."

I can hear shuffling now and I picture my mother sitting at the table in the kitchen that resembles ours perfectly.

"It's my fault I sent Prim to a friend's house for the night, I know she helps Katniss with her nightmares, but its more than I child should have to deal with," I know my mother is right but it still stings to hear her say it, "but then what you've both been through is more than you should have to deal with."

I want to leave the room, but I don't know what to say, don't know how I can face my mother or Peeta.

"She'll be fine Mrs Everdeen as soon as the tour is over she can stop thinking about the games and move forwards with her life," I know this isn't true and so does Peeta but it settles my mother, "she's still asleep at the moment but when she wakes up I'll send her right home."

I realise because I haven't come down he must know that I'm not sure what to do and suddenly a flash of anger spits through my body, damn you Peeta why are you still trying to protect me. I make a move to head out of the door but then my mother is saying ok and leaving and I find myself frozen in the hallway watching as Peeta climbs the stairs his eyes locked onto me.

"Now Katniss you are going to explain to me what the hell is going on," he says his voice barely above a whisper but it makes me swallow hard my throat suddenly very dry.

I know I'm cornered as I watch him approach and know I have no choice but to spill the mess that's been tumbling though my mind but where do I start.


	4. Falling

a/n ok so this chapter slips totally where I did not expect it to go for a while but it works for what I want them to become, but saying that if you are not a smut (for lack of a better term since this isn't completely that way) then avoid this one, you can still read the next chap when i post and get what has happened I made sure of that. Otherwise I hope you enjoy and that you get what I'm trying to do here. x

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Sitting on the edge of Peeta's bed I fiddle with the edge of my top, my fingers needing something to do so I won't reach out and brush them though his hair. He's watching me silently waiting for me to make the first move and I don't blame him, why should he trust anything that has happened in the last few hours. Not a day ago we were each giving the other a wide birth after all.

He's watching me but I find it hard to keep eye contact with him, not simply because I don't know what to say, but because every time I look into his eyes I see that kiss and I want to repeat it. I can feel the heat of his hands on my skin like they never left me and I want more of it. Shaking my head my fingers twist in the material of my t-shirt and I sigh, and on the heels of it he sighs as well and I can't help looking up at him. He's torn his gaze from me and is scrubbing his hand over his face and I take the opportunity to watch him. He looks tireder than I realised, small bags under his eyes and I realise he's not been faring through the nightmares like me.

'Why don't you start with what happened last night?" he asks and my eyes drop as he looks at me again.

Nodding I turn slightly so he's at my back instead of in my eye line knowing I won't be able to get it all out with him looking at me, I can still feel his eyes but now they're on my back and not my face it makes it easier to think, well a little anyway.

"I had a nightmare, the usual really. Cato had you by the throat and I couldn't reach you, I tried but as my fingers grazed yours he snapped your neck and I watched your eyes grow dark and then you were gone," my voice is barely a whisper now and I can feel the tears in the back of my throat threatening to choke me again.

"It was a nightmare about me?" he asks making me turn to look at him and see the genuine shock.

It hits me then that Peeta doesn't realise how much losing him would affect me, that he played a starring role in most of my nightmares now.

I nod simply and watch as a multitude of different emotions filter across his face.

"But you said it wasn't real," he whispers and I easily pick up where his thoughts have taken him.

"I lied," I say simply because it's the truth, at the time I didn't realise it was a lie but now I do.

He looks up then and my eyes collided with his bright blue gaze locking me in place. I can see the anger in his eyes, and I expect that but there is something more hidden in their depths, and dare I say it looks like hope.

Slowly I reach out and smile as he doesn't pull his hand away from me so that I can wrap his hand in mine and pull it up so that it rests softly against my cheek. I hold his hand there basking in the heat of it and simply give in to the need I have for him. I close my eyes and soak in the feel of his touch and I'm so relieved when I drop my hand and he doesn't pull away, instead his fingers spread wider so that he can run his thumb over my lip.

"What are we doing Katniss?" he asks and I open my eyes to find that he is closer to me his nose nearly touching mine.

"I don't know Peeta, but I do know I need you," there I finally said it, finally admitted what had been locked in my heart.

Before I can say anything else his lips are on mine and I'm melting into his embrace. My lips meld to his and I can taste the desperation in his kiss and my body instantly responds. I pull closer to him, my arms circling his neck and his hands go to my hips pulling me up so that I'm sat on his lap my legs dangling over his. I moan as his hand skitters up my spine and that spurs him on. Things have never been like this between us, so very heated. Suddenly I can't get enough of him and I want to touch him everywhere. My skin feels to tight and I want nothing more than to feel his hands run along me, I don't know where the feeling has come from but I don't care I simply give myself over to it.

This is about nothing but me and Peeta, this moment belongs solely to us and that thought is intoxicating. I moan again as his hand slips underneath my top to caress my back his fingers sending electric shocks through my blood.

"Peeta," I desperately pant and his hands on my hips he lifts me again without breaking the kiss so that I can straddle him.

Suddenly I come into contact with the evidence of how much he is enjoying himself and instead of scaring me away like I would have expected it spurs me on. All at once the weeks without his touch come cascading down around me and I need more of him then I can reach. Before he can protest I break our kiss and pull my top off over my head.

For a moment he sits in stunned silence the move completely unexpected, after all I was the girl that blushed at the thought of cleaning his body down when we were in the games. But this is here and now, safe in Peeta's room where there are no cameras. He snaps out of the shock seconds later and his eyes locked onto mine reaches out to spread his hands across my ribs, his thumbs coming up to brush the underside of my bra. I throw my head back with the pleasure riding my body almost too much to bear. I want to desperately rip my clothing off my to heated skin, but his hands feel wonderful as one dips to spread across my stomach, exploring slowly every dip and curve of my muscles.

I reach out blindly and find my fingers digging into his shoulders and I feel his other hand become bold and reach out to cup my left breast. I bite the inside of my cheek as heat blooms between my thighs and I press myself harder into his lap trying to find some friction and release from this need. He grunts at my movement and I look at him to find his jaw is tense and his eyes squeezed shut. For a moment I think I did something wrong, but quickly realise he is having as much trouble as I am but in a good way and that just spurs me on further.

Pulling his hand from where it is splayed across my stomach I put it on my other breast and give his hand a squeeze. He instantly complies with my unspoken command and squeezes my breasts just right and I swear I hear him whisper something like perfect, and I thank god Haymitch won the enhancement fight. I feel my nipples grow taught the friction of the material against my skin feels wonderful but I know his bare hands would feel so much more.

Just as I'm about to direct his hand to the clasp at the back, he moves and I open my eyes just as his lips come down on my right breast. I gasp as I feel the hot wetness of his mouth even through the material of the bra, I moaning again I grind myself against him and he rewards me with another grunt and his other hand snakes around my back to press me tightly against him. His fingers on my spine fumble a moment with inexperience but then he has the clasp undone and the material sags forwards slightly.

He lifts his head from my breast his eyes locking onto mine and his hands slip to my shoulders and oh so slowly he pushes the straps down freeing my breast completely.

This time I hear him when he whispers, "Beautiful," and then his lips are back at my breast sending shivers of fire through my body.

I gasp my fingers scrambling at his shoulder as I desperately try to find something to cling to. Before I can move though his hands move to my hips and I squeal out slightly as he flips us both over until I'm on my back and he's on his knees between my thighs. Now I'm breathing heavily as I look up into his hot gaze.  
"You drove me to insanity Katniss," he whispers out and I want to say I'm sorry but sorry isn't big enough.

Instead I reach out and push my fingers into his hair pulling him down for a deep kiss which he returns fervently. I moan into his mouth as the weight of him presses against my most intimate area again and I can't help the wiggle of my hips. This time he gives me a returning moan and the sound is like flicking a match into gasoline. All of a sudden I can't get enough of him my fingers going to his pants and pushing at them desperately trying to push them down over his hips.

He breaks the kiss and turns to look at my hands, "we don't have to do this Katniss, we can stop right not," he says and for a moment a stab of hurt floats through my body thinking he doesn't want me, but then I look into his eyes and see he's protecting me, always protecting me.

"Please," I simply say and he melts, his hands going out to help me push the material down. He awkwardly pushes his pants down until he can kick them off and then it's just my shorts and his boxers separating us.

He grinds against me again and I gasp out his name at the feel of it, I want more desperately. His hands are at my hips lifting me then and I realise what he wants and help him slink my shorts down until I have to lift one leg so he doesn't have to step out of the circle of my thighs. Soon the offending material is gone and I lay beneath him completely naked. I know I should feel embraced but Peeta doesn't leave enough space in my mind for those thoughts to take over. His hand is hot as he spreads his fingers on my navel and slowly but surely moves them down. Soon his fingertips are sliding into my curls and I cry out at the first touch. He's tentative at first and it reminds me that after everything we have been though we are both brand new at this, that we are going to learn together and I like that.

Soon though his fingertips find that little bundle of nerves and I gasp out as he slides his hand against it.

"Peeta please," I beg unsure what I'm begging for but I know what I want.

I reach out and grip the waist band of his boxers pushing at it desperately trying to get at his flesh. She smiles at my attempts and takes his hand away from me, which I momentarily protest at until I see him step up onto his knees and push down his boxers. All of a sudden I feel a lump of fear in my throat, I'd heard the first time could hurt but looking up in to Peeta's eyes I know he isn't going to hurt me. Soon the last barrier is gone and I'm looking at Peeta in all of his glory.

I want to cry, can feel the tears prickling in my eyes but I know he will take it the wrong way so instead I simply reach for him and he settles himself back between my thighs. I can feel him pressing at my entrance now and I can't help the impatient wiggles.

"Katniss you have to stop that," he bites off his fingers digging into my hips to still me and I bite the inside of my cheek to stop my movements.

Then he's moving forwards, slowly but surely pushing himself into my body. I feel the slight dull ache as he breaks through my last barrier, but I don't say anything knowing I could still scare him away. As he reaches the end though he starts to pull back out and I forget any fears of pain it feels so wonderfully decadent I'm drowning in the feel of him.

Soon his rhythm picks up and I have my hands clamped onto his arms my fingers digging into his skin but he doesn't seem to notice. I lift my hips giving him better access as I wrap my legs around his back and suddenly the angle is perfect and he's bumping up against something inside of me that feels so wonderful. I can feel heat spread in my abdomen and know I'm going to lose it any second and since Peeta is losing the rhythm to his hips I know he is right there with me.

All at once he pushes deep inside of me bumping up against that spot and he tips me over the edge. I clutch at him as I scream out a mangled version of his name and as my muscles tighten around him I know that I've pushed him over the edge as well and with a grunt he lets himself go inside of me. He collapses on top of me his weight still held off me, but his heat pressing along my skin and it's wonderful.

We lay there for a moment getting our breathing back under control and soon I can feel him slipping naturally from my body. I feel a little bereft at the loss, but then he pulls away completely rolling onto his back, but he doesn't let me go, instead he wraps his arm around me and pulls me with him so that I'm resting my head against his chest. I drape my leg over his feeling the difference in his prosthetic leg for a moment but I push those thoughts away.

His hand is at my hip tracing circles and the feeling is soothing. My body is exhausted and I try to fight it, but the broken sleep coupled with that wonderful experience is more than my body can handle.

"Go to sleep Katniss," he whispers against my hair and I nod unable to fight it anymore.

I feel his lips pressed to my forehead and as I slip under and they move against my skin, "I love you," he whispers and I want to respond but the darkness crashes around me and I slip into sleep.


	5. Mornings

I wake to the early afternoon light flooding the room with warmth. Stretching I feel the slight ache in muscles I didn't know I had and smile, I could happily wake up like this every day. But it's as I stretch and turn that I realise I'm alone. I frown and sit up pulling the sheet over my exposed breasts as I do.

"Peeta?" I call out tentatively thinking he might be in the bathroom but there's no reply.

Not letting my worry get the best of my I slip from the bed pulling the sheet with me and wrap it around myself as I venture to the door that is pulled closed rather than shut. When I open it I can instantly smell what is most definitely bread baking. Following my nose I slip silently down the stairs and find myself in the kitchen.

Peeta has his back to me and I take a moment to take in his back. I can see the beginnings of real muscle there and realise that while we'd been home he'd been bulking himself up. He no longer had the look of a teenager not used to their body, but that of a man growing into what he has the potential to be. He turns then as if he felt my gaze on him and smiles a smile that steels my breath with its brilliance.

"Hi," he says simply and I can barely find my voice to reply.

"Hi yourself," I say as I walk to meet him halfway in the room.

His hands go around me pulling me to his body and I press the length of myself across him. The sheet gaps open a little and his hand finds my hip easily.

"Are you naked under here?" he asks his voice a little breathy and I look up to see his eyes dilated with lust.

"Yes," I simply reply and then he's kissing me again and it's just as hungrily as the night before.

I silently prey that neither of us gets used to this that this hunger I have for him never goes away. When he pulls back we're both panting slightly and smiling like idiots.

"Come on," he says turning me and making me sit at the table.

I watch him as he moves, this is his natural habitat at the woods is mine, he's at ease in the kitchen and you can tell. He turns then with a plate of cheese buns and my eyes light up.

"Careful they're still hot," he says as he places it in front of me and I have to fight the urge to dive on them.

He turns back to the table then with a pitcher of real orange juice and some strawberries; I had to admit that sometimes being a victor did have its perks and this was definitely one of them, lazy days in bed was definitely another of my favourites.

Reaching out I finally risk snatching one of the buns pulling the bread open and holding it up to my nose. I could still feel the warmth from it, but it wasn't enough to burn now, instead it just made it smell ever the more wonderful.

"I love the smell of bread," the words slip from my mouth so easily that I look up a little shocked and Peeta laughs lightly as he takes the seat opposite me.

"Well good thing you have me around then," he says as he pops a strawberry into his mouth.

I smile at him, but suddenly I'm back to the day of the Reaping with Gale in the woods. How he handed me the roll as a reaping gift and I snapped it in half smelling its wonderful scent. Did Peeta help his family make that very roll, were we inevitably tied together even then.

"Where'd you go?" he asks snapping me from my thoughts, his hand over mind where it rested on the table.

"Sorry just thinking about before the reaping, someone gave me a roll for a gift," I mumble more than say, "I was just wondering whether you made it or not," I force a smile to my lips willing myself not to spoil this.

"Probably," he replies simply and I know even without me saying that he realises who gave me the roll.

Gale hangs like an unwelcome intruder in our happy bubble and I don't like it.

"I don't love him," I blurt out and he glances at me frowning, "well I mean I do, but not that way. Gale has been a part of my life for so long that yes I love him, but I'm not in love with him, I just wanted you to know," I trail off my eyes dropping to the bread in my hands that I have nearly totally squashed.

When I look up again he's circling around the table to kneel in front of me. A small wince of pain crosses his features and I realise it must hurt his leg but he doesn't say anything, instead he reaches out, extracts the bread from my fingers and covers my hands with his.

"I know Katniss, I do," he smiles at me and I know it's a real smile I can tell by the twinkle in his eyes, "I know that what happened last night or today could have been otherwise," I smile as a blush spreads over his cheeks and he quickly clears his throat, "well that is I know that you didn't come to me with him on your mind."

He leans in then and kisses me and its sweet and full of the love that I can't express yet, but that he shows for the two of us. When he pulls back he smiles again and climbs to his feet. I watch as he settles back into his seat and I pick up the bread popping a piece in my mouth happily.

Soon we've made it through all of the rolls; I even let him have some, and polished off the fruit. I'm sipping my second glass of orange juice as he turns and looks out of the window at the sun crossing the sky. It's quickly turning into late afternoon and I know what he's thinking, we have to leave our bubble soon.

"I did promise your mum I'd send you back when you woke up," he says and I sigh.

"Yeah you did," I don't want to leave, I know the moment I leave his warmth the nightmares will return, but this is still to new and I know we both agree we have to keep it to ourselves until we know what is happening.

I don't want outside influences trying to shape this; I want this all to be our own with nothing of the capitol and its plots.

"I better go shower," I say feeling the slight sheen on my skin.

He nods and when I rise to my feet he's there instantly and presses a kiss to my forehead.

"I'll stay here otherwise we'll never get out of here," he whispers against my skin and I can't help the laugh that slips from my lips even as I feel my body quiver at the unspoken things between us.

Alone in the shower I can't help but run my hands over my skin which now feels so different to my own touch. I don't know how we are going to hide what we did today, won't everyone be able to take one look at me and see the differences, but then I think about how different I am from before anyway and guess it would just be another thing to add to the pile.

When I emerge from the bathroom it's to find that Peeta has left a pair of his sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt for me to wear. I slip the material on and instantly breathe in his scent. It clouds my mind and I let it wanting to life in the bubble for a few minutes more. I pull my still damp hair into a lose braid and venture out into the world to find Peeta.

I find him in the living room now wearing a pair of faded work pants and a loose shirt, "thanks for the clothes," I say and he smiles at me instantly.

Crossing the room and wraps me in his arms his face buried against my hair, "come and see me in the morning," he whispers and I simply nod.

When I pull back he pulls me against him again and I kiss him deeply suddenly desperate for his touch. I want to stay with him again but I know we can't my mum can stand one night but not two. So I detangle myself from him regretfully and he lets me. I don't let him walk me home knowing I won't be able to let him go if he does, so instead he stands on the porch and watches me move past Haymitch's house to my own. On the porch I pause and lifting my hand smile and he smiles in return, then steeling a breath I push inside.

* * *

A/N hope your enjoying what I've got so far, I've managed to be pretty steady with my updates but I'm coming to the end of what I've managed to write so far so dont know how steady they will be from here. I'm re-reading mockingjay at the moment and theres so many bits in it that i want to factor in that i think this is defo going to be a long story. I just keep thinking what would my version of Katniss and Peeta be like if he was hijacked and sent to kill her, it would break her in a whole other way i think. I have this itch to explore than, what do you think my lovely readers. well hope you enjoyed this x


	6. Missteps

The house is quiet when I enter and I realise Prim probably isn't back from staying with her friend. Just then I hear my mother shuffling around in the room she has made her own, obviously going through the healing supplies she has. I move down the hallway to the back room and find her on the floor going through one of the chests that we brought from the old house. She looks up when she hears me smiling and climbs from her feet wiping her hands on her shirt as she does.

"You worried me," she says simply stopping short of actually hugging me.

We stand for a moment in the awkward silence and I sigh, "I'm sorry it's just hard you know," I trail off unsure of what to say and she simply nods.

I cross into the room circling the wooden work bench in the middle and heading for the wall where she has all of her remedies jarred and ready to go. My fingers linger over some of the jar's labels as I read them in her familiar flowing writing. It's only as I reach a certain one that I pause. My fingers are still around the little jar and suddenly my throat is closing and I'm fighting for breath, how I could be so stupid.

"Are you alright Katniss," my mother has picked up instantly on my mood change since she's hyper aware about everything to do with me since I returned.

"Yeah mum," I choke out and turn to smile at her as I slip the small jar from the wall and turn so she can't see it in my hands, "I think I might go make some tea and have a shower," I realise after I say that that she can clearly see my damp hair but I ignore her frown and slip from the room.

"Some tea would be wonderful," she calls but doesn't follow and I'm glad.

I run up stairs first stripping of Peeta's pants and pulling on a pair of my soft hunting ones. I don't take his t-shirt off though, I like the scent of him so close to my skin, but I need to be able to move a little easier than the larger pants allow. I slip my feet into my soft leather boots feeling more myself, and sneak back to the kitchen. My mother isn't around but I know she has put the kettle onto heat since its bubbling away and I look down the corridor to see her shadow move in her work room. She must have heard me head up and thought she'd put the kettle on.

Carefully I position myself so I'd know if she was coming before she would see me, and I look down at the jar clenched in my hand. Inside are small pouches of dried herbs, that look like the herbs my mother uses to make tea, thankfully, but are designed for a completely different thing.

How could Peeta and I be so stupid, we were brand new and an accident wasn't something either of us needed right then. Popping the lid on the jar I fish one of the pouches out dropping it into my cup and read underneath the lid for the instructions. Thankfully it says it will work up to six hours after the fact and we hadn't reached that threshold yet I was still safe.

Fishing out the tea jar I slip one into a mug for my mother before I pour the water into both cups. On instinct I grab some more of the pouches from the jar making sure to fluff the others up so she won't notice and slip them into my pocket, before I snag her tea cup and head from the workroom.

She's back on her hands and knees when I return digging through the trunk again. She smiles at me when I enter, and I place her cup down on the work bench.

"Oh thanks hunny," she says but I can tell she is distracted by what she is doing as she hasn't looked up to see what I'm doing.

Thankfully I have a chance to circle around the room and slip the jar back into place before she notices. Sighing with relief I offer her some of the biscuits someone left us a few days ago and she happily agrees climbing to her feet to follow me back into the kitchen.

When I reach my own cup I use one of the spoons to fish out the mesh bag and quickly dump it into the bin before she can notice any difference from a normal tea bag. She invites me to sit with her and we sit at the table enjoying nibbles of the biscuits. I take the first sip of my tea and wince at the taste, its bitter and normally I'd add lemon to my tea but I have no idea how it would react with these herbs, so I simply sip my tea and try not to wince outwardly. Mum is chatting happily and avoiding asking me what happened today at all costs and I'm happy, because I don't know what I can possibly say in response.

Just then there's a bang and Haymitch stumbles in, I can tell he's drunk but he's not completely gone for once. He plops down on a chair next to me and gives me a lopsided grin.

"Ooo tea don't mind if I do," part of me knows he's joking as he makes a snatch for my drink but I panic and slap his hand away a little too hard.

"Jeez girl I didn't mean it," my mother is frowning at me now and I'm worried about what she's thinking so I down my tea in one gulp shivering slightly, and turn to Haymitch.

"What do you want?" I ask trying to mask the fact that my stomach is revolting at the taste of the tea.

"Well Effie called, apparently she couldn't reach you here," my eyes flash to my mother who shrugs.

"I was going to tell you she called but I forgot," she says simply and I know she's thinking about what happened today now.

"Anyway, they are moving up the tour by a month, so she wants you to work on your talent," Haymitch grimaces at that and I know exactly what he's thinking, I don't exactly have one.

With a sigh I sit back in my chair and think, "I'll call Cinna tomorrow," I mumble and he cracks a small smile.

"Good," his errand done he stumbles to his feet and disappeared out of the back door.

"I'm going for a walk mum," I say as I rise to my feet suddenly to hot inside.

"Ok Hun will you be home for tea?" I make a noncommittal noise as I leave but don't say anything, I just need to think.

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a/n hope ur all enjoying this so far as much as I am enjoying writing would love to hear what you all think of it so far...


	7. Walks

Its cooler outside now as the sun is starting to sink low on the horizon and I know that the last of summer is leaving us, the woods around us will turn golden brown soon and then the snow will be here. I love district 12 in the snow, it covers a multitude of sins and darkness making everything seem so clean and white, it doesn't last long of course nothing ever does, but I suddenly find myself excited at the prospect of winter.

Before I know it I find myself at the back of Peeta's house unsure how I managed to make it there without realising. With a sigh I climb the back porch steps but before I can knock he's there the door swinging open and I'm swallowed by his smile and his amazing eyes.

"Couldn't stay away hay," he says and with an almost delirious giggle I fall into his arms and kiss him.

He pushes his fingers into my hair and I moan into the kiss as the fingertips of his other hand presses along my jaw and throat. God I want nothing more than to fall into his arms again, to ignore what Haymitch has told me and its unspoken implications. What was Snow doing moving things up, I know it was his idea undoubtedly but I just don't get it. My thoughts are stolen though when Peeta steps forwards so he's pressing completely against me and I can feel the heat of him through our clothes. God do I want there to be nothing against us again, but I know I have the break the kiss.

Before either of us can whip up enough will power though someone behind me clears their throat and we spring apart and I can feel the blush painting its way across my cheeks. We turn to find Haymitch stood behind us at the bottom of the steps a frown evident on his face.

"I was coming to tell Peeta about Effie," he say simply frowning again as Peeta steps past me and skips down the steps slightly obviously not caring that Haymitch had just caught us.

"She called," I stutter out and Peeta turns then to see the blush on my cheeks, he smiles and I know he's enjoying my reaction.

"Yeah," Haymitch says simply, "Katniss can I have a word," he bites out through clenched teeth and I know he isn't happy with me.

I nod and push my way down the steps stopping to press a kiss on Peeta's cheek as I do.

"I'll be back," I whisper and he nods but he's frowning as I reach Haymitch and follow him around the side of the house and out of Peeta's eye line.

"What are you playing at," Haymitch bites out as soon as we're clear, catching my arm to pull me to a stop.

"What do you mean," I say already feeling my anger rising.

"You know exactly what I mean sweetheart," he spits bitterly, "we both know that Peeta isn't pretending but what the hell are you playing at."

I'm really angry now, he thinks I'm using Peeta even after everyone is gone. How could he possibly think that? But then I stop my thoughts there as I think he can easily really since I've done it before? That thought brings me up short and I swallow back my anger.

"This is none of your business, if I'd had my way you would have never known," pushing past him I run around the side of the house before he can say anything else and then I'm back in Peeta's arms.

He frowns as he envelopes me but doesn't say anything, what does it matter what people see now, they will think it's part of the star crossed lovers after all. I go on tiptoe desperately seeking his lips and he rewards me with a hard kiss.

"Are you alright?" he asks and I smile.

"I am now," he laughs and I take his hand, "come for a walk with me?" I ask and he simply nods squeezing my hand.

I can feel Haymitch's eyes on me as we move but I don't say anything, ignoring him and centring completely on Peeta.

I ignore him completely as Peeta takes my arm and we walk into the open where it's quieter, after all our houses are the only three in the whole of the place occupied.

"What did Haymitch want?" Peeta asks finally and I sigh.

"I think he thinks I'm using you," I say and that pulls Peeta up short.

I look up into his eyes and I see something cloud them for a moment, "I know you're not Katniss that's all the matters," I can hear the anger in his voice and I know Haymitch must have pressed on a nerve but I don't say anything I simply press my hand against his cheek and he smiles softly closing his eyes.

When he opens them again they've cleared and I know I have him back. We turn and in unspoken agreement head towards the village, it's still light enough outside that we reach the shops before they've actually closed up and I stop in the sweet shop to pick Prim up a gift, just a few sweets but to thank her for putting up with me. When we reach Peeta's family bakery his father is inside alone and when he sees us he rushes forward and opens the door ushering us inside.

"Hey kids," he smiles warmly as I slip past and I can see where his son got his smile from, "out for a walk?" he asks as he flips the open sign to closed.

"Yeah thought I'd swing by see if you need help in the morning," Peeta says as he lifts himself onto the counter to perch and I stand next to him highly aware of his hand on the nape of my neck tickling the hairs there.

Since we have been back Haymitch has made us go for walks together often in town, most of the time holding hands with the occasional peck, but I know that this is something no one in the town has seen and I know that's my fault. That I was the one that always put up blocks, but now I let myself melt into his touch. I close my eyes as his hand skims down my neck and over my shoulder and when I open them I find myself starring directly at Peeta's father who is watching us pensively. I know for a fact that he didn't completely buy the star crossed lovers as many people who knew us both well didn't, but what he's seeing now isn't part of any act and I know he is smart enough to know the difference but I don't say anything.

Peeta and his father chat happily for a while and I allow myself to enjoy it, allow the normalness of it all sink into my skin, things hadn't been normal recently ever since the games ripped into our lives and it was nice to sink into it even if it was just for a moment. His father chats with him about a cake ordered by a family in the capital some monstrosity that would definitely need his help but that wasn't for over a week.

They wrap things up and soon Peeta and I were heading for the door. As we stop to say goodbye I can't help myself, turning with a smile I press a kiss to his father's cheek. He looks at me startled for a moment but then smiles patting my shoulder before turning back into the shop and then he's gone.

I can see now how this man that loved my mother could have ended up with a woman like Peeta's mother. He is exactly like his son seeing the best in everyone and I wonder if at some point she wasn't as angry as she is, now once he could find something deep in her to love and now he is simply stuck with his choices. He is gentle and kind and would have loved my mother fiercely just as it seemed his son loved me. I wonder for a moment how things would have been but I am happy they aren't, I don't think the idea of Peeta being my brother is a pleasurable thought.

We head back to the village as dusk settles on our small town making things calm and cool. With summer fading I know that autumn will settle over us and the victory parade will come. We have a lot of things to prepare before that though and I know I have a lot of things I need to sort out before we leave, but for the moment I just enjoy Peeta's hand in mine.

* * *

A/N hope you're enjoying so far, things have been a little quiet on the review front so how about some nice encouragement. I've got five more chapters already written so a little encouragement from you could lose them on the internet quicker lol. I've been a little naughty writing further into the story and now i have to double back and get some linking done but I think you are really gunna like what i have. xx


	8. Hunting

A few weeks later finds me sat on the edge of Peeta's bed listening to him downstairs. Haymitch thinks he's being smart coming at all hours to seek us out, but we've figured out his game. Sometimes I sneak into Peeta's house and join him in bed, sometimes he comes to me, and other times we stay apart. I don't like those nights the nightmares come thick and strong as if Peeta holds them back and they flood over when he's not there with an accumulative effect.

Right now it's just past midday and claiming a need for a hunting trip I left the house and came to find Peeta my need for his skin making my own grow tight. When he comes up the stairs he's practically laughing.

"I think Haymitch is wising up, he knows for a fact that something more than kissing is going on here," he says as he crosses the room stripping off his shirt as he moves.

For a moment I am lost in his movements and he laughs. I frown at him but stand up and let the sheet I had pulled across myself fall to the floor. All at once he is speechless as well, the laughter slipping from his face to be replaced by love and definitely a hint of lust. I'm in his arms at once and we lose time wrapped around each other.

A few hours later my head is resting against his chest and I'm lost in following the thrum of his heartbeat. Listening to it is one of my favourite things to do, since at the moment my nightmares centre around it stopping and it makes me ache to even think about it.

"Do you need more tea," he asks against my hair and I smile as my hand comes up to trail circles across his chest.

"No," I reply simply and he nods.

After the first time I have been careful, keeping a supply of the tea at his house constantly. I figured out what herbs my mother used for it and realising they weren't hard to find had made my own supply up so she wouldn't be suspicious. Ever since I take it like clockwork, one cup every two days and we both knew we were as safe as we could be. After I explained what it was I was drinking to Peeta he had paled and then begged my forgiveness, which of course I didn't need to give, neither of us had been expecting this but now we were prepared for it. But ever since he was hyper aware constantly asking me, as always protecting me even from my own foolishness.

Pushing up on my elbow I look down at him my hand skittering along his skin to rest over his heart where my face has just been leaning.

"What are your plans for this afternoon?" I ask as he reaches out and pulls a lock of my hair between his fingers.

I've quickly realised that he likes to feel my hair, even when we were in the games he would reach out and run the tip of my braid through his fingers, but now he luxuriates in being able to touch it whenever he wants.

"I'm going to finish up the last of the paintings for my collection," he says simply and I nod.

I haven't seen any of his paintings yet, he won't let me see them until the collection is complete, but I'm dying to see what he is immortalising on canvas. Cinna and I worked on my 'talent' for a while until he gave up and told me it was going to be clothing design. Of course I haven't made a thing, Cinna is most definitely the brains of this outfit and I hate taking credit for his wonderful work, but he's right I have to do something.

"I guess I have to go hunting since mum is expecting game," I say laughing and he's laughing with me.

I've become quite addicted to the sound of his laugh and I want more so I lean over him and quickly my hand darts to his ticklish side. He lets out a very unmasculine squeak and then his hands are on mine and he flips me over effectively pinning me beneath him ending the game. But he has another game on his mind and I am more than happy to play along.

When we finally find the courage to part I leave him at home slipping into his studio and head out into the woods. As usual I pause at the fence listening for the hum that I know isn't going to be there but my body has taught me to be wary of. When I know its safe a slip under the fence and head straight for where I keep my hunting things now. Once I have my bow in hand I feel more settled. It's a little scary to me how quickly I have come to depend on being with Peeta, but out here in places I can tread without opening my eyes I feel like myself pre-games.

It's not long until I find what I want; climbing a tree I spot a squirrel one I know Peeta will like, as his father does as well. Steadying my breath I block everything out as I raise my bow and feel the wind on my cheek using it to gage the shot. Just as I'm about to let my arrow fly I hear a branch break behind me and I spin aiming my arrow at whoever has followed me. I have a split second before I lose my arrow to realise that it's Gale and I drop the bow sighing.

"Hello catnip," he smiles and I can't help but return it with a smile he has worked years to earn.

It's only as I see him that I realise it must be Sunday, his only free day from the mines, and he looks tired.

"You scared the squirrel off," I moan as I turn around and indeed see that my prey has disappeared.

"I'm sure I can find you another," he laughs and I simply throw a withering look over my shoulder as I turn and trudge deeper into the forest.

I can feel him at my back, an old comforting presence that is for once not so comforting. It takes me a moment to realise what's wrong and when I do it brings me up short. I stop so suddenly he very nearly walks into the back of me and turning I find him nearly nose to nose with me. Taking a breath I step back and he frowns obviously not liking the distance I'm putting between us.

"What is it?" he asks instantly picking up on my unease.

I try and brush it off forcing a smile but I can't help it, I don't like being alone and this close to him. Gale has made it very clear what he wants from me, and all of a sudden it's hit me that he might not know what is going on between me and Peeta.

"It's nothing really, I well I haven't see you for a while," I pause then floundering for what to say next.

He's frown is growing more agitated and I know he feels that something is coming, like a train barrelling down on us in slow motion that we can't get out of the way of.

"I haven't had chance to talk to you about well, about me and Peeta," he smiles then like he thinks he's figured it out and reaches for my hand were it hangs at my side.

I sidestep the gesture and he freezes his smile disappearing completely, "Katniss," he whispers and I know he's finally caught up.

I swallow and try to find words in my throat but they just won't come. He's shaking his head now as if he can undo the moments that have passed between us with a gesture but I can't find the right things to say so I simply sigh and look down that the underbrush that surrounds us.

"No it can't be true, I mean I can understand in the games, you needed to survive," I look up at him now and catch the edge of desperation in his eyes, "but you're home now, you're safe," he tries to reach for me again and this time I take a few steps back and make it clear I will not let him touch me.

I expect him to say something, I expect some of his anger that I have seen in him before but what he does hurts more. I watch as he fractures in front of me and then he turns and is gone before I can say anything else. I stand there for a moment not sure if I should go after him, but I know all I'll manage to do now is hurt him more. So I hoist my bow again and taking a deep breath head back further into the woods in search of that squirrel.

* * *

a/n Merry Christmas Eve people heres another chapter since I love my little fans so much and I dont think I'll be updating to often in the next couple of days what with the christmas rush and run of prezzies and all. I will more than likely get at least one more chap up this afternoon so you're being spoiled for christmas lol. Hope you're enjoying, I needed a moment with Gale to clarify how she is really feeling, she loves Peeta, she's just finding it hard to say at the moment but she'll get there. Anyway hope you all have a good Christmas and that you enjoy your prezzies! xx


	9. Distractions

I'm sat at Peeta's kitchen table trying extremely hard to ignore the fact that he has slipped upstairs to have a quick shower after painting all day when there is a knock at the door. Frowning I start to climb to my feet but I needn't have bothered whoever it is has simply burst in. I freeze as I realise these people are here for me.

"Surprise!" my prep team squeal in unison and all at once they converge on me.

I'm lost in a sea of greetings and then they start tisking at me, annoyed at how I've let my eyebrows grow back in and the state of my hair. But soon they quiet as another wave of people join bringing someone I've actually been looking forwards to seeing.

Cinna is there instantly wrapping me in a hug that I return with whispered greetings. We've talked on the phone plenty but I'm glad he's here now I have definitely missed him and I'm dying to talk to him about Peeta without the worry of some Capitol crony overhearing. I can hear Effie outside obviously giving orders as usual but I do my best to tune her out.

"I'll just got get Peeta," I call and I see her wave a hand through the door at me.

With a smile to Cinna I climb the steps two at a time and slip into the bedroom.

I can hear the shower is still running and I don't even think about it as I slip into the bathroom with him pulling the door to behind me. He has his hands pressed against the cool tile of the shower cubicle, letting the water flow unhindered down his back, giving me a perfect view of his now very toned muscles. That's it all thoughts of everyone assembling downstairs and the impending encroachment of them into our lives disappear from my mind.

He turns then as if he feels my gaze and smiles that slow easy smile that I have quickly become addicted to. It's a smile that he only ever gives me and one that heats me from the inside out. Clearing my throat I try to catch my breath as he turns raising an eyebrow in question and I fight not to let my eyes wander down.

"We've been invaded," I say simply and he frowns but doesn't completely lose that smile that's eating away at my resolve not to simply throw myself at him.

He turns the water off then leaving me with nothing but my ragged breaths bouncing off the walls to listen to. I hold my breath as he steps out of the cubicle and I shut my eyes until he's pulled something on.

"It's safe to look," he laughs and I feel myself blush before I open my eyes.

When I do it to find him stood in front of me, a towel wrapped loosely around his hips and another one in hand as he scrubs it against his hair. I can't help myself I reach out and run my fingers through the damp locks thinking about how shaggy he is starting to look. Distracted he takes the opportunity to wrap a hand around me and I let out a squeak as he pulls me forwards and my hands instinctively go out to stop myself from falling. They slap against his hot damp skin and my fingers tingle at the contact, and I know I'm lost.

Tilting my head in invitation he knows instantly what I want and he hungrily presses his lips to mind. I shiver at the feel and deepen the kiss until I feel like we're consuming each other.

"Now what's keeping you two," Effie calls and it's too late she's pushing her way into the bathroom and I curse myself for not locking the door behind me.

She freezes taking in the scene in front of her. Peeta still dripping wet, one of his hands at my back holding me against him, the other tangled in my hair. I've got one of my hands pressed against his chest over his heartbeat; the other has fallen to his hip slightly underneath the towel.

We freeze like prey caught in the crosshairs and all three of us don't know what to do. Effie recovers first ever the control freak she pats her hands together obviously trying to muster her thoughts for a second.

"Come on we have lots of work to do and we have a schedule to keep," with that she turns on her bright pink heel and disappears out of the door.

Peeta and I hold still as we wait to hear the sound of her heels on the stairs and then it's all I have not to collapse on the floor in a fit of nervous giggles.

"I'm going to head down," I say but he catches my hand before I can pull away.

"Just one more kiss before the madness starts," he presses his lips to mine again and it's like a slow burn.

I know one of these days I'm going to burst into flames and there is going to be nothing left of me but a very satisfied ember but I don't care, this fire is one that I crave.

When I finally detangle myself from him I can feel the heat in my cheeks and I press the back of my hand to my face as I clamber down the stairs willing it to go down. I'm greeted at the bottom of the stairs by a very flustered looking Effie who was just in deep conversation with Haymitch who has his usual scowl. They both turn and look at me freezing their conversation and I want to ask what they were talking about. Obviously it's me, or should I say us, but I want to know exactly what they are thinking, but before I can get a word out I'm being whisked into the waiting arms of my prep team who just can't wait to get at my eyebrows again.

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A/N sorry i didnt get this up yesterday unexpected troubles, doesnt life have a way of getting in the way of the best laid plans. Newho hope ur enjoying and i love seeing the reviews so keep them coming. Happy Christmas all hope ur all having a good day of have had one like me xx


	10. Problem

My prep team has taken me back to beauty base zero but they are leaving me there for the moment. Apparently Cinna doesn't want to touch me until just before the cameras start rolling to keep me as fresh as possible, I'm not arguing and just glad to be away from my three personal torturers for the moment.

Peeta has already escaped his by the time I pull away and manage to make it to the kitchen. As I enter he smiles at me and everything melts away from me, crossing the room I let him fold me into his arms as I breath in his scent and let it steady me.

"Ready for all of this Katniss," he asks me his lips pressed against my hair, "we're going to have to be on guard the whole time," he whispers and I close my eyes as I take in what he's saying.

As always he's hit the nail on the head and I cling to him a little desperately for a moment, before I allow him to detangle himself.

We stand for a moment; I lean against the kitchen counter while he simply stands with his arms crossed watching me. I don't want to look at him but I can't help it, I've been dreading this moment dreading the reality of what we have to do hitting home. I don't know if I can face all those people in the different districts, face the families of the children I killed or helped to kill or simply were part of the whole Hunger Games. Rue flashes in my mind and I close my eyes tight as I try to fight back the shakes that I know are threatening. Instantly he's there wrapping himself around me as always ready there to take care of me.

"We can do this," he whispers and I know he's trying to convince me, and most definitely himself.

I nod and pull myself together, we have to put on our game faces now, we are going to be watched from now on.

Just then Effie appears in the doorway clearing her throat to bring us to her attention. We turn to look at her but I don't pull away what's the use anymore everyone knows now, I just hope we can keep them from manipulating us.

"It seems that we have an unscheduled stop first before we get started," she looks at me then and I can almost see the worry in her eyes, "they are waiting for both you and Peeta at your home Katniss and I suggest being prompt," with that she turns on her heel and is gone.

I look up at Peeta, his bright blue eyes full of concern, and we both contemplate what it could be for a moment. But instead of thinking about it, I take his hand and lead him out of the back door away from everyone else waiting in the front of the house. We quickly circle around Haymitch's house to find that my back garden has peacekeepers crawling all over it. Their white clad bodies' pull me up short for a moment but Peeta simply grips my hand tighter and pulls me towards the house.

When we enter the house tis deathly quiet and we head straight for my study that I haven't used much in the time since Peeta and I finally came together. There is a guard at the door and he simply nods as he pushes the door open and steps out of our way.

Peeta enters first pulling me tightly against his back and I grip onto his shoulder to steady myself as I step in behind him. At first I don't see anything then my eyes settle on the man sat behind my desk. For a moment it's as if someone is playing a horrible practical joke and then I realise that everything in front of me is real, that indeed President Snow is sat there. He rises to his feet as we enter and stop dead not sure what the hell is going on.

"Ah there you two are please come have a seat," he holds a hand out to indicate the other chairs someone has pulled in front of the desk and I bristle at him inviting me to sit in my own chairs, but Peeta's grip on my hand stops me.

Taking a deep breath I step forwards, Peeta still in front of me as if he could protect me from this man. There's a strange scent permeating the air and it only takes me a moment to lock onto the rose at his lapel. I can tell that it must have been genetically enhanced since it smells so strongly, so very sweetly even over the distance between us, but there's more to the smell then just the rose and I can't think of what it is.

We sit down but don't lose the grip on each other's hands and President Snow takes this in with his cold calculating eyes, "good I had worried this was going to harder than I'd like," he says nodding to himself and I have no idea what he's going on about.

"I'm here to discuss a matter that is of utmost importance. Obviously you are about to embark on the victory tour and that is all good and well, but we need something more from you than from the previous victors," he looks at me then and I realise he's addressing me more than Peeta, "your little trick with the berries has caused quite a ripple through the districts and it's your job to fix it."

Swallowing hard I could feel the bile rise in my throat, what the hell was I supposed to do. Peeta was tense next to me and I can feel the tremor in his hand as he tries to will me not to do anything. I wish I could tell him that I'm not that stupid; instead I lock my jaw biting my cheek to keep from doing anything.

"I need everyone to see those berries as the desperate act of a girl trying to save the boy she loves, not say the beginnings of an uprising," I bite my cheek even harder then, I had never seen it as an uprising all I had ever wanted was to save Peeta and myself.

"Because right now that is the stirrings, how was it this little girl went against the capitol and won," he looks intently at me then and I feel as if I should be burning to an ember, "so we are going to convince them we let you live simply because you are in love. We will be the good guys out of this and you are going to do all the work."

He looks at our hands then, at Peeta's knuckles that have turned white since he's clutching my hand so tightly.

"I see that I needn't have worried after all, that the reports of your romance haven't been exaggerated. Keep it up," he rises to his feet then and Peeta and I are following his lead, "I wouldn't like for the people you love to be hurt simply because you can't follow instructions."

For a moment we both pause unsure what to do, then Peeta is moving slightly as he pulls me against his body.

"We don't need to act, we are in love and we can let everyone see that," his voice is so steady that I'm proud of him, but I can't help but curling my fingers into his shirt with worry.

"I can see that Mr Mellark, but know this, if you do not succeed then you will need to be punished. Make them believe, make then love you, or you will bleed for this," with that he walks around the table and taking my hand presses his lips lightly to the back of it.

"Please make sure you do your best Miss Everdeen, we never had any fear that Mr Mellark could carry this, but you on the other hand are the weak link," this close I can feel his breath on my face and suddenly I know what the smell is, it's blood, and it's on his breath.

I want to shiver and pull my hand from his grasp but instead I level my gaze with his and take a deep breath, "you have nothing to worry over Mr President," I'm happy with myself when my voice doesn't waver.

He nods once and with that slips past us leaving us alone to contemplate what has just happened.

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a/n hope we've all had some good holiday. thought i'd get this chapter up since I'll be back at work for a few days and just in case I can't get another up for a little while. Hope you've been enjoying it but I havent really been feeling the love, would love to know what people think of my writing since I've had troubles before. Let me know even if its not a review even if its a pm would be fantastic to know I'm on the right track. Newho hope you enjoyed this and I have a few longer chapters coming up real soon xx


	11. Journeys start

Back at Peeta's house we are all gathered together as Effie starts to go over what our schedule is going to contain. Instead of the usual route, going through each district until we reach the capitol, we are going to head straight for the capitol and then loop back through the districts. At first I don't understand why, but then I realise that district 11 is the last place they want me to go first. My ties to Rue are one of the reasons there is talk of an uprising, I went against the capitol when it came to her, so now I needed to lay as much groundwork first before they ever let me near that place.

So we were heading to the capitol first for a weeklong celebration and then heading back out through the districts for our normal stops. Effie was annoyed at them changing things on her of course but she was trouping along well with it. She had already secured us invites to some of the parties in the capitol that would allow us to show off our coupling with the most important people. Of course all of this was going to kick off with a party at held by the president and then an interview of the star crossed lovers first at the capitol and we had a few days to decide what we were going to do.

Through it all Peeta is quiet and I know he's thinking about what Snow said, about the worry that has now been lumped onto our shoulders. I wish above everything that I could take that from him, but I know that its only something I can share with him rather than take away completely. This is something that won't be lifted until we are safely home and know that our work has convinced the country.

Just then there's a knock at the door and we look up as Effie goes to see who it is, it turns out be the camera crew here and ready to get the first shots of the star crossed lovers for a few months. As it turns out they have picked a picturesque time as it has started to snow outside so Cinna quickly whisks me out to pick which clothes I will be dressed in to look the best in the snow.

Alone together Cinna works quietly for a time, picking out a pair of form fitting white pants that are lined to be warm, a light blue top that matches Peeta's eyes and a warm white fur lined jacket. Once I am dressed he smiles at me and lifts the lapel of my jacket showing me my mockingjay pin.

"For luck," he pressed his lips to my cheek then and I smile at him, trying hard to keep the nerves from my stomach boiling over.

Cinna leaves me to gather my thoughts then and I look out of the window to find that the snow is indeed coming down now. It's left a sprinkling of white all over the place and I know after another ten minutes or so it will be thick on the ground. Just then there's a knock at the door and I turn to find Peeta stood there.

"Peeta," I whisper out and then I'm across the room and into his arms.

He slips his hands inside of my unzipped jacket his fingers searching until they find the belt at the back and push underneath the material of my top. I know what he's doing as he's done it countless times before. Something about touching my skin always settles him, so I let him burying his fingers under my top until they are spread wide against my back while his other hand weaves its way into my hair.

Tilting my head back I meet his lips as they come down to cover mine and we kiss sweetly for a while, just happy to have a moment to ourselves before everything comes crashing down around us.

"We can do this," he whispers against my lips and all I can do is nod, "we will convince everyone, and then we will come home and be safe," his words whisper along my skin and instead of replying I simply press myself into him and deepen the kiss.

Before we can get to lost Effie is there pulling us apart and ushering me out of the door.

"Now we want you to go back to your house, and then the both of you will leave the house at the same time, and meet somewhere outside of Haymitch's house."

She ushers me out of the backdoor and around the back of Haymitch's house. For a moment I pause as I see my back garden but the peacekeepers are gone and it's just my mother waiting with a soft smile at the back door. With a last look at Effie who is circling around to the front of the house so she can orchestrate what's going to happen next, I move up the back porch steps and into the house. My mother kisses my cheek lightly as I pass and I smile warmly at her.

"How are you doing love," she asks as she takes one of my gloved hands in hers.

Taking a breath I let it out slowly and look at her suddenly almost desperate for her to know what is really happening. But as I take in my mother I know that I can't tell her, that she wouldn't understand and all I would succeed in doing was worrying her as well.

"Alright I guess," I say letting out a little nervous laugh to which she smiles broadly.

"You'll do fine," she says as she squeezes my hand.

"I hope so mum," I reply and I can hear the note of desperation in my voice.

She frowns but doesn't push it, doesn't ask me what has me so worried and I'm so grateful because I truly don't know what I would have said to her.

Before I know it it's show time and I'm stood on the porch of my house as my eyes search through the snow for the tell-tale silhouette of Peeta. Then he's there and I forget everything, I give myself over to just being with Peeta. I let the threats of the president slip from me, I ignore the worry of what my mother is thinking about it pour from my skin, I simply give over to my need for him to hold me.

I know I'm being filmed as I move, a smile breaking across my face as we lock eyes but I don't care. They can have this moment, and I will have every other. Peeta and I will give them a piece of us but I know it won't touch what we have become. We made our way to each other without the cameras around and I know that no matter what we will be stronger for this.

So as I start to head towards him I give up walking and let myself feel my need for him, until my feet are carrying me swiftly to him. With a grin he runs to me, meeting me right outside Haymitch's house where Effie wanted us. I fling myself at him and he catches me a little awkwardly and thanks to a combination of the snow and his artificial leg we tumble to the floor with me on top. For a moment we look into each other's eyes and then his hand tangles into my hair and I press my palms against his chest imagining his heat through all of our layers.

"Katniss," he whispers out and my smile softness to the one only he can draw from my body.

Leaning up he catches my lips in a kiss that starts out softly but then I'm gripping at his coat as the need for him rides over me and he's twisted me against him so that he can get a better angle with the kiss until it's deep and all consuming.

When we pull back we laugh at each other lightly and I know that we've given the cameras exactly what we needed to. I clamber up from the ground and hold my hand out to him to help him up. Once we are stood he pulls me against him and pressed a kiss to my forehead in a familiar display of affection. I feel the jealousy of having to share the moment flash through me but I push it away, this is what we need to do. Instead I pull back slightly so that I can slip my arm through his and we turn and head towards his house.

The next few hours are chaotic as we gather ourselves and say goodbyes to loved ones before we head to the train. My eyes search the crowd hoping for a moment to catch a glimpse of Gale. I haven't been able to get near him since our confrontation and I've been missing him, yes I don't feel for him what he feels for me but he was still my best friend. I want to take the pain away that I've caused but I don't know how. But he's not there and there are no last minute apologies, instead we are herded onto the train and Peeta and I wave at the windows until the platform has disappeared behind the trees.

"Well that went wonderfully," Effie titters pulling my attention from the window, "why don't you go and get changed and we can have something to eat."

Peeta and I head back into the bedroom car and find our way to where we will be sleeping. As it turns out Effie has tried to put us in separate rooms, but without even blinking I slip into the room she has given me snag a few pieces of clothing and then head straight back to Peeta's room. Stoping dead when I enter I find Peeta stripped to the waist going through the draws of his dresser looking for something to wear.

"Peeta," I moan out and he turns just in time to catch me as I throw myself at him.

With a grunt his hands are on my hips as he steadies the both of us and leans back against the dresser.

"Katniss," he laughs but I catch his lips in a quick kiss.

"Please Peeta," I say and that's all it takes.

Instantly his fingers are at the zip of my jacket pulling it down and soon my t-shirt is gone as well. I press my chest to his and revel in the heat of his skin against mine as his hand skates up my sides tickling his fingers across my ribs, he then flicks the clasp of my bra easily undoing it. How quickly he has learned to get me out of my clothing now, it's wonderful.

Soon my fingers are scrambling at his belt pulling the leather out of my way. His hands are at my hips now pushing my pants down until I can step out of them and my knickers quickly join the pile of clothing around us. He pushes his pants back but I don't give him a chance to get out of them completely, instead I simply dip my hand into his boxers and grasp him, pulling him free of the material. He pants out my name as I pump him once for good measure.

His hands on my hips spasm and then he lifts me so that I can wrap my legs around his hips. He slides against me making me scream out, but he captures the scream as he kisses me. Stumbling over the clothes slightly he turns us so that my butt is resting against the dresser he had just been leaning against. He pulls back just long enough to position himself and then he's sliding into me. He buries himself to the hilt inside me and I shiver at the feel of it arching my back to give him better access.

"Jeez Katniss," he whispers out but then I'm grinding my hips against his and there's no more talk.

We both thrust desperately the need to touch, kiss and yes bite rides us until I feel the heat in my core spill over and I lose it screaming out his name. I feel his body grow taught in mine and then he's tipped over the edge as well and I collapse against his chest breathing heavily.

"Well that was," he pauses and I look up into his laughing blue eyes, "vigorous," we both laugh out loud then and I let him slip from my body.

"Come on we should grab a shower, Effie will be expecting us soon."

He stumbles backwards and I laugh watching him tripping over the pants that are still around his ankles. He kicks them off easily and then peels the boxers off that we seemed to have forgotten about in our haste. He pads across the room completely naked and slips into the bathroom throwing a grin over his shoulder as he disappears. Climbing down from the dresser I stand for a minute feeling my thighs tremble for a moment but then when I'm sure they can hold my weight I follow him into the bathroom.

He's already in the shower the steam from it spilling out of the cubicle and into the bathroom. He turns and smiles at me as I enter and opens the door giving me a perfect view of his slick skin.

"Joining me?" he doesn't have to ask twice I dive in with him.

We take our time showering, he washes my hair for me and I love the feel of his fingers slipping through the wet strands and I repay him by washing over his body with the loofa. More than once we both threaten to get distracted but the thought of Effie coming in search of us stops it from developing any further, for the moment anyway. Once we're dried we dress quickly and I steal one of his shirts as I would have at home. For the moment the cameras won't be watching us twenty-four seven so I don't have to look my best, but then I think about that and realise me wearing his clothes could only help sell us as a couple so I resign to talk to Cinna about it soon.

When we emerge we walk hand in hand to the dining car to find that everyone else has already assembled. Haymitch looks up from his dinner of scotch and lifts a questioning eyebrow at me. I simply blush and turn away from his knowing gaze but not before I catch his chuckle.

"There you are," Effie calls gesturing for us to join them, "I was just about to send out a search party."

I cringe at the thought and drop into a seat next to Cinna who smiles wickedly at me as I do. Peeta settles next to me and reaches for a basket of rolls handing one to me before he snags one for himself. I smile at him as he does and he just shrugs turning to serve some of the mash potatoes onto my plate.

Turning from him I realise that everyone has stopped talking and are watching us closely.

"What?" I ask frowning at the look that's being passed around by everyone.

Haymitch clears his throat drawing our attention to him, "well everyone else isn't used to the way you two are together. The last time they saw you it was all an act, and suddenly well it isn't anymore," he says before taking a deep swig of his drink.

I look out at everyone, my prep team smiling goofily, Peeta's stylist smiling softly and Effie's small frown.

"Well yeah I guess we aren't acting anymore," I say and Peeta turns to drape his arm over the back of my chair.

"Damn right," he says and everyone laughs at that, and dinner continues without another hitch.

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A/N managed to get this one up fast simply because I've had it written for a while. I've gone over it a few times to make sure its not gibberish but if you spot something please let me know.

Oh and yeah special thank you to Destined627 for reviewing so religiously and making me smile every time you do, and to Alice Is My Sister for the long and wonderful review that made me smile so brightly that I instantly wanted to update.

Hope everyone is enjoying xx


	12. Desperation

Effie nearly has an aneurism when she discovers that we won't be sleeping in separate rooms. Haymitch has to step in to keep her calm but I don't care, even if she tried to force us apart we would find our way back to each other and I know our mentor knows this. So he placates her and we are left alone in peace for once. I have a feeling that we're damaging her sensibilities, she's so very proper and she wants everything to go in a proper order meaning marriage before we spend the night together, poor Effie.

I can tell Peeta is tired, that the day has been a long one, but I can also tell that he wants more from me and I will give him anything he needs. We make love slowly and quietly aware of the other occupants on the train. I want to show him how much I love him; even if I still can't seem to find the words, every time I try they seem to get stuck. So instead I caress him slowly, feeling every inch of his body, kissing and nibbling over his skin until he sinks himself deep inside me.

Good do I love the feel of him moving in me, this is the one time that we are the closest that we can possibly be, with nothing but the two of us and our love. If the rest of my life is like this I know I will be happy, but on the periphery of our love is the threat of what's to come. If we fail Snow I know that our lives will be hard, if they don't end.

When we finish we lay tangled together, our legs and arms entwined, his head resting lightly against my collar bone. I hold him against me as I feel his body calming, as his breathing slows and he slips into sleep. But I can't find sleep myself, now that he is no longer occupying my thoughts all I can think of is the tour to come, of everything we are going to have to do. I hate the thought of acting for the cameras, which I know we will have to do. Even our love won't be enough for the capitol, they will want a show and it makes me ache to think about it. I know Peeta will find it easy, that he will be able to show the world how much he loves me, as he has done it so many times before, me on the other hand I'm the weak link in our chain.

His breathing is now steady and I know he's deep in sleep, so I carefully detangle myself from him and slip from the bed. He murmurs in his sleep sensing that I have gone, but he wraps himself around my pillow and breaths deeply settling back down. I smile thinking that maybe it's the scent of me on my pillow that has calmed him and unable to resist I lean over and press a kiss to his temple.

"Katniss," he whispers out and for a moment I think he's woken but then I realise he's just mumbling my name in his sleep.

This makes me feel so warm that I can't help the smile that springs across my lips. God how could I ever think of Peeta in any bad terms, how had I believed the last time we rode this train that he wanted me dead. I must have been blind not to see what was in front of me, my poor boy with the bread how stupid I have been. Trailing my fingers over his hair I turn and leave him to sleep peacefully.

Slipping into the bathroom I decide maybe a shower will help, my skin is slick with sweat that's drying quickly leaving me feeling sticky so I slip into the water setting it to warm instead of my usual hot and play with the other nozzles until I can smell lilies. I don't want the roses from the Capitol they remind me too much of Snow and his blood tinged breath. The warmth feels great across my skin, but soon all I can think of is Peeta and the need to crawl back under the sheets with him. I want to spend every possibly moment wrapped around him until we reach the Capitol, have as much time just the two of us before we have to share our love with the rest of the country.

I'm just towelling my body dry, wrapping a fluffy towel around myself and luxuriating in the feel of it, when a blood curdling scream splits the air. I crash against the sink at the sound of it, since I know whose throat it has been ripped from, for a moment it knocks the air from my lungs, but then I'm moving stumbling over my clothes that I left scattered around the bathroom. When I fall into the bedroom I find Peeta in the midst of a terrifying nightmare. It's been so long since either of us have suffered this badly that it catches me off guard and for a moment I'm frozen watching him thrash on the bed.

The door to our room slides open and Haymitch stumbles in wearing nothing but a pair of boxes, it's obvious he was asleep but I don't know if it was asleep asleep or past out drunk. He's quickly joined by Cinna who looks a little more put together and Effie who was most definitely asleep since I can see her normal brown hair instead of the golden wig she had been wearing for the day. They move as one as if to touch him after an initial pause and I know this will do no good.

"No!" I scream out as I scramble across the room causing them to freeze in place.

I clamber onto the bed fighting Peeta as he tries to push me away not knowing who it is he's battling. I whisper soothing things as I grab his hands and pull them against my body. He grabs my arms tightly and I know tomorrow I will have bruises from his fingertips but I don't care I desperately need to pull him out of this. Gathering him against me I cradle his head against my chest and bury my face in his hair right over his ear.

"Please Peeta wake up, I'm here baby please come back to me," desperately I press kisses against his neck letting him feel the heat of me against his skin.

His thrashing instantly calms and his eyes pop open showing me the fear deep in their blue depths, "Katniss," his voice sounds almost strangled and all I can do is nod.

Before I can say anything, find the words that will comfort him, he scrambles up and his lips are on mine desperately seeking the comfort that I can't give him with words. His kisses spread from my lips to my chin and across my neck and I know exactly where this is leading. Over his shoulder I flash a look at the assembled crowd that Peeta hasn't noticed, and Cinna and Haymitch quickly pull Effie from the room as she is about to say something. Cinna flicks me a quick smile before he closes the door leaving me alone with a man who is desperately pulling at the towel around my body.

I sigh as his hands skate across my waist and then delve under the material freeing it from where it's wrapped around me. His lips locked onto my neck are swirling over my heartbeat and its sending butterflies through my body, little shock waves of pleasure. His scrambling fingers have freed my body completely of the towel now and before I can even breathe he hovers over me and then his body is sinking deep inside me. I gasp at the intrusion, but don't move as he moans against my ear. I know he needs this, whatever he was dreaming has scared him and I know exactly what he is feeling. The desperation and need to touch has ridden my body more than once, so I will give him whatever he needs.

His body is moving against mine in a breath stealing pace and it's all I can do to wrap my legs around him and hold on. But even in his frenzied state he is still aware of my needs. His hand is attached to my breast, but he's kneading it in just the right way that always sends heat through my body. I can feel my body tensing under his ministrations and constant movement inside me, I knew he was going to bring me screaming but I don't care if it's what he needs then I will give it to him.

His body picked up the tempo even more, his thrusts become less ordered as he starts to lose his rhythm and I can feel how close he is. Wrapping my legs tighter against his hips I lift myself so that he can get that perfect angle that he loves so much. His hands go to my butt pulling me tightly against him, and he grinds his hips in just the right way to hit that perfect spot causing me to tip over the edge.

Screaming out his name as I shudder around him I fell as he lets go his body buried deep inside me. Wrapping my arms around him I pull him against me so that he can rest his head against my collar bone as we both try and get our breathing under control. Finally when he lifts his head from where its resting I can see that his eyes are half lidded but no longer full of fear.

"Katniss," he whispers and I can tell his mind is foggy.

Reaching out I stroke my fingers across his face, "ssshh its ok I'm here, we're both fine," my fingers trail through his hair over and over again until his eyes clear and I can tell he's with me again.

Carefully he slides from my body and crawls up the bed so that he can pull me against his body wrapping his arms around me so that I can bury my face in against his neck. Breathing deeply I take his scent into me letting it calm my body that is still shaking with adrenaline and a mixture of fear. He's scared me, like never before and I'm glad he's back with me now.

"What happened Katniss?" he whispers against my hair and I can hear that note of fear again.

Pulling back I move so that I can look up into his eyes but staying in the circle of his arms so that he can hold me and know that I'm real, I watch his face trying hard to discern how he's doing. I know after one of my particularly bad dreams holding him is the only thing that will anchor me.

"I slipped out to get a shower, I think me being gone invaded your dream somehow and you were having a nightmare," pressing my lips lightly to his I try and smile to tell him it was ok, "I'm sorry I shouldn't have left you."

"No its fine, I haven't had a dream like that in some time," his eyes glaze then slightly and I know that his mind is falling back into it, "we were in the woods again and I couldn't find you. The cannon fired and I just knew it was you, but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't get to you," he's breathing heavy by the time he finishes and I have to pull him against me again to calm him down.

Soon I can feel his body relaxing against mine and I know sleep is starting to pull him under again. Pushing him back slightly I get him to settle into the pillows and relax more, and once I'm sure he's starting to fall under I snuggle myself against him. Instantly his hands come around me and I can feel his body going limp against me, his muscles relaxing and his breathing deepening. Soon he's asleep and I can't help but steal a glance at him. He looks peaceful now and I sigh a breath of relief I didn't like seeing him like that, I didn't want to ever see him like it again but I knew if he needed me I would be there no matter what.

Reaching out I brush my fingers across his forehead pushing some of his sweaty hair away from his face. I can't help but let my fingers rest against his temple for a while as I take in his peaceful form. How could I have ever imagined a life without him?

Leaning down I press my lips against his lightly so as not to disturb him, "I love you," I whisper against him lips.

Pulling back I watch his face for a moment more and know that he's really asleep. Breathing a sigh of relief I settle myself back against his body and let sleep pull me under. I may have finally found the words to say it to him but now I just had to get the courage to say it to him when he's awake.

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a/n Hope you enjoyed this chapter as its the second to last of the ones I've pre-written. I'm hoping to get some time to finish off some more chaps tomorrow since I only have a morning shift, but as they say the best laid plans. I've been enjoying being able to update so often so I hope to keep it up. I hope you liked this chapter I wanted to show desperation on Peeta's part since it's all been from Katniss so far, he is the calm in the storm but he's still human and every now and then its going to come over him. I've been naughty writing ahead and I'm getting all tangled so bare with me and let me know what you like, been loving the reviews I've been getting just one or two good ones make me want to update instantly lol. Newho hope you enjoyed and see you again soon! xx


	13. Huntress

When I wake in the morning it's to find Peeta completely wrapped around me and at some point he must have pulled me against him so my face is buried against his collar bone with his chin resting on my head. It's not the most comfortable of positions but I don't want to move him to scared to disturb him.

Just then there's a knock at the door and I can hear the tell-tale sound of the latch being pulled back and the door sliding open. Quickly grabbing the sheet I pull it up across my bare body and cover Peeta, who is still snoring softly against me. Looking up over his shoulder I see that it is Cinna that has slipped into the room and my death grip on the cover loosens I don't have anything new for him to see after all.

He moves across the room his eyes on mine the whole time and I don't indicate for him to stop so he comes across the room to stop just short of the bed.

"We didn't want to disturb but the both of you need to eat," it's only as he says that that I see a basket in his hand and I smile in thanks.

"We won't reach the capitol until tonight so take whatever time you need alright," with that he gives me a wink drops the basket next to the bed.

He makes his escape quickly and I turn to the conundrum of when I should wake Peeta up. I know Cinna is right we both need to eat I can feel my stomach growling with just the thought of food and we will both need our strength for what's to come. I know that Effie has us scheduled to go straight into a party the second that I we get there.

Decision made I move against his body my hands brushing along his arms my legs moving, one sneaking between his thighs so that I can rub my feet over his lower leg, the one that he can still feel. I feel the moment that he's awake, his breathing changes instantly from steady to ragged and I know exactly where his thoughts have gone to.

"Easy boy, time for food," I laugh and I feel his laughter against my hair.

When I pull back he's smiling brightly at me and I'm glad that the night before hasn't marred anything we will share today.

Leaning over his body I reach out for the basket Cinna left only to feel his hand skim across my backside.

"Mind out of the gutter Mellark you need to eat," I say as I pull back bringing the basket with me.

With a laugh Peeta rolls over so that he's facing me and I'm able to put the basket between us. Pulling the cover back I look into the basket and smile, cheese buns what else.

"I think everyone else has figured out your tastes love," he laughs as I've already grabbed one of the buns and I'm stuffing it into my mouth.

He laughs harder at me as I frown and I'm gladder to hear that then he could ever know. The fear from last night is still tight in my chest so it's wonderful to hear his laughter fill the room. Reaching into the basket I pull out another bun and hand it to him which he takes with a grin.

For a little while we simply exist together outside of the capitols schemes and everything else that is going on and I'm so glad of it, it's everything we need. But I know too soon that this is going to end. So finishing our food I coax Peeta into the shower with the promise that I'll wash his back. Of course we get distracted for a little while as I knew we would, but I manage to get him clean and presentable.

When we emerge from our room I feel calmer, especially since Peeta is completely back to normal, his hand rock solid in mine. We find everyone assembled and waiting for us in the dining car. Effie practically pounces on us when we enter but I can tell she has been warned off asking us about what happened last night, since she skirts around it visibly changing the subject more than once.

Soon we are lost in plans for the next few hours. She tries to get us to go to separate rooms so we can be dressed but Peeta won't let go of my hand until he knows we won't be separated. I can't help but laugh at that, so Effie gives in and we head back to the room we have been sharing for our teams to dress us. Haymitch being helpful for once pulls in chairs from one of the other rooms and Peeta and his team settle into one corner, while Cinna settles me into the seat in front of the vanity.

I watch a little detached as my team goes to work fixing my hair in loose ringlets around my face held back by a circlet of gold that has threads coming off and spreading into my hair. The dress Cinna has picked for me is as always exquisite. It's tight across the chest and I can feel the slight padding giving me extra curves but I don't protest, at least it isn't surgical enhancement. The neck line is straight across and the sleeves start just below the tops of my arms so that my shoulders are completely bare. My skin looks creamy and luscious thanks to the powders my team have patted me down with and the sleeves perfectly cover the slight bruises from Peeta's fingertips.

The bodice of the dress is separate from the skirt so I'm sat in nothing but a pair of very uncomfortable panties that look fantastic and the bodice top as my team paints my toe nails in a shocking red colour then glitters gold when it catches the light, I guess people will be able to see my feet. My eyes keep wandering to Peeta across the room but I can't catch much in the mirror as my team surrounds me and his does the same.

Soon Cinna asks me to stand and produces a beautiful a-line skirt that I quickly realise is split almost all the way up the middle. Holding the back of the chair I step into the skirt and the team sets about fastening it to the top with hidden straps that seamlessly disappear. When they are finished I smooth my hands over the skirt turning to see it in the mirror.

I was right; the slit goes almost all of the way up parting the material so you can see the creamy swell of my legs all the way up to my thighs. No wonder Cinna has put me in these horrible black lace panties; it's likely someone will see them tonight. But then I can't fault him for the design of the dress since for once I do not look like a girl playing dress up, I look like a woman whose used to sex being a tool in her repertoire.

Still in bare feet Cinna urges me to walk across the room and I take a few tentative steps realising the dress doesn't hinder my moments in anyway. Cinna has tailored it to sweep back showing my powerful legs as I move, and I realise he's made me look like a warrior hunter. I can't help but grin at him as the realisation settles around me and he returns the grin obviously happy that I have realised his intent.

Turning I take another look at myself in the mirror this time with newly refreshed eyes. Running my hands over the material of the bodice I take in the blood red colour for what it symbolises and realise the material holds me perfectly, my body covered but able to move unhindered. The sleeves are short stopping just above my elbow and since they start just below my shoulders there more like a circle of material around them than sleeves, and it is only as I turn that I see the golden mockingjay stitched into the sleeves, my very own insignia.

Smoothing my fingers over the material of the skirt I settle it in place so that I can look at the folds when Cinna produces a wooden box and hands it out to me. With a tentative smile I take it and pop the catch to reveal two things I wasn't expecting at all. Tucked into the velvet lined box is a tightly woven blood red leather archery arm guard, and what I know for sure is a thick leather garter belt.

"Haymitch and I have talked about this endlessly Katniss, we need you to show the capitol that you are in love," his eyes flick to Peeta then who I still can't see properly, "but we also need to show them that you are going to fight to protect what you love. They cannot doubt that you would fight for Peeta, and indeed spill blood for him," reaching into the box he pulls out the leather arm guard and holds it out to me.

Flavius smiles as he takes the box from my fingers and I can almost see the shimmer of tears in his eyes. I frown at the look but don't question it as I hold my arm out so that Cinna can strap the guard to it. It fits perfectly to my arm the cool leather warming quickly with my body heat. The buckles are made of gold and fit snuggly against my arm without being uncomfortable, it's perfect. Swinging my arm out I test the weight realising it has been balanced for me as well and I can't help but grin at Cinna. He smiles back as his fingers dip into the box again and pull out the garter. For a moment I frown at him unsure what he wants me to do but then he indicates for my right leg and I lift it, slipping my foot onto the chair I had just been sat in so that he can reach around my thigh. With deft fingers he buckles the leather in against my skin and it's only then that I notice the intricate stitching in golden thread. The metal of the buckle is cold for a moment but then it warms with my skin as the guard did and I can't help but run my fingers over the material.

"Beautiful," someone whispers behind me and I turn to find Peeta looking at me, his eyes alive with lust.

The sight of him stops me in my tracks and suddenly I find it hard to breath. They've dressed him in a black suite, perfectly cut to accentuate the body that he has been working on. The sleeves of his jacket have been embroidered with golden thread with the same designs on my garter, the swirling lines intricate but delicate. Over his left arm he's wearing a blood red band that matches my dress and I can see the mockingjay glittering in golden thread there. It's a perfect tie between the two of us, complementing without copying. To top him off they've added a red tie in the same material with golden embroidery that looks fantastic against the black shirt he wears under his jacket. He looks primal in all of that black, nothing like my boy with the bread. He's a perfect partner for my huntress. They've slicked his hair back with a golden band much like mine, but have left some of his fringe loose so that it falls over the circlet in a careless air that leaves him looking extremely sexy. I realise then why the circlets, they are our very own crowns, to show everyone that we are victors the very first of our kind, a matched pair that are in love.

It's only as someone clears their throat that I realise we have been starring at each other.

"No you can't rip each other's clothes off, we've worked too hard," Portia says and I can feel the blush rush up my neck and into my cheeks.

With a deep laugh that is all Peeta, he steps forwards and wraps me into his arms burying his face into my hair, "later," he whispers making me shiver from head to toe.

Sensing how distracted we are getting Cinna detangles me from Peeta's grasp and ushers me to sit on the chair again. He then produces a pair of golden leather strap sandals and sets to work doing the straps up across my calves. They reach almost to my knees in intricate twists and knots, but they look perfect for the dress, practical as if I could run off into the woods any moment, but also dressy sparkling with golden glitter every time the light catches them. Now for sure everyone will be looking at my legs as I move.

All at once we're ready to go and Peeta offers me a hand so I can rise up. I settle in next to him as he wraps his hand around my hip to settle there, his fingers spread wide and heating me even through the material. We move as one as we leave our compartment and join Effie and Haymitch in the sitting room car. They rise as we enter and Effie smiles, she's done her own makeup to semi match from her golden lipstick to the long golden lashes oh and of course her golden wig in honour of us. Haymitch is more muted in a white suite with a gold tie, for once he actually looks rather dashing and I'm surprised to find there isn't a drink in his hand, and as he walks to meet us he doesn't wobble.

"Well don't you two look like a wild pair," he states as he claps Peeta on the shoulder.

Peeta grins and returns the clap and I don't fail to see Haymitch's wince, Peeta really is stronger than he realises.

"Alright places," Effie calls and I realise that the train is slowing, which can only mean we are pulling into the station.

She ushers me and Peeta in front of the double doors as the platform comes into view out of the windows. Wrapping his arm around my waist Peeta pulls me in against him and then presses a kiss to the curve of my shoulder where it meets my neck.

"Do that again but in front of everyone," Haymitch says at our back and I would have returned with a snippy comment but the doors are sliding back then to reveal a platform full of screaming fans.

Leaning into me Peeta presses his face into my hair next to my ear and breaths softly, "ready for this love, I'm right beside you all night," he then leans down and presses another kiss to my skin as Haymitch instructed but it still sends a shiver of need through me even as I know it was planned.

The crowd in front of us is going wild over us, over the fact that so far we have ignored them centred completely on each other, and I realise this is a good thing. We have to show them that our worlds exist solely of each other, that all we see is one another, not a would be rebellion or anything else. All we see is each other and that is all we care about, this is the truth we need them to see. So on impulse I turn slightly, showing off the swell of one of my legs as I loop the leg over his and curl my fingers into the lapel of his jacket. His eyes lock onto mine then and the world melts away as his hand at my hip slips around my waist locking me against him in his iron tight embrace and then his lips are descending on mine and I return the kiss with as much fervour as it's given.

When we finally break apart we are both a little breathless and Peeta smiles down at me with a wolfish grin that makes him look wholly predatory.

"I give you the Victors of the 74th Hunger games," an announcer finally calls and we turn to finally acknowledge the crowd around us, both lifting our hands to wave.

Haymitch comes around us then with Effie at his side and we step off the train together into the din. Sometime later we manage to make it to the car waiting to whisk us away to the party that the President is holding in our honour. I take this moment to breathe and slip onto Peeta's lap where he wraps his arms tightly around me, burying his face in my hair.

"Well that was certainly interesting," Effie laughs out her hand pressed to her chest as she does.

Turning I can't help but smile at her, "weren't you expecting it?" I ask and she smiles at me.

"Of course, but I didn't realise how well we would be taken. The capitol really does love you two together."

Together, that's what we need to be from now on neither of us was going anywhere without the other. The capitol will love us no matter what, they will love us and they will save us, I can think of nothing else as the car pulls into the night.

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A/N I really hope that you can see Katniss and Peeta in their outfits as well as I can see them in my head because they look awesome lol. Five reviews in my inbox this morning spurred me into putting this up lol and this is the last of my prewritten chapters so I've gotta get busy writing. Hope you like this one, this is the chapter I've worked most on so I would really really love some freed back from this. Newho hope you enjoyed and I'll be seeing you again soon x


	14. love and other strings

A/N would still love to hear more about what you think of my couple and their costumes since I put a lot of thought into them, but since I have become completely addicted to this story here's another chapter for you! Enjoy!

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The party is lavish of course we couldn't expect anything less than that in the capitol, and as Peeta and I enter the whole room falls silent and turn as one to look at us. My hand is clutched tightly in Peeta's as we move but he seems calm beside me and I do my best to radiate the same. This is a show; this is what we need to show everyone, a calm unified front. As we move to the top of the stairs everyone gathers and then finally someone starts to clap and it's like a tidal wave has been released. Soon we are surrounded by a wave of clapping cheering and yelling. We descend the stairs together hand in hand and step into the crowd.

It's like that for a while a teaming mass surrounding us and only my tight grip on Peeta's hand stops us from being pulled apart, but soon the people around us are happy they have greeted us and the pull of the food and activities is too much for these Capitol people and we find a small window of peace. Quickly Peeta pulls me against him, his hand going to the nape of my neck tangling into my hair and his lips are on mine before I can blink. I don't freeze my body instinctively knowing what to do now after the hundreds of shared kisses and I'm returning the kiss without even thinking. I can feel my blood heating with it, but I let the feeling ride over my body knowing we are going to be here for hours.

When we pull apart he's looking at me with hungry eyes and suddenly I'm thinking of quiet corners that we could escape to. As if he sensed my thoughts Haymitch materialises from nowhere breaking the two of us apart.

"You need to mingle and talk to people, talk about how you haven't left each other's side since leaving the games, what you're planning for the future. Maybe hint at things they want to hear, marriage, kids the whole nine yards," he whispers at us desperately and then melts back into the crowd.

I know when I glance at Peeta my eyes are slightly wild, marriage really and kids to boot. But he's calm as always his smile soothing as he takes my hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it. Ok I can do this, it's all part of the show, but I resign myself to asking what Peeta sees when he looks at me, is it marriage and kids because I don't know if I'll ever be able to give him that.

Pulling my hand slightly Peeta leads me to a table of food that has people gathered around it and we melt into the crowd seamlessly and I brace myself for the first onslaught of questions. As predicted they are all superficial, how we've been finding the food now that we're back in district 12, what we'll be spending our money on, what our families think about us. I've got all of my answers pre-memorised and it's not hard for me to rattle them off in a light lilting voice that sets my own nerves on edge.

As time passes I know we are a roaring success, more than one person asks me to twirl my dress amazed by Cinna's creation. I also catch more than one man looking at my legs, to which Peeta has the same reaction every time, he pulls me in close presses a kiss to whatever patch of skin he can reach first and then levels a steady stare at him. At no point does he tell anyone off, or raise his voice or even so much as frown, he just calmly stares them down until every last one of them backs of practically running. I know they can see what I can see, that Peeta is a power not to be messed with, he is strong of course but it's the core of the man that does it and I know each of them will be left with the feeling that if they were to ever lay a hand on me he will tear them limb from limb.

My stomach is so tight about everything we are doing that I find it hard to eat anything, but Peeta passes me things he thinks I'll like when we move between the tables and I nibble them trying hard to let their beautiful flavours quell the unease in my stomach.

We've been at the part for nearly three hours now and even though I have found Effie and asked when we can leave she is adamant that it's too early, so instead I pull free of Peeta for the first time and take a seat. I see his eyes ask me if I need him to be with him but I shake my head slightly, he's doing a fantastic job and I just need a moment. So sinking into the chair I take a glass from a waiter who passes and sip the fizzy pink concoction trying to gather my scattered thoughts. I watch Peeta as he chats with a group of adoring girls, one reaches out a hand to ghost over his arm and I see as his body tenses and then he subtly moves away, letting her know not to touch without being harsh. I'm not like that the fire in my stomach wants to warn the girl away from him, I want to slap her hand, but instead I grip the stem of my glass harder and bite the inside of my cheek.

"Having fun?" a voice ghosts across my skin and I turn to see a man I haven't met before but that looks familiar slip into a chair next to me.

"Why yes," I plaster my best capitol smile across my lips and he laughs lightly in return.

"That's wonderful; it would be a terrible drag if you didn't enjoy your own party," he pauses to laugh slightly and I find myself frowning at this man, "Oh I'm sorry I haven't introduced myself, I'm Plutarch Havensbee, I'm in charge of the games now," he reaches out and I slip my hand into his shaking it slightly and I realise why I know his face now.

"You were there when…" I trail off looking around me making sure no one heard my slip.

Laughing lightly he pulls his hand back, "yes I was. Very impressive Miss Everdeen, very impressive. Well as you would guess preparations for the Quarter Quell are way underway," he glances at his watch then and for a moment I'm sure that I see my very own mockingjay flash over the face, "in fact I must be leaving I have a meeting to get to."

He rises to his feet and I watch as he turns to me smiling brightly again, "until we meet again miss Everdeen, have a wonderful time in the Capitol won't you," he bows to me and then he's gone melting into the crowds milling around me.

"What was that about?" Peeta asks at my side making me jump a little.

He laughs as I climb to my feet and practically wrap myself around him pressing a kiss to his jaw as I do, "I don't know," I frown thinking about it.

What was the mockingjay; I've seen people wearing the design everywhere tonight. Pins clipped to dresses, girls with it in their hair and even men wearing them as tie pins, but not on a watch. That must have been terribly expensive why bother for something he obviously didn't want people to see. With a shake of my head I cast it from my mind and follow Peeta as he pulls me out of the main room out onto the courtyard that is a little less stuffy then the room we just left.

Looking out over the gardens of the house, I watch as a fountain starts up its colourful jet routine. Peeta's pressed against my back now his lips ghosting over my neck as I watch the water dance in front of me, my hands grasping the marble fence around the courtyard.

"You should wear more things that bare your shoulders, I like the access is gives me," he whispers and I can't help the laugh the slips from my lips.

It's so real and loving that more than one person turns to look at us but I pay them no heed for a moment I don't want to act I just want to be held in his arms.

"Marry me Katniss," he whispers out suddenly and I feel my body still under his.

What did he just whisper to me; I can feel his body has gone taught behind me, that his hands that were softly caressing my stomach are now still as stone.

Turning my head I make him step back slightly so that I can see his eyes and the intense blue bores into me, "what did you just say?" I whisper my eyes darting around me to make sure no one heard.

"I said marry me," he spins me then so that his hands are at my back and mine are pressed into his shirt, "not for the capitol or for the show, but for me," he leans in then and presses his lips to mine but I can't move, "marry me because you love me and because I love you," his lips are melding against mine then and I can do no other than to surrender to the kiss.

Closing my eyes I let the feel of him wash over me and instantly I feel better, my body melts against his and I step forward so that he can pull me tightly against him, one of my hands skating up to his neck so I can feel the heat of his skin under my fingertips. Everything I was thinking not a few hours ago after Haymitch's whispered instructions comes tumbling down around me, well at least I know what Peeta thinks when he looks at me now. When he pulls back his breathing is raged and I can see the hunger in the depths of his eyes.

"Is that a yes?" he asks and I can hear the desperation in his voice.

I know now that I can break or make this man that I love with my next words. He's laid himself bare to me and I know that if I say no right now it will kill him, but can I say yes. I haven't even managed to say that I love him yet to his face, how can I say that I will marry him? Closing my eyes I take a moment from his intense stare to think. What am I scared of? I love him of course I want to spend the rest of every moment of my life with him, so why can't I say yes. A picture of my mother flashes in my mind, of her broken and unable to even speak after my father died and I know that's what wrong. What if I lose Peeta, I know that I won't be able to function, that I will be left like my mother completely broken and useless. But Marrying him won't change that, we could live together for the rest of our lives unmarried and I would still feel the same if I lost him, there was just something about marriage that was so concrete. Clutching at his shirt I breathe deeply and open my eyes.

He looks worried now and I can tell he thinks I'm going to say no, and I have every intention of saying no, not yet.

"Yes," but apparently that's not what comes out of my mouth.

There's a heartbeat where I think he didn't hear me and then his lifting me up against his body and spinning me around. I clutch at his shoulders as the world tips around me and then I'm back on my feet but unable to breathe as his lips have descended on mine capturing me in a flaming kiss that is sending shockwaves of heat through my body.

When he finally pulls back I'm grasping at his jacket to keep from falling over my legs feel so weak.

"God I love you Katniss," he says and I know that it's loud enough for everyone around us to hear.

My head feels light headed from the lack of oxygen and from the spinning and when I look up at him my world tilts slightly and then there's only his eyes.

"I love you to," the words slip from my mouth so easily that I have no idea why I haven't been able to say them to him before.

His smile turns soft and then his lips are on mine again, but this time it's a soft kiss full of our love and his acceptance of me.

"That a girl I knew we'd get you there eventually," he whispers and I can't help the bubble of shocked laughter that escapes my mouth before he kisses me again.

The rest of the night is a blur, I know we dance and eat and mingle but I can't remember any of it. Soon Effie finally says we have mixed enough and if we want to escape we can. She doesn't need to tell us twice we call for our car and are in it so fast that most people won't know we have left.

In the car alone for the first time I crawl onto Peeta's lap straddling him and his hands go to my waist holding me in place.

Pressing my fingers to his jaw I lock eyes with him, "I love you," I say out into the quietness of the car, "and I'm going to marry you," leaning in I press a kiss to his lips and let the heat of my need wash over the both of us.

I can feel now just how much Peeta is excited by this and I wiggle my hips drawing a gasp from his throat.

"I thought maybe when you had a second to think you'd change your mind," he laughs out but I can tell he's nervous and I know it's with good reason.

I'm like that really aren't I? I've flip flopped so much on him that I know he finds it hard to read my mind, finds it impossible to gage exactly what I'm thinking at any given time.

"I'm sorry Peeta that I ever made you doubt me," pressing a kiss to his jaw I swirl my tongue over his pulse point eliciting a moan from deep in his chest, "I promise to be more open from now on," pressing my body tightly against him I let him wrap me up in his arms as we head to our home for the next week.

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A/N well didn't that dip where I didn't expect it to yet lol but definitely for the better since I've got their interview coming up with Caesar. Hope you enjoyed and I can't wait to hear what ya'll thought. I might hold the next chapter hostage until I get a little feedback since it's already to go! (I more than likely won't you know what I'm like so humour me with some reviews before I cave and post it haha) newho hope you enjoyed and be seeing you again soon xx


	15. smell and comfort

A/N really feeling the love here so I thought what the hell why not give you another chapter! so here it is the last of the pre-written chapters so cherish it lol. I've been thinking about where to take this a lot, mostly I'm unsure about when they go back into the games (because they will I know that much) when the whole rescue thing happens they will be separated but I haven't decided if it will be Katniss or Peeta going to 13, what do you think? let me know what you might like to see, but be warned your decision may change in a few chapters! anywho enjoy and bless me with a full inbox again lol

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Staring at the clock on the wall I watch as the digital dial ticks from 3.45 to 3.46 I've been watching it for at least twenty minutes sleep completely illusive. I can feel Peeta sleeping soundly next to me and I don't want to leave the bed, his nightmare still to fresh against my skin. So instead I'm staring at the clock as the minutes tick by unable to sleep but unable to move.

"You know you think really loudly sometimes," Peeta's voice is slightly muffled as his face is buried against my neck but I hear his words as the tickle across my skin.

Turning slightly I look down at him and see his bright blue eyes in the ever present Capitol light filtering in through the window.

"I didn't wake you did I," I whisper for some reason even though we are alone in our quarters, I guess it's because it's so late.

Rubbing his eyes slightly he sits up against the headboard and I curl myself in against his chest, "na I never sleep properly when you're awake, not your fault," he yawns loudly and instantly I feel guilty.

If only I could have fallen into blissful sleep like he did I he would be fast asleep right now happily wrapped around me. But there's nothing I can do about that now. Sighing I scrub my hand over my face and pull back so I can see his face. He's watching me patiently as he always does, waiting me to set the course of things. I've learned quickly that Peeta likes to follow my lead, I've tried to push him into taking the lead more than once but he always get uncomfortable fidgeting and frowning at me. So even though it rubbed against my skin I always set the pace, and tried really hard to do what he would want.

"I'm sorry I just can't sleep, want to sit up with me?" I can't sit in bed any more watching the clock ticking time away.

He nods happily and we slip from the bed, it's only as he catches my hand at the door that I realise that we are both naked. With a laugh we turn back to the dressers we were provided and delve into them looking for clothes. I'm a little surprised to find that I have clothes in here as well as I was told this was Peeta's room, but then I think of Cinna's knowing smile and I know he's not as against our sleeping arrangement as Effie might be.

I decide on a pair of soft sea green pants that feel warm against my bare skin as I pull them on not bothering with underwear. I feel Peeta moving at my back then and turn to find he's holding out a t-shirt to me. With a smile I slip the material from his fingers and pull it on breathing deeply as I do realising that it's not a freshly laundered t-shirt so it smells just like him.

"I only wore it for an hour or two so it should still be perfectly clean," I can't help but grin at him.

He's given me something that smells like him because he's realised how much it comforts me. I notice then that he's pulled on a pair of soft grey pants that hang low on his hips and that he has no intention of wearing a t-shirt. When we don't sleep naked this is usually what he wears so it doesn't bother me in the slightest, I like having easy access to his skin. Reaching out I twin our hands together and I pull him with me into the sitting room which is quiet since everyone else is asleep or still out.

Pulling him down with me we curl together on the couch my legs tucked up underneath me and I lean my head against his chest. With a soft sigh of contentment Peeta picks up the remote on the arm of the chair and flicks the screen of the TV on the opposite wall on. For a moment the room is filled with noise but he knocks the sound off and starts flicking through the channels. There are things playing that I have never seen before obviously programming only shown in the Capitol, but eventually he pauses on a station and I find myself starring at a striking couple as they dance around a ball room with tens of onlookers smiling appreciably at them.

Its only as I catch the glint of golden thread and realise it's a mockingjay that my sleepy brain makes the connection and I realise that the strong arms holding the woman are Peeta's and that I am in fact the woman. We look so unlike ourselves that I hadn't realised that this is footage from earlier in the evening. I want to ask Peeta to put the sound on but it's kind of wonderful watching this perfect couple untroubled by anything dancing in silence.

"Did I tell you you looked beautiful tonight," Peeta whispers out into the silence as we watch ourselves.

"Yes but you can say it again," I respond and tear my eyes from the screen to find his blue gaze is on me.

With a chuckle he presses his lips to my hair and I can feel him breathing steadily. Closing my eyes I lounge in the moment wanting to capture and hold it here forever and I know that this moment will sustain me for the next few days as we parade around being completely not ourselves.

"Still want to marry me?" he asks suddenly and my eyes pop open.

Siting back a little I take in his slightly worried eyes and breathe deeply, "of course I do," I say it with so much conviction that it even convinces me.

I'm still a little on shaky ground when it comes to the marriage thing, I know where marriage leads, and I just don't think I can give Peeta what he wants. I know whenever I try and ask about the future all he ever says is that he wants me and that he'll be happy with that, but I know what else a normal future would hold. Wedded bliss is just the first step, after that come the children and I just don't think I can give him that. I might be caving on my convictions for the marriage thing but I definitely don't see it going the same way for the children, I'm only caving in the first place because I can simply not exist without him anymore.

But of course he doesn't hear any of my inner monologue and by some minor miracle he hasn't seen any of it reflected in my eyes. Instead he's heard the conviction in my words and they've settled the unease in his own eyes. Silently he leans in and I respond instantly lifting my chin so that he can press a kiss to my lips. This one is warm and loving, with none of the hunger that I have grown to expect when he touches me, but it still heats me to my core making my body grow heavy. When he pulls back his eyes are lidded but happy and I settle myself against his chest again, one hand resting in my favourite spot right over his heart.

It's only as I feel someone gripping my shoulder softly giving it a slight shake that I realise we must have dozed off. Instantly my eyes pop open and I find Haymitch staring down at me smiling softly.

"Morning sweetheart," he whispers and I realise that I'm lying sprawled across the couch, my face pressed against Peeta's chest since he is now lying beneath me.

"What time is it?" I ask as I push myself up a little and then still as Peeta grunts beneath my hands and throws his arm over his face.

"It's just a little after ten, I convinced Effie it was better to let you sleep, you know beauty sleep and all of that," he whispers and chuckles to himself as I suddenly have to grasp at Peeta as he rolls onto his side beneath me burying his head into the back of the couch and effectively trapping me between his body and the couch.

"There's food on the table in the dining room for ya, when you can extricate yourself," with a chuckle he disappears leaving me to deal with Peeta.

With a sigh I press my face into Peeta's shoulder and run my fingers along his bare arm.

"Peeta baby wake up," I whisper lifting my face from his shoulder so that I can trail kisses over his neck.

He grumbles into the couch but I can tell by the way his breathing has changed that he's waking up even if he's fighting it.

"Comfy," he mumbles and I just catch the word spilling a laugh from my throat.

Reaching up I can't help but run my fingers though his hair and he turns his head slightly so that I can see one bright blue eye staring at me, "what's so funny?"

I laugh again I can't help it; he just seems so cute and so unbothered that I want to capture this moment and bottle it.

"Nothing honestly," running my fingers through his hair again I press a kiss to his upper arm and try and scramble back a little.

Lightening quick his hands dart out pulling me against him and rolling over he has me pressed against his body again with me lying flat on top of him. Before I can say anything his hands are in my hair, tangling in the messy locks pulling me forward so that our lips are locked together. He kisses me deeply the taste of him on my tongue intoxicating and when I pull back finally I'm breathing deeply. For a moment my mind is fogged by him, by the hand that is massaging circles into the curve of my neck where it meets my shoulder, but I shake the feeling and remember we're extremely exposed here in the sitting room where anyone could walk through any moment. Playfully I hit my hands against his chest, snapping him out of the lust that was building between us.

"What now?" he moans as he scrubs a hand over his face obviously not happy that I'm not bending to his wanton ways.

Laughing I push myself up again until I'm finally sitting up perched precariously against his legs. He watches me from between his fingers until finally he drops his hand and I see the smile tugging at his lips.

"Well you can lie here all day risking god knows who walking in on you, but I want food," with that I spring from the couch dodging his hand as it darts our in an attempt to grab me.

When I burst into the dining room I'm laughing lightly and know that Peeta is hot on my heels. I pull up short though as I realise that the room is full and I feel as Peeta barrels into the back of me. I didn't expect so many people to be in the room, but then I think about the fact that they were all out late as well so we all seemed to need to later start. Effie is tucked in one corner of the table nursing a large cup of coffee, looking very un-Effie like and I guess quickly she must have gone at it a little hard the night before. Before we burst in Portia and Cinna had their heads bent together but when we enter they look up each giving us a grin. Haymitch of course is settled with a glass of whisky in his hand grinning stupidly at the both of us.

Suddenly self-conscious I pull at the hem of my t-shirt, or should I say Peeta's, and take a hesitant step into the room. Behind me Peeta has gathered his wits faster than I have and he wraps his arms around my shoulders, his hands resting against my collar bone folded over each other. He nudges me forward with his knees to the backs of my legs and I stumble into the room.

Peeta detangles himself from me as we move to the table and dropping a kiss on my cheek as he passes plonks himself into a seat and pulls a bowl of fruit towards him. I can't get over how at ease Peeta always is, his chest is completely bare at the moment, and he has one foot tucked up onto the chair so that his knee is resting under his chin as he take a bite of water melon. His eyes don't leave my face as I take the seat next to him, and he pulls over a tray with a little silver craftier sat atop it. At first I think it must hold tea or coffee, but when Peeta pours the warm liquid out I see quickly that its hot chocolate and I smile as he hands me a cup and settle back into the chair.

"Well I think your costumes were a hit last night," I say to Cinna and Portia after I've swallowed some of the liquid savouring the taste on my tongue and how it warms me as it slides down my throat.

"I think you were the hit last night, we just had a helping hand," Portia replies with a grin.

We chat for a little bit about the party and how well we were received; apparently it couldn't have gone better. Effie to her credit has been fielding calls most of the morning from people who want us to make personal appearances at their parties while we are in the Capitol, and I'm glad for the most part she has turned them down otherwise Peeta and I wouldn't get a second to breathe.

Without realising it as we chat my hand has snaked out to find Peeta and I find it pressed against the skin of his hip without realising it. Looking up I find he's watching me silently his cheek pressed to his knee his bright blue eyes intense as he studies me, not for the first time. For a moment I'm lost in that look but then Haymitch is clearing his throat and I tear my attention to him. He's frowning slightly but I can see that he's smiling as well, he's all mixed up exactly how I feel right about now.

"Well I really didn't expect that," he says suddenly and the chatter around us dies as everyone stops to listen to him.

I know he's talking to me though so I ignore the pressure in my stomach and turn slightly to look at him, "expect what?"

He puts his drink down and suddenly I realise he's not as drunk as he normally is, and he's always dangerous when he's like this, he sees too much and I know he can see everything about me when he's like this.

"That Peeta could win you over so completely so quickly," he laughs a little then and the noise grates over my skin for some reason, "I mean I knew the boy loved you plain as anything, but I didn't know he could get under your skin this well Katniss so quickly," he laughs again and suddenly I want to be angry.

I can feel it boiling in my stomach replacing the unease and I'm about to say something when Peeta's fingers tighten over mine where they are still resting against his skin. I turn to look at him and feel the frown ease from my face, instantly he's relaxing me even though I can see that Haymitch's words have bothered him as well.

"Nonsense Haymitch," Effie titters and I turn to look at her, "we all knew from the moment they kissed in the arena they loved each other. The whole country knew that, it's not their fault," she gestures at the two of us and I nearly smile, "that you're to drink idled to pick up on what's going on in front of your face."

I could kiss Effie right then, I know she doesn't like our sleeping arrangement but with her soft admonishment of Haymitch I know she's definitely one of those out there rooting for Peeta and I. Haymitch laughs then and my attention snaps back to him. Holding his hands up in surrender under my glare he picks his drink back up and takes another swig.

"Alright you win Effie, I'm sorry," he bows his head a little to the two of us and then he's rising from his feet to leave.

I'm not really sure what's wrong with him, I thought I'd already made it perfectly clear what I feel for Peeta, but never mind let him grumble all he wants. Peeta tugs on my hand then and I turn to look at him smiling softly letting him know without words that I'm fine and picking up a piece of his fruit I slip it into my mouth determined to ignore the power play going on around us.

I can hear Cinna and Portia chatting softly about the costumes we will wear tonight for the interview and I concentrate on that as Peeta sketches patterns on the back of my hand from where he's pulled it to rest against the warmth of his leg. Its awkward eating with one hand but I don't want to pull away, I've become addicted to the feel of him under my finger tips and I have no reason to care here we aren't being filmed for the moment so I give into my vulnerability.

Listening to Cinna and Portia I realise that they can't decide which way to take the interview tonight, should we be aloof, wrapped in nothing but each other as we were last night, or should we play to the cameras a little more.

"I think we should play to them more," Peeta says suddenly bringing me out of my own thoughts, "we've shown them we are a united front, now we need to show them our softer side. Show them the little things that show we're in love, not just the big gestures," he pops a piece of the muffin he has been tearing apart into his mouth then looking around the table that has once again grown quiet, "what?" he mumbles around the bread and I simply shake my head at him.

"I think you're right Peeta, we do need to show the softer side of the both of you," Portia say shooting a look at Cinna.

Apparently this was what she was trying to get across and with a shrug Cinna caves and it's decided. Alright we have a semi plan for the interview in place and breakfast isn't even over, hopefully today is going to be a good one.


	16. For public consumption

A/N hello hello my lovely people, well I hope you like this chapter, I wrote it yesterday and have been going through it as best as my little eyes can to make it perfect for you guys (well as close as i can get anyway lol) my brain isn't happy with me since I've been switching tenses and from third to first person for this one from my HP one I'm working on and its sodding hard lol! so bare with me if i make a few slips I've tried to catch them all. Newho hope everyone around the world has had a good new year and once again bless me with a full inbox I love seeing the reviews!

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Standing to the side of the stage I can see all of the crowd heading to their seats but they can't see me. Peeta is stood talking furiously with Haymitch about what we are going to discuss tonight but I don't really care, I know I'm going to take all of my queues from him since he's always the one that knows what to say. Instead I smooth my hands over my dress straightening out imaginary creases. Once again I have to tip my hat to Cinna for the dress he has made me. It's made of a light blue silk that matches Peeta's eyes perfectly, the neckline dipping to show a little of my artificially padded cleavage, but it's still clean and respectable. He's given me sleaves that start just blow my shoulders again which Peeta was extremely happy about threatening to get us both distracted for a moment, but these sleeve run the length of my arms and are cinched in at the wrists with a little diamond button. The skirt of the dress reaches to just above my knee and when I move the material makes a soft whispering sound that I quiet enjoy.

Peeta is wearing something that matches but isn't exactly the same to show our link without being too weird, though in the capitol I don't know what pushes things to weird. Portia has dressed him in dark blue pants; the same kind of blue as my dress just a deeper shade, and a bright white crisp shirt that has a blue shimmer undertone when the light hits it just right. They've left off the jacket and tie going for the relaxed look and he's left a few of the buttons undone at the neck and chest. Every now and then when he moves I see a flash of his chest and have to fight the urge to dip my fingers to the skin there.

I've pulled my hair back into a semblance of the braid my mother did for me, but Cinna added the touch of pulling a few bits of my hair loose from it so that I have thin loose curls framing my face and I actually quite like it, obviously it's not practical but we're not going for that at the moment. Peeta's hair has been left natural, instead of being jelled back like his other interviews. He keeps running his fingers through it pushing it from his eyes but every now and then his fringe flops down into his eyes and I find myself biting my lip watching that, for some reason I find it extremely sexy.

As if he can feel my eyes on him again he looks up at me and smiles over Haymitch's shoulder not pausing once in their discussion but I feel my heart beat pick up.

"Quick Cinna distract her again," Portia laughs as she passes me and I can feel the blush creep up my cheeks.

Turning I find Cinna heading my way smiling brightly as he does, "ignore her she's only having fun," he says as he comes in and presses a kiss to my cheek.

Smiling at him I can't help smoothing my hands over my dress again, "another masterpiece Cinna," he laughs at that and I find myself chatting about light things for once.

Soon though I feel Peeta come up behind me, and as he wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me up against him Cinna melts into the background and I'm thankful. I can feel the heat spreading through my body from his touch and I can't help it when a sigh of happiness slips from my lips.

"Ready for this," he whispers over my ear as he buries his face in my hair and breaths me in.

"Of course, I can do anything with you next to me," I reply and he chuckles at that.

"Haymitch thinks it's a good idea," he says simply and I nod still unsure.

After breakfast this morning we had stolen a moment to ourselves and Peeta had explained to me what he plans on doing. Of course I got annoyed at first thinking that he'd only asked me to marry him so that he could do it in public today but after lots of reassurances on his part I agreed that it would be good. So today he's going to get down on one knee in front of all of the Panem and ask me to marry him, and of course I will say yes. I feel better with the thought that he's already asked me, this won't be the real proposal that we will have to share with everyone, this will just be the public side and we can keep the real thing for just the two of us.

His lips are against my neck now and he's fast reaching the point where we are going to get distracted.

"Peeta," I can't help but breathe out and it's supposed to be a warning but instead my voice is breathy.

He chuckles against my skin and lifts his head from my neck and instead leans his forehead against my bare shoulder.

"You're going to be the death of me Katniss," he whispers and I know exactly what he means but before I can say anything in kind the crew around us is suddenly buzzing and I realise that it must be time.

Stepping from behind me he takes my hand in his entangling our fingers as he does and I can't help but clutch at him a little desperately. I'm not good with these interviews as I've proven countless times in the past, but I know he'll be at my side now so I can do this with his help. Soon there's a crew member ushering us to the edge of the stage and I only have chance to look over my shoulder to see Haymitch give me one of his wiry grins before we are being introduced.

"And now for my guests the 74th Victors Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen!" the crowd goes wild and taking a deep breath I let Peeta lead me out onto the stage.

For a moment I can't see anything thanks to the bright lights so I simply concentrate on Peeta's form and let him lead me to our seats. They've given us one large love seat to sit on again and I'm glad for it since I don't think I could manage to sit by myself. Peeta easily folds himself onto the couch and then with a little urging he has me tucked in against his side and I can hear the audience sighing in appreciation. Show time I guess, and with that thought I turn to the audience and give my best in love girl smile which they all eat up.

"So my lovebirds how is life as a victor treating you," Caesar asks launching straight into the interview.

I let Peeta take the reins and he dives into telling them all about working on the cakes at the bakery, how he just loves doing orders for all of his fans in the Capitol which gets a big cheer and I know for sure there will be fresh orders waiting for him when he gets home. He talks a little about our normal day, whispering out conspiratorly that we may or may not wake up together more than once, and that makes me blush of course which apparently is the perfect reaction. With a little prompting from Peeta I even manage to get out about working on my clothing designs which of course is all fabricated but it seems to roll off my tongue naturally enough that people wouldn't question it.

I find myself slowly slipping closer and closer to Peeta until eventually I've given up all pretence kicked my lovely sky blue heels off and have my feet tucked under me so that I can snuggle in really close to him. He wraps his hand around my waist hoisting me closer still and I can't help the small giggle that slips from my lips which the audience eats up. Soon I have myself plastered against his side, my hand searching out as it would if we were at home to find his heartbeat, and of course thanks to his shirt being undone my fingertips find his bare skin sending a sizzling shock through my nerve endings leaving me a little breathless, which once again seems to work in our favour.

Of course being this close to him may not necessarily be the best move since I so easily get distracted when I am.

Its only as Caesar starts laughing that I realise I missed a question, "I'm sorry what was that?" I say trying for demur but simply getting across breathy but the audience is laughing and they seem to love it.

"I asked what your plans are for the future my dear," he says reaching out and patting my knee closest to him.

Turning I look up slightly at Peeta and realise that this would be the perfect opportunity for him to propose and he reads that in my eyes perfectly. I feel his heart spike a little under my fingertips and I have to fight the laugh that wants to spill from lips at his nervousness since I'm not supposed to know what's about to happen.

"Well Caesar I hope that I can answer that for you," Peeta finally says and then he's slipping from my side so that I have to sit up and the audience is gasping in anticipation.

Down on one knee in front of me he takes my hand in his and I can't help but feel a flutter in my stomach even though this is fake. He gives me his best Peeta smile, the one that he only has for me and I can't help but return it.

"Katniss I've loved you since we were five," the whole room has fallen silent now and you could hear a pin drop, "I can't picture spending my life with anyone but you no matter what," he takes a breath then and I know it's coming and I can't help but leaning forwards slightly, "will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

There's a heartbeat where I don't answer and we'd discussed this before the interview, keep the audience on the edge of the seats for just a moment before I finally answer.

"Yes of course I will," I answer my voice breathy and brimming with unshed tears.

With a humongous grin he's up on his feet pulling me with him so that he can lift me against his body. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold on as he spins us together and I can hear the audience going wild now, they've eaten every bit up with greed and I know we have them where we need them. When he finally puts me down he sinks his fingers into my hair and pulls me against him so that he can capture my lips in a kiss that is breathtaking. When we finally pull apart the crowd is going wild around us and I can't help but grin as Peeta snakes an arm around my waist and pulls me in until my body is plastered against his. Reaching around him I curl my fingers into the back of his shirt where no one can see and simply hold on for dear life.

Caesar calls it quits there quickly wrapping up the interview and thankfully we make our escape pretty unhindered. We don't get a moment to ourselves until we're tucked safely in the car with Effie and Haymitch. Much to my surprise Effie has a hanky to her eyes and shoots each of us dirty looks when we try to ask what's wrong. I'm sure I hear Haymitch mumbled something about being a hopeless romantic in her direction which elicits a very un-Effie response when she hits him lightly on the shoulder. By the time the car reaches the tribute tower that is home for the moment we are all laughing.

There's a crowd waiting as we exit of course and Peeta and I stop for a moment to sign autographs and take photos, the whole experience is so surreal that I don't know what to make of it. Soon enough Peeta rescues me and we make it back to our room. No one argues when we simply slip into our room and lock the door, even Effie catches my eye and smiles when she sees Peeta pulling me along.

When the door is locked he captures me in another kiss that I let burn across my skin.

"We made it," he whispers against my lips and I can hear the relief in his voice.

Reaching up I can't help pushing my fingers into his hair, twirling the soft strands around, "yeah we made it."

One obstacle down and countless others to overcome, but we made this hurdle and hopefully we were doing what we needed to.


	17. pain and memories

Waking I can feel Peeta pressed against my skin his hand burning hot on my hip. For a moment all I can do is lay there and feel the heat of him against my body, but then other bodily urges force me from our bed and I stumble into the bathroom, flicking the light on and then turning it down to barely light the room. I can feel the train moving under my feet and I sigh at the feel of it.

Our week in the capitol is a hit, all of our personal appearances having the exact desired effect. The morning after the interview Peeta and I woke to find that we had had roses delivered, pure as white snow with a red drop in the very middle. The card was simple but still scared me; written in a flowing neat hand was the words, _keep up the good work._ For a while all I could do was stare at those words but then I shredded the card, threw the flowers in the bin and spent the morning curled in Peeta's arms. It was nice to know we were on track in Snow's eyes but it still scared me to death thinking about his thinly veiled threats.

Turning the water in the sink on I splash some across my now heated cheeks to try and calm myself. We were finally at the last stage of the tour, soon we would be home and Peeta and I could deal with the fall out of our tour on our families. Something normal really since every couple in existence has had to deal with the 'in-laws' I was actually quiet looking forward to it. I liked Peeta's father and his gentle ways, and I could just about stomach his mother as long as she kept her mouth shut, and I knew my mother liked Peeta very much even if she did frown whenever he was around.

By the time I turn the water on in the shower I can hear Peeta moving around in the bedroom and know it won't be long until he's joining me. Stripping off the knickers and tank top I had fallen asleep in I step into the shower wincing a little as the hot water hits my cold skin. My mind is occupied with thoughts of the day to come though as the heat around me settles against my body. Today is the day I have been dreading most, today we will be in district 11. I press my fingers over my heart as I feel it flutter thinking of Rue. I can't help but squeeze my eyes shut as her smiling face flashes across my vision and then the guilt sets in. I've been so happy with Peeta, his body chasing the bad dreams away that I feel like I'm starting to let her slip through my fingers, and I can't do that. My resolve is iron when I think about her, she will never slip from my memories I will hold onto her as much as I would if she was indeed Prim.

It's only as his cool hands slip around my body that I realise Peeta has joined me in the shower.

"Where'd you go," he whispers as he plants a soft kiss to my neck.

I know exactly what he's asking, not about slipping from bed but where my mind has wandered to, but I can't find the words to talk to him instead I turn in the circle of his arms and press a kiss to his lips which he eagerly returns. Giving myself over to him I let him distract me from my worries for a little while.

When we emerge from our car everyone is gathered for breakfast as normal, but everyone seems to feel the same as me as the room is sombre. When I sit Peeta pulls over a plate of scrambled eggs and spoons some onto my own plate and hands me a fork. I frown at him but he simply picks up his own fork and adds a sausage to his plate. I know exactly what he's getting at, that I need to look after myself and all of that but the eggs don't taste right against my tongue. Forcing a mouthful down my throat I listen to everyone else chatting softly around me unable to find words to add to the conversation, but soon it's time to get ready and I slip from my seat silently my food barely touched.

I can feel Peeta's eyes on me as Flavius takes my hand in his and starts to strip of the green nail varnish he had painted on there the day before. Octavia is chatting with Cinna about my hair, completely oblivious to my mood as usual and I tune them out as I feel her fingers start to run through the braid I pulled my hair into after my shower. I cannot seem to get past the hole in my stomach that wants to swallow me at the moment; I can feel the weight of it as if I had rocks around my stomach. How am I supposed to go into Rue's district and act all light and in love, how am I supposed to look down into the faces of her family and flaunt my happiness in their faces when it has been less than six months since they buried their child.

When I open my eyes again Flavius has finished painting my nails with an opalescent shimmer colour that shines as the light hits it. It's simple and understated and for once I actually don't mind it, but even this can't bring a smile to my lips. Looking up into the mirror I find that Cinna has had Octavia do my hair in my signature braid, but she has also laced it with thin white ribbon as well making it look a lot more sophisticated than it actually is. Over my right shoulder I can see Venia pulling a dress bag from one of the closets and I watch as she lays it down on the bed to unzip it. The dress that she pulls from it is ice white and I can't pull my eyes from it as she approaches. Cinna my wonderful magician has done it for me again.

Climbing to my feet I let them strip the robe I had been seated in from my shoulders and then Cinna and Flavius are holding the material up so that I can slip it over my head. I ease my arms into the sleeves, feeling as they tighten over my upper arms until they fit snuggly against my skin. When Cinna pulls the material down completely I run my hands over the bodice of the dress as Flavius does the buttons at the back up, each a very delicate pearl. As I turn in the light I can see that the sleeves of the dress have been embroidered with flowers in white thread so that it's only as the light catches them that you can see it. Running my fingers carefully over them I realise quickly that they are the flowers I covered Rue in after she died. My eyes snap to Cinna to find that he is watching me silently as my team circles me settling my skirt and messing with loose strands of my hair. I can't say anything to him, all of the words stuck in my throat but he smiles sadly and I know he knows how I feel about this.

When Peeta is finally relinquished I fall into his arms and he wraps me up tightly. I fight back the tears knowing all I will do is stain his shirt that is crisp and white beneath my fingertips. Taking a deep breath I steady myself and take in his form. He's wearing another white shirt and a pair of black slacks tailored perfectly to his body. He's also wearing a black waistcoat over the shirt, that has black flowers to match mine stitched into the heavier cotton of the front. I take in his form and then wrap myself around him again feeling the silkiness of the back of the waistcoat under my fingertips.

"It'll be alright Katniss, everyone knows why this will be so hard, they'll expect it," pressing his lips to my forehead he holds me while my body calms down.

When I pull away again it's to find that both teams have retreated and I'm glad they're giving me a moment to gather myself together. Taking my hand Peeta leads me to the bed and I sit down heavily breathing deeply fighting back the tears that are threatening. Peeta sits next to me pulling a small box from nowhere and I frown as he flips the lid open and reveals its contents. I can't help a small smile that reaches my lips as I see the gold of my pin. Reaching in Peeta pulls it out and then carefully pins it to my dress his hand lingering over the metal for a moment until it feels warm against my chest.

"Thank you Peeta," I whisper out my throat suddenly so thick I find it hard to even talk.

Just then there's a soft knock at the door and I know it's time for us to get off the train and deal with this last bit of horror. Taking my hand Peeta pulls me to my feet and helps me step into the small white slippers that my team have left for me. Clutching Peeta's hand in a death grip I follow him out of the room and then off the train and onto the platform. There's a small crowd gathered here but like this morning at breakfast it's a sombre crowd, they greet me and Peeta with small smiles and a few reach out their hands to I respond instantly. Others simply trial their fingers over us as we pass and I know it's a welcoming but sad gesture. Soon though we are whisked into another car and are heading to their town hall.

I can't bring myself to look out of the window as we move so instead I tuck myself in against Peeta as he wraps his arm around me and I bury my face in against his neck. I know even here we are being watched so I carefully compose myself, and whenever I feel like breaking I hide my face against his skin.

I feel numb as we are given a quick tour of the building not taking much in that I'm being told. Instead I find myself clutching tightly at Peeta's arm my fingers digging into his arm and trying hard not to lose the food I had forced down earlier. So it was with relief that we were lead out onto a platform erected outside of the building.

Looking out at the small crowd I quickly realise that the tensions in this district must still be high, even after Peeta and I's good work. The place is crawling with peacekeepers each one in full uniform, and some carry gigantic guns. Instantly my stomach is in my throat and even Peeta's touch under my fingertips won't calm my mind. Are we doing more harm than anything being here, what can we possibly do to make them feel for us, these people with hooded eyes that watch us so quietly?

Taking out seats on the podium we listen to the mayor talk, his praise for the lives lost in the games, for Rue and I tune out his words knowing all they are going to do is make me cry so I hold onto Peeta and wait for our turn. Unlike in other districts we don't take turns to say things, instead I stand with him my hand laced together with his fingers and my body turned against his. I feel stupid looking out at all the people as Peeta makes a beautiful speech about what we all went through and how each person we have lost lives on in our hearts always, that we will forever carry a part of them into the future. I can feel tears prickling at my eyes especially when Peeta reaches the part that we had talk furiously about, when he pledges food to the families a profound silence falls and I can almost feel his words settling into the skin.

As he draws to a close I move closer to him so that the mike can pick up my words, "I am sorrier than you can ever know for all of your loses," my eyes fall on a woman I know is Rue's mother she looks so much like her daughter, and the girl at her side is most definitely a carbon copy of her sister, "I wanted to bring her home for you and I'm sorry that I couldn't. But I promise not to squander the gift that is my life," my simple words said I turn with Peeta's arm wrapped protectively around me and no one protests as we leave the platform.

I can't take anymore, I knew this was going to be hard but this was more than I can take. Suddenly my legs are too weak and I feel myself slipping and before I know it Peeta has scooped me into his arms and I bury my face against his chest.

"I think she's exhausted we've been through so much," Peeta is making excuses for me again, protecting me as always and all I can do is curl my fingers into his shirt and hold on for dear life.

I can hear voices whispering around me and I know they are discussing me but I don't care. Soon I feel Peeta moving again carrying me so easily though I know it must be hard with his leg.

"We're nearly back love it'll be alright," his whispered words against my hair make me feel somewhat better, he's taking me back to the train and I don't have to pretend anymore.

No one tries to follow us back into our compartment and I'm thankful knowing I'm in no state to deal with them. With careful hands Peeta lowers me onto the bed and then ever so carefully he slips the dress from my body. I feel the heat of his hands against my cold flesh but there's nothing more to it than love. Eventually he has me stripped to my underwear and he pulls the comforter back so that I can slip into the bed. He leaves for a moment and I feel my body instantly grow cold and I can feel the pain threatening to take me again but then he's there sliding in beside me pulling my body against his and I let him surround me and chase the ever present nightmares away.


	18. homecoming

I wake with my heart pounding in my throat and the feel of a scream on my lips but I know I've swallowed it since the room is silent. Instantly I know the train has stopped finally, and when I look through the little portal window it shows darkness outside. Stretching my cramped muscles my hand darts along the crumpled sheets searching for a familiar warmth and comfort of Peeta, only to find the sheets next to me cold. Instantly adrenaline spikes through my body and I bolt upright in bed uncaring that the sheet has slipped down to pool around my hips leaving my upper half almost completely exposed. The nightmare wraps around reality once more and the fear chokes me for a moment making it impossible to think straight.

"Peeta!" I scream out suddenly desperate for him, my eyes searching the darkness for any sign of him.

He was right there when I closed my eyes, his warmth pressing against my body as I felt his lips moving across my skin. I can't remember the last time that I woke up without him wrapped around me and it's scared the living daylights out of me.

"Peeta!" I scream out again, but this time I can hear the edge of hysteria in it.

There's a bang in the hallway and then the door is sliding back revealing someone in the semi darkness, the light from the hallway back lighting them making it hard to see.

"Katniss," Haymitch's voice hisses into the dark and all I can do is whimper in return.

He stumbles into the room then and I lift my hands to him, and I can tell that he doesn't know what I want, but I can't help it I need him to calm me. Two stumbling steps later he's there, perching on the edge of the bed and I feel his hands wrap around me pulling me against him. I wrap my hand in his shirt and bury my face against his shoulder, my body suddenly heaving with giant silent sobs.

"It's ok love, I'm sure he's just slipped out he'll be right back," he whispers as his hand trails awkwardly over my hair and all it does is make me feel worse, he's not who I need.

"Haymitch," a voice calls questioningly into the dark and I lift my face from his shoulder to see Peeta stood just in the doorway frowning at me.

With an inarticulate cry I fly from the bed and throw myself at him, "where were you?!" I all but accuse as I hit my fist against his shoulder and he simply frowns as he catches my next blow and pulls me against his body.

With a sob I collapse against him and he has to wrap his arms around me and hold me or risk my body sinking to the floor. I hear Haymitch and he whisper around me but I ignore them both burying my face against Peeta's shoulder as I wrap my arms around his torso and hold him tightly against him.

I hear the door shut and know that Haymitch has gone, that we're alone again but I can't move, can't pull myself from him. I feel him move and then his arm is slipping under my legs to that he can lift me bridal style and I let my body go soft so he can carry me. For a moment I worry about his strength, he's carried me a lot lately, but I know he won't like me saying anything. He prides himself in being able to protect and look after me, so all my questioning will succeed in doing is to hurt him, so I stay quiet and bury my face tightly against his shoulder. When he sits on the bed with me tucked against him I finally lift my face and he looks me deep in the eyes and I can feel the tears spilling forwards.

"Oh Katniss," his whispers as his fingers trail over my cheeks catching the spilled tears.

"I woke up and you weren't there, I was so scared, the cannon," I mumble and then my voice is stolen by tears again.

His hand snakes around my nape and he pulls me so that I have my face buried against the crook of his neck as he whispers soothing words to me. I know I'm being stupid but every now and then the nightmares take hold and it's hard to escape them.

"We're out Katniss, there's no cannon's here, no death," his words whisper across my skin and I can feel my body calming just with his touch, "it was just district eleven its dredged up all those fears and worries, we'll be home soon. That's where I was, I was checking with Effie how long it'll be until we're home. I promise I was only gone five minutes tops, you know I wouldn't leave you," I know he means more than just leave me for a moment, I know he's telling me he's going to be here forever for me and that calms the chaos ruling my body.

Eventually I calm enough that he can detangle me and place me back in the bed. I watch with slightly sore eyes as he pulls his trousers and t-shirt back off until he's in nothing but the boxers he likes to wear to bed. I see him pause for a moment as his eyes skitter over my form huddled in the sheets, and then his hands move to strip off that last barrier between us. When he slips into bed next to me his body is hot against my cool skin and I let him work to remove my underwear so that we're free of anything between us. We tangle together until my face is presses tightly against his collar bone, with his fingers tangled into my wild hair. I fall asleep to him whispering words of love to me.

When I wake again there's light filtering through the window, and I can feel Peeta breathing beneath me softly. Opening my eyes I scan the room and realise that it mustn't be that long since I feel asleep again, but I can feel nature calling and my stomach is growling since I skipped dinner thanks to my melt down. As I detangle myself a little and sit back I know I should let Peeta sleep but I can't move without letting him know where I am, not after the show I just put on.

Trailing my fingers through his hair I press a kiss to his jaw, "Peeta baby wake up," I whisper still not really sure about waking him up.

He mumbles and turns so that he can nuzzle against my skin and I can't help but smile, "I know baby wakey wakey," his eyes open a slit and I catch some of that amazing blue that has to power to steel my breath.

"I'm sorry to wake you, I just wanted you to know I was getting up," he nods and his eyes open wider before he yawns.

"Give me a minute, I'm getting up," he mumbles as he scrubs a hand over his face.

"You don't have," he cuts me off with a kiss and when he pulls back I can't help but smile against his lips.

"I'm getting up," he says simply and I just nod pressing my forehead against his as I breathe in his scent.

Soon enough we pull apart and head to the bathroom. I have a shower first not trusting Peeta to join me knowing how easily we get distracted and when he slips under the water I move back to the bedroom to dress. Choosing a simple pair of soft leather pants and a light green top that billows around me slightly, I'm sat on the bed pulling on my well-worn leather boots when Peeta finally emerges from the shower a towel wrapped loosely around his hips. As he moves into the room to grab clothes I take a moment to take in his well-toned back. Peeta has always been strong, since well before the games working in the bakery daily giving him upper body strength, but now his back seems more sculpted and I frown.

"Peeta have you been lifting weights?" I puzzle and he turns to me with one of his wiry grins.

"Well I have to do something while you're hunting," his grin widens a little more before he turns to snag a top from his chest of draws.

Frowning to myself I think about this, how had I not noticed this face before. Sure I felt the strength in his arms but really stopping to look he really has changed a lot in the three months since the games. Putting my worries out of my head for a moment, making a mental note to talk to him about it soon, I simply watch and take in the show of him getting dressed. If being with Peeta has taught me anything, it's that a man getting dressed can just be as sexy as him getting undressed. About half way through I think he realises that I'm watching him and he drags it out. I definitely know he feels me watching when he bends in just the right way to tie his shoes so that I get a perfect view of his toned leg and butt.

Growling softly I'm up and out of my seat before he realises it and with a laugh he catches me as I throw myself at him. Before we can get too lost in me undoing all of his good work there's a knock at the door. Detangling myself from him I bounce to my feet and straighten my top leaving him sat on the floor looking a little dazed.

With an easy stride I'm at the door opening it before he can gather himself and Cinna chuckles as he takes in the sight of the room, but wisely doesn't say anything.

"We'll be at your home district in about an hour; Effie thinks its best you get some food since when we arrive it'll be another round of question and photo ops."

With another glance over my shoulder at Peeta who has only just climbed to his feet, and a chuckle thrown our way, he leaves giving me a minute more with Peeta.  
"I'm sorry about last night," I mumble out, the mood in the room suddenly plummeting.

Closing my eyes I try and chase the pain that has spiked through my body away and I feel Peeta's arms slip around me.

"You know it doesn't bother me love, I'm here for whatever you need," his lips press against my temple and I breath in his scent.

Part of me hates that I have become so reliant on this man, how did the strong lone hunter that had taken on the sole care of both my mother and sister after my father had died. What happened to the girl that entered the games determined to stand alone and come out alive for Prim. Looking up into Peeta's eyes I see the answer instantly, it's simple really she fell in love.

* * *

Being home is wonderful; the crisp bite of the winter air is wonderful as we leave the train surrounded by our own people. There's shout and cheers from everyone gathered and I can't help but grin as Peeta wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me against him as we both wave. We don't have to act here, this is our home and for once we aren't fighting the ghost of people we killed or died because we lived, no here we are their champions, their victors.

Effie whisks us to the town hall where the cameras are set up for another interview and speech but this one is an easy one, lots of questions about plans for the wedding and what we'll do before the quarter Quell in the summer. I let Peeta answer mostly, his easy flow with words making it so simple to just sit back but I keep alert this time, my eyes constantly scanning the crowds for faces I know. I see Prim and my mother easily; they're not far from the stage that has been erected, their eyes shining as they take us in. I'm still nervous about the reception our engagement is going to get behind closed doors, but my mother's smile gives me some hope she'll go easy on us.

Finally the interviews are over and we have a moment to breath before the celebrations start. Tonight will be another feast, another party celebrating our victory and I don't mind, at least I know everyone in the district will be fed tonight, I'll live through whatever parties and humiliations I have to to give them all that. In the moment we have to breathe our family is there and we have a moment. I watch as Peeta's father pulls him into a hug but his mother stands back simply scowling at us all. I have a feeling that she's going to be the one that gives us the most trouble, but she has the good sense not to say anything with people around that could hear and relay to higher authorities. His brothers crowd him after his father steps back and the three of them whisper together their eyes darting to me every now and then but I simply smile every time they do.

Prim practically throws herself at me when she sees me and I easily catch her pulling her into a tight hug delightedly in her exuberance.

"Hello my little duck," I laugh as she wraps her arms around my neck squeezing tightly in her exuberance.

"Is it true, are you going to marry Peeta," she whispers against my ear her words for no one but me, my eyes flick to Peeta over her shoulder and he smiles.

With a smile for him I nod to Prim and she squeals again squeezing me once more until I have to detangle her from lack of oxygen. When my mother walks forwards we fold into a slightly awkward hug, still unsure of our roles in each other's lives. When she pulls back she holds me at arm's length her deft and nimble fingers digging into my upper arms slightly but I don't pull away I have a feeling she's searching for an answer to a question I don't understand. Eventually she nods to herself and then wraps me back in her arms.

"We'll talk when we're alone," she whispers against my ear and I know for the moment our confrontation has been put off.

Soon Peeta rescues me, his fingers finding mine and tangling our hands together, and I'm more than happy for him to pull me away. We make a quick pit stop at our homes so that we can change, and for once Effie manages to separate us. I don't fight this time realising that my mother wouldn't be happy with the arrangement we had on the train, even if she was used to the two of us sneaking around by now. I don't want to flaunt too much in her face at the moment before we can talk so I let Cinna detangle me from Peeta long enough to get changed.

We've gone for simple this time, a pair of long brown pants that flutter around my legs a little and a light green top made of gauzy material that floats around my body slightly giving me a slightly ethereal look. He's paired it with a jacket made of the same material as the pants, but it's lined in fur so it's warm against my bear arms. The boots he gives me are made of some kind of green sturdy material I don't recognise but there soft under foot when I walk so I don't mind, especially since they seem to radiate warmth even in the thick drifts of snow. When I finally return to Peeta's side he's wearing thick dark blue pants and I midnight blue coat that sweeps his knees. His jacket looks almost military and I frown at it before I realise Portia is trying to show his harder side, the warrior that he is, while Cinna is trying to show my softer side, the woman in love. Both of them are playing up the sides we show the least and once again our stylists have become our best weapon. When we step back in front of the camera's we know how to play it, and I let Peeta take the lead as we head back to the hall and the party that waits.

The festivities run late into the night, everyone enjoying the food and drink that can run so scarce in our slice of the world. Peeta and I stay to the last, singing dancing and mixing with everyone until the dawn is lighting the sky outside. All night we talk with our fellow comrades, tell them of the things we have seen and what we hope for the future. The dream seems so much closer here than anywhere else, these people truly wish us well when they clasp our hands or pull us into fleeting embraces. When people whisper to me how happy they are, or that they always knew Peeta would win me over I believe it and I can't help but smile at them in return.

There's one dark spot to the night, I only see him once, and I can feel him watching me. Gale a silent shadow stoically standing to the side and simply watching. His mother hugs me tightly and when she pulls back I can see unshed tears sparkling in her eyes but she doesn't say anything ill instead she kisses my cheek and wishes me and Peeta the world blessing out engagement. But as she talks my eyes are all for her son whose face is uncharacteristically blank as he watches me. For once I can't read what he's thinking this boy that I have spent my life knowing, this boy who I could read so easily a few months ago is closed to me now. I ache for the loss of him, he's my best friend I want to share all of this with him, the wonder at something I didn't think I would ever have, but I know that I'll never be able to do it. There's a tare between us that I simply can't fix and it makes me ache to think of it.

Grasping my hand tightly Peeta drags my attention from Gale and I answer the question he's asked me twice. When I look back Gale is gone, more than likely slipping into our woods and for a moment I feel a pang as I want to follow him, instead I wrap my fingers around Peeta's upper arm and try to ignore the pain in my heart.

Eventually people drift home, but we stay until everyone is gone. Unlike the other parties I don't mind this one lasting I want to see our people happy because I know how fleeting it is, I didn't fail to see the people slipping wrapped packages of food into their bags, their eyes darting to the peacekeepers whenever they did. This was a happiness that wouldn't last but for the moment I would soak it up and hold it near to me ready to battle off the pain that the next drought or food shortage would bring.

With his arm slung around my shoulder Peeta pulls me home and neither of us even bother with the pretence of going our separate ways. Instead we slip into Peeta's quiet home, and he leads me silently to his room. When I begin stripping off my ensemble he finds me one of his shirts to wear and I pull the material over my head snuggling into the warm feel of him. He pulls me to bed after he's stripped to his boxers and we tangle together falling asleep back in our home where we can start to plan our future.

* * *

A/N thank you to everyone who has review followed or favourited this, I love getting the messages in my inbox and I promise to work on this a little more frequently since I have finished my main HP one now. I love where this is going it's so easy to write it flows so well and I hope all of you think so. So hope you enjoyed the welcome back long chapter I've given you and hopefully I'll have another long chapter for you soon.


	19. Fear and Need

Three weeks after our return I find myself sat at my mother's table listening to her latest gossip. It's become a routine for us now, our daily catch up over tea; I listen to her workings and movements in the community and try to stretch out what happens to me on a daily basis into more than just three sentences. As she chats my mind wanders back to the weeks since we got home and how things went. It was about three days after we settled back that my mother finally cornered me about the engagement and what she thought.

"Katniss, please tell me this isn't just a ruse," her quiet words catch me completely off guard and for a moment I can't reply.

"Of course not," I finally manage to push out and she nods as if she suspected that.

"I had to check," she says as her eyes drift from me to the window to our right where it's snowing again, "I couldn't bear the thought of that. You deserve so much more, your father," her voice hitches for a moment and I wonder if this is a line of thought she should be following but she pushes on, "your father made me happier than you can imagine. No one understood when I married him, more than one of my friends disowned me telling me I was marrying down I was a merchants daughter after all I could have married who ever I wanted," she looks at me then and I watch as her eyes spark for a moment in a way I haven't seen in some time, "but he made me so happy Katniss, so happy that my family didn't stop me. Just being in the room with him made my heart flutter and my stomach twist. Sometimes I get caught by the feeling even now, just thinking of him smiling at me," she smiles wistfully but then the smile is gone and I can see the pain he left her with so evident.

Frowning slightly I watch as she gathers herself together again. I'm used to watching her rebuild herself now, it isn't half as bad as it used to be, she doesn't retreat for weeks at a time anymore but it's still hard to watch her even now, it reminds me to much of the naked pain I witnessed after he had first died. But I don't say anything, knowing that my words won't help, when my father died my mother lost something that I was only just starting to understand. I knew I would be just as broken as she was if something happened to Peeta, and a part of me feels sick over that, but I push the thought aside as she takes a breath and looks at me with a small smile.

"I want you to have that Katniss, to have the world turn upside down and flutter for you whenever he walks into the room," her smile deepens as I feel the heat spread in my cheeks, "I worried at first that it was forced on you by the games, but I knew Peeta loved you even before he announced it. So many of us saw the way he watched you, it's a look I've seen before and it wasn't hard to see, but I worried that you were just going with it," taking a breath she pauses and I can tell she knows I'm a little upset by what she's saying but I don't say anything.

This is the most my mother has said to me in some time that isn't trivial, yes we can have conversations about nothing and take nothing from them, but this is real. Yes it's raw and I have a feeling it's going to knock her back but I don't want her to stop, I want my mother and her sharp mind for once.

"I see it for what it is now love, I see that you love him as much as he loves you, and it has nothing to do with convenience. Because of that I'm going to give you my blessing, I still think you're too young both of you barely seventeen well its young, but then both of you lost your childhood and you're older than I was when I was seventeen if that makes sense," she chuckles lightly then and I can't help but smile at the sound it's so rare, "so I'm going to be ok with whatever you decide to do and when you decide to do it. I love you and all I want is to see you happy."

With that blessing Peeta and I gave up all pretence, we stopped hiding and I started sleeping openly at his home. I would have dinner with my mother and Prim, spend the evening with them, and then slip from the house to join Peeta.

Often now he joins us for dinner and our evenings, Prim likes to chat and play board games with him, and then we leave hand in hand to sleep wrapped around each other. I wasn't surprised that a few days after we made our arrangement public to my family that I found a basket of 'essentials' left by my mother. She didn't say a word about the jars of tea she left me, and I didn't mention it but was glad for her knowledge and openness at least I didn't have to sneak ingredients anymore and I knew I could go to her if I needed something.

So now I was sat at her kitchen table while Peeta went to his father's bakery for one of his rare shifts. I didn't like being so far away from him, but I was fighting the urge to show him how much it hurt. When it was me leaving, when I slipped into the woods to hunt it was easier, but when I was left at home my mind unoccupied that was when I found it the hardest. Sitting with my mother helped, her chatter helped to block out some of the darkness that threatened to eat at me when Peeta wasn't there and I tried hard to listen to her.

"With the thaw coming I'm hoping to replenish my stocks, some of my dried things are getting a little thin," she says as she climbed to her feet to gather our cups since we have finished.

"Maybe I can help with that, if you give me a list when I go hunting I should be able to see what I can gather," she smiles at me over her shoulder briefly and I can't help returning it.

She's been smiling more lately even if it is slightly tainted with pain when she looks at Peeta and me together. I know that our love is healing something in her, but I won't say anything about it too worried that I could break the little ground we've made up.

It's just as she's offering me another cup that there's a bang and I frown realising that it's the front door opening.

"Katniss," Peeta's voice calls desperately from the front hall and I'm up and out of my chair like lightening.

His eyes lock onto me and he grabs me the moment I'm in arms reach pulling me until he can wrap himself around me and bury his face into my hair. Unsure of what is happening I simply let him hold me and whisper soothingly into his ear until he pulls back and looks me in the eye.

"I'm sorry I was just so worried," taking a breath he steps back a little shakily and I let him though I hold his hand tightly in both of mine, "can we sit?"

With a nod I pull him back into the kitchen where my mother is still stood her eyes clouded with worry but I can tell she was giving us a moment not wanting to intrude. She smiles at Peeta as he takes a seat and he tries to return it even as his eyes lock onto me as I slip into the seat next to him.

"Well spit it out," I say simply and he nods.

"I'm sorry I was working in my father's shop, usually I'm out back doing the decorating, but he had to step out to meet the supply train and I said I'd man the counter. I happened to be out there when a group of new peacekeepers came through," I nodded I knew that the capitol had been beefing up the peacekeeper presence in every district and it was only a matter of time before we got our lot, "well apparently we have a new head peacekeeper as well and he's already started making major changes, the first being that he turned the fence on," his eyes snap to my face and I know instantly what he means.

I feel a spike of fear spread through my body but I don't say anything, what would have happened if I went hunting today, if I hadn't noticed the hum of the electrified fence. It had been so long since it was switched on that I might not have thought twice about it. Now I know why he had been so scared, why he had run all the way to my house from the town centre. Without a thought to my mother I slip from my chair onto his lap and let him bundle me in his arms. Kissing him softly I rest my forehead against his letting him know without words that I understand his fear. My mind flashes with Gale's face for a moment until I remember that it's Wednesday, and his only day for hunting is a Sunday. I worry now what he's going to do for the extra food that keeps him and his family going, but I know we'll be able to figure something out, if he'll let me help that is.

My mother places a cup of tea at Peeta's elbow and he accepts it was a small tight smile and a nod. She drops back into her chair as he takes a sip of the hot liquid and I give him my best smirk when I see him shiver at the taste of the sugar. My mother never remembers he doesn't like sugar in his tea, but he doesn't say anything as he sips it and I let my head roll to rest on his shoulder. From my perch on his lap I start talking to my mother again, we whisper about where we can gather herbs now and I discuss maybe giving her a little greenhouse when the weather gets a little better. She's lifted by that idea and soon Peeta joins in the discussion but I can still feel the tension in his body.

By the time Prim returns from school all the fear has been chased from the house and we do our best to hide the near miss from Prim who chats happily with Peeta as my mother and I prepare dinner. I look at the food we prepare, most of it bought verses caught, and I think of the countless people that are going to struggle even more now the fence is electrified. Gale and I weren't the only ones who hunted to supplement our food, now there would be families going hungry. I wanted to do more, and I thought over that for the rest of the night.

When Peeta and I slip from my house to his I barely make it through the back door before he descends on me. His lips find mine in a feverish frenzy, his hands everywhere at once and I give myself over to it knowing he needs me. He grunts slightly as he lifts me and I know he's tired, that he he'd been unloading deliveries most of the day, but he doesn't say anything as he lifts me so that I can wrap my legs around his waist. We make it as far as the kitchen before we fall to the floor in a tangle of limbs and frenzied touches. Before I can even breathe out a word he has my pants stripped from me, along with my knickers and he's pushing his way inside me. I simply hold on my hips lifting to meet his wild thrusts and it doesn't take long for the heat to build in my stomach. Panting out his name I wrap my fingers in his hair and lock his lips to mine as his thrusts push me over the edge and I cascade around him feeling as he gives one last thrust and fills me to the brim.

He collapses against me his body heavy but the weight not unwelcome. Wrapping my legs around him I hold him to me as his breathing slows and eventually he lifts his head so that he can look me in the eyes.  
"I'm sorry love," he whispers and I laugh at that.

"Don't ever be sorry for that Peeta, you don't hear me complaining," he laughs softly at that and carefully slides from my body.

I can't hide the small wince of pain from him, it doesn't really hurt it was just more than I was expecting so quickly, and he rolls off me so that he can pull me against him. We lay together on his kitchen floor for a moment until we realise exactly where we landed.

"I guess we should move," I whisper and he chuckles lightly his body less tense than before making me feel better.

"Well the bed would be a much better place to snuggle up with you," with that he climbs to his feet and pulls me up beside him.

We leave our clothes where they fell too tired to care for the moment and head to bed. Peeta helps me strip out of the last of my clothes before he strips himself and we fall into our bed, since it really isn't his anymore, and tangle together how we always sleep now.

But for the moment sleep doesn't tug at either of us, even though our bodies are both exhausted.

Closing my eyes I relish in the feel of his fingers in my hair, "I was scared today Katniss, I really thought you would have been out there in the woods."

I don't move as I listen to his voice in the darkness, listen to the pain, "I don't know what I would have done if you were hurt, if you," he pauses there and I know his unspoken words, if I had died.

I feel the same as he does, what would I do if Peeta were suddenly not here not mine, the simple thought of him not being with me makes me ache.

Sitting up on my elbow I look at him in the semi darkness, taking in the slightly haunted look in his eyes. Pressing my palm against his cheek I turn him until his eyes are locked with mine.

"You aren't going to lose me Peeta, I'm yours now and forever," I whisper before pressing a kiss to his lips.

The kiss starts off soft and innocent but soon the same heat from before takes us and I have to pull back before we get lost in each other again. Both of us are panting as we pull apart and I can see the slightly wild glint to Peeta's eyes.

"Marry me," he whispers and I laugh a little at that.

"I already said yes," I whisper back as I press my forehead to his as his hands move to my waist holding me against him.

"No not in some fancy show for the capitol, marry me now, the two of us and no one else," he whispers and I open my eyes to lock on his.

I know exactly what he's on about a district twelve tradition where a couple preforms a small rite, a toasting, and from that moment on they would be married. It wasn't something recognised by the capitol, but it was done here often when a young couple couldn't afford the paperwork that was involved with a wedding, when they couldn't afford the licence and the registration fees. If we did this everyone here would treat us as a man and wife, if we chose to tell them anyway.

My heart skips at the thought, could we really do this, and then I think why not. Peeta saved his proposal from the public eye, why couldn't we have a marriage of our own something that would be meaningful to us and no one else. I wasn't looking forward to the big wedding, already the sketches Cinna had sent me for the dress idea's made my stomach turn they were so un me. I wanted something simple, something that reflected us, but we wouldn't get that in a capitol wedding, it would be flashy like their people. But this, a toasting would be ours something that would be all about us and not the spectacle.

"Alright Peeta, I'll marry you, as soon as we can," his smile is so pure that I know instantly that it's the right thing.

What will it change really, we already practically live together, and we can carry on with our arrangement without anyone being the wiser, except we will know we're tied together. His lips find mine again and this time when the heat rises between us I don't fight it giving myself over to him.

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A/N thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter I loved reading everything and I can't wait to see what you all think of this chapter. I know its a fast update but that's what I'm like pockets of lots of chapters and then slow times pop up so I just wanted to warn you. I managed to get a lot written all at once so I'm trying to split it a bit to spread out the updates for ya'll. Anywho cant wait to see what you all think so leave me a review or feel free to PM I will always reply xx


	20. Promises

A/N I have to say a really really big thank you to everyone who reviewed it really made my day to see all of those messages in my inbox, makes me feel like my insane ramblings are actually coming off as something good.

This chapter is short and sweet since it should stand alone and you'll understand when you read it. Can't wait to hear what everyone thinks of this so please review of message. Anyway thank you again and enjoy

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The next day I'm sat at Peeta's kitchen table sipping a quickly cooling cup of tea when Haymitch barges in. I don't even blink as he drops himself into the seat opposite me, its normal for him to barge in without knocking, more than once he's caught us in a compromised position but no matter how many times I yell he just wont learn. So as he drops into the seat in front of me I simply put my cup down and watch as he frowns at me obviously searching for words.

"Spit it out will you," I say with a sigh and his frown deepens.

"I was in the hob," we both know why he was there do he doesn't elaborate, "and I saw lover boy battering for certain items," he sounds even more annoyed than usual so I don't say anything unsure where this is heading.

"By the time he left he had two silver rings, and a hand carved wooden bowl, now what on earth could he need them for Katniss," he all but growls out.

Annoyed now I climb to my feet gathering my cup and empty plate into the sink, "I don't think it's any of your business Haymitch," I say with my back to him and aren't surprised when he slams his fists onto the table.

I had to admit I wasn't sure how Haymitch would take the news of what we had planned, and to tell the truth I hadn't planned on telling him until after it was done, until he couldn't say anything to sway us.

"God damn it Katniss, I thought you were the voice of reason," turning I lean against the kitchen counter to take in his angry face but don't say anything as he's picked up a head of steam now, "you know what Snow wants, he wants a show, wants every last moment of your lives telivsied and your damn well going to give him everything he wants."

Anger spiking through me now I fly from the room wanting to get away from him but I can feel him on my heels and I wheel around stopping him dead in his tracks.

"And why in hell should we give him everything, why cant Peeta and I have something for us. It's not like we're sneaking to the council building and doing it officially, this is just something for the two of us, no one ever has to know, if you hadn't have been at the hob then you wouldn't have known," I spit back and he bristles at that.

"You think Snow won't find out, I'm sure he has spies everywhere I'm sure someone else would have seen Peeta today, that they could put two and two together," words fail him then and he simply huffs in anger.

"I don't care Haymitch this is happening," I seeth at him and with another angry grunt he turns and bangs out of the back door.

For a moment I stand in the middle of the living room with the wild urge to throw things. I want to hunt to run and burn of the pent up rage, but that option has been stolen from me, so instead I flop down onto the sofa and scream in frustration. By the time Peeta comes back I'm so angry that I don't let him get a word out ebfore I'm attacking him, needing the feel of him and needed to work out this anger in some way. He doesn't protest, as I don't when he needs me and we fall in a tangle together.

Some time later when we finally surface I find myself lying against his naked chest a fine sheen of sweat coating the both of us. His hand is trailing lazily across my hip tracing patterns and I concentrate on figuring out what they are, a star and then a flower and I think the last one is a sun. his painter fingers find it hard to stay still and he's always painting invisible picture against my skin, and I think lazily to myself that one day I'll have to make him actually paint my skin for real.

Lifting my head I look him in the eyes and explain what had me so worked up. I can tell he's hurt by Haymitch's reaction but he doesn't say anything about it, instead he shrugs and simply says the other man can't stop us and he's right he cant this is what we want and this is what we are going to do.

That night we lock the doors keeping everyone out and Peeta builds a fire in the fireplace in the front room. We push the sofa's back to give us more room and I spread a thick woollen rug on the floor the material so soft we can sink into it. Peeta disappears for a moment and when he returns he's wearing a light blue shirt that reflects his eyes and a pair of plain white pants and nothing more. Once again I have to praise Cinna for the wardrobe he left for me and I was lucky enough to find a dress hidden in the depths that is perfect. It's a plain shift dress that reaches my knees and leaves my arms bare, its spaghetti staps leaving my shoulders free like Peeta loves. But what makes it the most perfect dress is the colour, it's the orange of sunset, Peeta's favourite colour and his eyes light up when he sees it.

Together we sit in front of the fire our knees pressed together as he produces the bowl, now holding a loaf of bread that he baked especially for us. I've already bought the wine, something that the local merchant was very interested to see since she doesn't sell wine much, but I managed to fob it off some how. The glasses we use aren't anything special just small tumblers from the kitchen but they feel special as I poor the deep red liquid into them and watch as the firelight dances across it.

"I'll start," Peeta whispers and I simply nod, of course he will.

"Katniss, I have loved you since you were five and I heard your beautiful voice. I knew from that moment like your mother that I was lost to you as she was to your father, and I will make it my mission for the rest of my life to love you and to show you it in everything I do," with that he lifts his glass to his lips and sips the sharp wine.

I watch as his eyes close for a moment at the foreign taste, but then their open again and locked onto me and its my turn.

"Peeta, I never thought I could love anyone the way I love you. I still don't feel like I'm worthy of your love but I am going to spend every moment of the rest of my life working for it and showing you how much I cant live without you."

Taking a sip of my own wine I lock eyes with him never taking my gaze from his crystal blue one.

Carefully he places his cup at his knee and reaches into his short pocket to pull the rings he found from its depths. Holding them on his palm he shows me then and I smile, they are simply silver bands, thin and unassuming but just right. I take his ring and run the metal through my fingers feeling it heat with my body heat. I look up into his eyes again to see them dancing with love and I cant help but return the look.

Taking my left hand in his he presses the ring to my finger but doenst push it on yet.

"With this ring Katniss I pledge to love you for the rest of forever," the ring slips easily onto my finger and I'm delighted to see that it's a perfect fit.

For a moment I simply stare at the small band where it sits snuggly against my skin, feeling the weight of it as I stretch my fingers. It feels wonderful and somehow completes something in me that id didn't even know was broken.

Quickly taking his left hand I press the band against his finger and repeat his words before sliding the ring into place. I so badly want to feel his hands on my skin, to feel the bite of that ring as he holds me, but I stay in place knowing we aren't quiet done yet.

Detangling our mingled hands he reaches for the bread and splits it in half handing me half. I deftly break a piece from it and pop the bread in my mouth marvelling at the slightly sweet taste of it against my tongue and watch as he does the same. We finish our bites of bread quickly and then he presses a piece of his bread against my lips. Opening them for him he pops the bread into my mouth and I can't help it as my tongue darts out and catches his fingertips he shivers at the feel of it his eyes heating but we don't say anything. I raise a piece of my own bread to his lips and he takes it into his mouth his own lips kisses my skin as he does and I feel the spark of it straight to my belly.

This time instead of sipping from our own cups we carefully hold our cups to the other's lips so that we can drink at the same time from each other's glasses. I lock my eyes with his as the wine washes over our tongues and I can't wait to taste its tanginess from his mouth. We swallow the last of the bread and wine and for a moment we simply look at each other. Then ever so slowly Peeta leans forwards and I'm there to meet him, my lip colliding against his until we kiss in a breathtaking explosion.

When I pull back he smiles at me brightly his glass suddenly gone so that he can tangle his fingers in my hair.

"I love you wife," he whispers into the silence and I feel my heart trip at that.

"I love you to husband," I reply before I capture his lips in a searing kiss.

We make love in front of the fire curled against the woollen rug, surrounded by our mingled love and the promise of things to come and I can't help feeling my body trip every time I feel his ring against my skin, every time I her him whisper wife to me. More than ever I know this I right and that I love this man that I'm tied to forever now.


	21. Dress up

A/N I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story so far it's reached 100! so yay! and to celebrate and extra long chapter for you all! This was going to be two chapters but I thought what the hell why not. So hope you all enjoy and I'm looking forward to hearing from you all.

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Peeta and I quickly fall into a rhythm over the weeks that pass, nights we spend curled together our rings on our hands, during the day we tuck them away where no one can see them. Mine is secured around my neck on a piece of leather thong, while he has his on a thick chain that slips into his shirt easily. I hate not wearing my ring but we both agree that it's for the best at the moment. Haymitch was there the morning after his frown deep but he hasn't said anything since and I'm glad for it. I'm still unsure why he was so angry with me in the first place but I won't say anything if he doesn't.

I've found myself getting worse when Peeta is around, and now I'm a constant source of amusement to my mother and sister. They think I don't hear when they whisper about the Mellark effect but I hear them, apparently it's the nickname they've come up with for whenever I go in to a daze of Peeta. It only happens when he flashes me his smile, or looks at me lovingly or I suppose is simply in the room with me, so thinking about it that's pretty much all the time but it still annoys me that they find it so funny. My mother laughs with Prim but I can see how happy she is with how things are that this is what she meant when we talked and seeing it so plainly seems to heal something in her heart.

The time flies by so easily that suddenly it's nearly time for the Quarter Quell announcement and along with that comes the fashion parade of wedding dresses the capitol wants to see. Cinna sent me the packages to try on but I just can't seem to find the energy to bother with them so when he turns up at my door step early to go over the ones I like I have to sheepishly inform him that I haven't even looked at them. He doesn't even bat an eye at that, simply pulling me into my bedroom so that he can go through the ones he likes best.

That evening we all sit at my dining room table to eat, it feels a little strange since we usually just eat in the kitchen at the little table there but really there's to many for that with the addition of Cinna and Portia. Haymitch has invited himself again and my mother is happy to see him even if Peeta and I barely say anything. After the quiet meal is finished I help my mother gather the dishes and leave the three new members of our group to chat. Shoeing my mother from the sink I set to work cleaning and storing the pots and when I'm done I return to find everyone settled happily in the front room. Peeta is talking softly with Cinna, while my mother chats with Portia about her job in the capitol. Haymitch as usual has position himself in front of the fire with a glower, though Prim is perched nearby chatting with him and I notice he doesn't ignore her, even if he does answer a little begrudgingly. No one can resist my sisters light and charm and I can't help smirking at him as I enter the room and slip down onto the sofa next to Peeta. He doesn't stop talking to Cinna but his hand darts out to rest against my knee and I wrap both of my hands over his with a soft smile.

It's nice having so many people in the house it makes it feel alive instead of sterile and not mine, even Haymitch being there doesn't put a downer on things, but soon the hour grows late and I can't help but yawn. By then I'm curled against Peeta who has his arm wrapped around my shoulders his fingers delving into my hair.

"I think we might have to call it a night," he says softly and I simply nod against his shoulder.

"Where are you two staying?" my mother asks and suddenly I realise I haven't even thought about that.

"We have rooms at a small inn in the town," Cinna replies and my mother tuts at that.

"It's too late and cold to head to town tonight. Stay here there's plenty of room, Cinna you can have the spare room and Portia should find Katniss' room comfortable enough," my mother say as she climbs to her feet ushering a dozing Prim to hers.

Cinna frowns for a moment and I can tell Portia wants to say something, both of their eyes turning to us but neither does. Instead we bid my mother and Prim a good night and stay quiet as they head upstairs.

"Your room Katniss?" Portia finally says when I hear my mother's door close.

"Well yes err," I try to talk but the words have died on my lips at their intense looks.

"Yes Katniss' room she hasn't used it in some time since she stays with me most nights," Peeta replies so easily that I wish I had his ease with words and situations.

Portia grins at that and I can see Cinna smiling softly but no one says anything. Instead I climb to my feet offer to show them where their rooms are and disappear up the stairs before they answer. I know they're right behind me and I show them everything they could need, stopping to grab some guest towels in case they feel like showers in the morning and quickly retreat.

Entering the front room I realise quickly that I must have disturbed an argument. Peeta's face is flushed and Haymitch is on his feet near the door.

"What's going on?" I ask setting Haymitch with a glare knowing for sure that he is behind it all.

"Nothing sweetheart don't get your knickers in a bunch," with a glance at Peeta Haymitch disappears through the front door leaving me alone with Peeta.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" I whisper but Peeta's eyes are still angry something that I barely ever see so it stops me as he simply shakes his head.

Eventually I know he will tell me, so I simply nod and ignore the churning in my gut.

That night I have a nightmare, it's been weeks since my last so this one catches me completely off guard. I'm stood in in the tube waiting for it to lift into the arena, its plastic walls suffocating. The tube holds me and seems to close around me but worse that it's suffocating presence is the noise coming from outside of the tube. In life it numbed everything I remember seeing Cinna's lips move as he tried to call calming words to me, but in the nightmare things are twisted. I can hear Peeta beyond the plastic, his voice calling in anguish and pain. I slam my fists against the plastic trying to get through to him, I can't see anything beyond the tube but I know not far from me he's in pain and its breaking me. Soon though his voice is joined by another, but this one simply cries its owner too young to form words. The baby cries that high pitched tone of pure distress that only a truly young baby in pain can create and my stomach twist so violently I know I'm going to be sick.

"Katniss please baby wake up, wake up it's just a dream," Peeta's voice breaks into my nightmare shattering it and I feel his hands on my body holding me.

Instantly my eyes pop open but the rolling in my stomach doesn't leave with the nightmare, in fact it intensifies. Pushing his hands back I run full pelt for the bathroom making it there just in time to spill the contents of my stomach into the toilet.

After retching up everything in my stomach along with everything I seemed to have eaten ever it feels like. Its only as the shaking subsides in my body that I realise Peeta is right next to me, his cool hands smooth over my hair pulling the sweaty locks away from my face. Turning I look at him to see the worry and fear evident in his face and try to smile to reassure him but I know the gesture doesn't really help. Instead I simply watch as he climbs to his feet again, leaning over to flush the toilet and then snagging a wash cloth from the little cupboard under the sink he rinses it in cool water before turning to wipe it across my face. Already I feel better, the sickness gone, only my stomach aches now from the retching.

Soon enough he helps me to my feet and I shoo him out of the room while I brush my teeth and try to straighten myself up a little. When I emerge from the bathroom I find him stood right in front of the door obviously listening to me as I pottered around. This time when I smile at him he returns the smile with a sigh and walks forward so he can wrap me in his arms. I return the hug instantly pulling myself in tightly against him so I can bury my face in his neck. His hands tangle into my hair and I feel his breathing steady as I hold him.

Eventually we pull apart so that he can pull me back to bed and I push him onto his back so that I can lye sprawled over his chest. Throwing one leg over both of his I pull myself in tight against him and his hand circles over my hip protectively.

"Want to talk about it," he says eventually and I simply shake my head, what's the point in discussing nightmares it never helps.

Instead I simply curl myself closer to him and let the oblivion of sleep take me under again thankfully into a dreamless land.

When I wake in the morning it's too soft knocking on the door. My eyes pop open again to find the room barely lit by the morning sunshine, it's so early that it has that slightly pink ting to it, and I lift my head from the pillow reluctantly.

"Yes," I call softly knowing Peeta is still fast asleep behind me.

In our sleep we turned and now he has his head buried against my back his face pressed against my skin and his arm thrown over my waist his hand spread wide over my stomach. His breathing is deep and even and I know its exhaustion that has him in its grasp, I know for a fact he would have stayed awake last night to make sure the nightmare didn't disturb me again.

The door cracks open then and Cinna's head appears around the frame. He smiles softly at me when he takes in the scene in front of him and I return the smile, rubbing my eyes trying to clear them of sleep.

"I'm sorry to wake you up so early. I just heard from Effie, she and the crew will be here in about two hours to start. I wanted to go over a few other bits with you before they got here."

I nod and he disappears back out of the room closing the door softly behind him. For a moment I lay there curled in Peeta's arms but then I know I have to move. Today is going to be a busy day; the crew are going to be here to take photos for the bridal fashion parade they are showing just before the Quell announcement. Personally I've tried not to think about the Quell, or what horrors Snow can come up with now. I don't like the thought of mentoring kids that are going to die, even if one survives and becomes the victor the other will die, Snow will never let another star crossed lovers scenario happen again.

Lifting Peeta's arm I roll over so that I can face him and he frowns in his sleep. Leaning forward I press my lips to his cheek and rest my forehead against his, running my hand over his bare arm.  
"Peeta love I have to get up," I whisper to him and listen as his breathing changes.

Soon his bright blue eyes meet mine, even if they are slightly hooded with sleep.

"Ok give me a minute," he mumbles his voice raspy with disuse.

"No, it's fine Cinna and I are going to be in just down stairs, I just wanted you to know so you wouldn't worry," he frowns slightly but I can see he's fighting to stay awake.

Smoothing my hand across his face I press another kiss lightly to his lips, "sleep ok I know Effie will want you around when the crew comes but you don't need to be up yet alright," pressing another kiss to his lips I trail my fingers across his temple until his eyes finally close and with a small nod he lowers his head back to the pillow and gives up the fight.

Silently I slip from the bed gathering up a robe thrown haphazardly on the floor at some point and pad into the bathroom. Closing the door behind me so I won't disturb Peeta, I turn the shower on hot and step in washing the last on the nightmare last night from my skin. I don't bother with any fragrance or doing anything special with my hair knowing the prep team will want to sort out all of that later. So I opt to simply wrap my hair in a towel and slip the robe back on.

When I leave the bathroom Peeta is sound asleep snoring softly and I pause for a moment to pull the cover back across him. He's wrapped himself around my pillow, something he always does when I'm not in the bed with him, and his face is buried against the mattress. I stop at the dresser to gather up the leather thong and slip my ring from my finger carefully securing it around my neck and with one last glance at his sleeping form I leave as silently as I can manage closing the door behind me.

I find Cinna in the kitchen and he hands me a cup of coffee. I don't tend to drink coffee but this morning I definitely need it to wake me up. He offers to make me breakfast but I decline my stomach still feeling a little sore from the night before, so I simply pull a cheese bun from the pantry and the supply that Peeta keeps for me at all times, nibbling its corner. I fold myself into one of the kitchen chairs and sit chatting with Cinna softly.

"So we should have five designs, they wanted more but I talked them down, but each has to be different," he says as he grabs the sketches of the dresses he has with him.

I nod and slip forward a little to look at the designs, I don't really care if I could I'd leave him to pick everything but I know he wants to engage me so I'll humour him. I look over his sketches, all of which are beautiful even if they aren't my taste, and pick the five that I think will suit me best. Three of them are white, while the other two have a touch of colour. One is a purple so pale it's almost white but he assures me that you only see the purple when the light hits it right. I remember the shimmer of the material he showed me and accent to that one. The other is a pale pale orange, this one I pick for Peeta knowing he'll like seeing me in it. As I run my fingers over the design I can't help smiling to myself thinking of the dress I wore for Peeta.

"What are you smiling about," Cinna says then breaking into my memories.

Looking up from the drawing I know I'm blushing but I meet his gaze, "nothing really," it's all I can muster and he laughs softly at me.

We chat like that for maybe an hour, deciding which dresses and the look that's going to go with each of them and then Cinna leaves needing to head to my house to collect together the dresses we've chosen from the stacks he sent me. The house is quiet for a while and I sip another cup of coffee, feeling the caffeine going to work on my system, since I don't usually drink it it hits like adrenaline instantly waking me up. It's not long after Cinna leaves that I hear Peeta moving around upstairs but I stay put my eyes looking over the sketches Cinna left behind. How weird it's going to feel wearing these dresses. No one in the seam dreams of a big wedding, it's just not possible, and I certainly never had. My head was to full dealing with keeping me and my family alive as I grew up. I know Prim would think of these things, but I'm not a girly girl, I live for hunting and getting down in the dirt.

Thinking of hunting makes me think of the ban and thus Gale. I've tried to talk to him in the weeks that have passed since the fence went live, but it has been next to impossible. His mother is always happy to see me, and always smile softly accepting the extra bundles of food that I bring her. With it just being me Prim and my mother we have more than enough money to get the food that we need, and it's the same for Peeta. So all of us have simply been buying extra when the supply train comes through every two weeks. I'm determined to keep Gale's family healthy even if he isn't my friend anymore. Deep down I feel like the fence is my fault, if it wasn't for the unrest in the districts then we wouldn't have needed a new head peacekeeper, one who was bent on enforcing every rule even if it meant the deaths of his district occupants.

Peeta steels me from my thoughts when he enters his hair still wet from the shower, wearing just a pair of track bottoms. With a lazy grin he pads on bare feet into the room and I watch as he potters around gathering some cereal for himself and a cup of coffee to join me. He looks at ease as he moves, and I no longer notice that his gate is slightly off thanks to his leg, if the whole country didn't know he lost his leg then no one would be able to guess.

When he slips into the chair next to me he smiles softly, "have you eaten yet?" he asks as he spoons a mouthful of food into his mouth.

"Yes," I reply not exactly lying since I had a muffin.

He raises an eyebrow at me telling me without saying anything that he doesn't believe me but he doesn't push me knowing it can descend very quickly into an argument.

"Effie will be here soon," I inform him and he simply nods as he eats and I grimace at him.

He's not the one that has to deal with being poked prodded and squeezed into outfits today. He laughs softly at my look and leans over to kiss me lightly on the lips.

"I won't venture far I promise," he smiles and I can't help but breathe out a sigh and with a small nod from me he returns to his cereal.

Not long later Effie arrives with her normal bluster and hullabaloo and I find myself being whisked upstairs by my prep team to begin the first transformation. Each of the dresses will have a different hair style and different makeup so I quickly realise I am going to spend the whole day being kept in the chair while they work on me. I sit curled in the chair as they work my hair into an intricate design and work on the makeup that's going with the first of the dresses. As he said Peeta doesn't venture away from me, he sits himself on the bed and watches me get primped silently, smiling at me every time my eyes meet his. Finally I'm ready for the first dress and Cinna shoos the prep team back so that he can help me into it himself.

When I strip off the robe, uncaring that I'm naked underneath, its Peeta's quiet gasp that alerts me to my mistake. I'd moved without even thinking stripping off my robe, a move I'd done so often for Cinna that I didn't even think, but its only as the barrier leaves my skin that I think about the thing that it had been hiding. Cinna's eyes drop to the necklace and they widen slightly before they snap back to my face and then dart behind me to the three people in the room that would instantly spread whatever they see. I know it's not their fault, that they are innocent of the world and its horrors, even if they are a victor prep team, and they would fail to see why we would need to keep a marriage quiet.

Stepping forwards quickly Cinna's fingers go to my necklace snatching it from my skin before I can think. Words begin to form on my lips in a protest but then he's turning on his heel and walking to Peeta.

"I think you should hang onto this," his words are quiet as he drops the necklace into Peeta's waiting hand and deftly Peeta slips it into his pocket.

When Cinna turns back to me he doesn't say anything but I can see the tightness in his lips.

"Let's get you into this dress," he says his voice betraying nothing of what just happened and Flavius is there instantly with the first masterpiece ready for me to wear.

The day progresses steadily from there, I spend an hour or two in my prep team's hands as they strip and redo all of their work and then I'm wearing the dress for less than half an hour while Effie gets her perfect picture. By the time the last dress rolls around I'm ready to tumble over. Thankfully Peeta and my mother have slipped me bites of food through the day and even more thankfully my stomach seems to tolerate them fine.

Once Effie is satisfied with all of the photos she dismisses the crew and finally Peeta's home is quiet again. I manage to snag a moment to myself when I slip into the bathroom for a shower, but thankfully Peeta reads the situation well and slips in behind me. We shower together, his hands deftly soaping my skin and yes we get distracted but I don't care after the day I've had I need his touch. When we emerge from our room I'm wearing a t-shirt of Peeta's that hangs to just above my knees and a pair of shorts hidden by the material. At this stage I don't care what I look like, nearly everyone left in the house has seen me naked so what do I care. Peeta has a pair of jogging pants on a wife beater top, his normal attire for lounging around the house, and I feel like I can finally breathe. My necklace is secured around my neck again, the weight of my ring against my skin comforting as we head to the kitchen where Cinna and Haymitch sit whispering together.

When we enter they fall silent and watch us, and I refuse to acknowledge the words hidden in their eyes.

"Where's Effie?" I ask simply as I drop into a seat as Peeta moves to gather some food for us.

"Gone, she's over seeing our part of the broadcast in a few days so she had to head back quickly, Portia left with her," Cinna replies and I simply nod as I take the plate Peeta is handing out to me.

For a moment the room is silent except for the sound of our mingled chewing, but soon the food is gone and I can almost feel the unspoken words between us beating at us.

Peeta beats me to it, "well spit it out already," he finally bite out in a growl that is so unlike him that my eyes snap to his face and I can see the tension in his jaw.

His eyes aren't on me though; he's looking at Cinna and Haymitch who both look a little sheepish under his stern gaze.

"We just weren't sure how to ask," Cinna finally say and I watch my friend patiently.

"The ring?" Peeta says simply and Haymitch sighs while Cinna nods, "it's exactly what you think it is," Peeta says and then he's on his feet gathering our dishes together to dump them into the sink.

The room is filled for a moment with the sound of running water and the clatter of pot against pot. When he turns back to face the table I smile weakly at him and he returns it his eyes heating with love for a moment before his gaze frosts over as his gaze slides to Cinna and Haymitch.

I can see the anger in Haymitch's face but he doesn't say anything, I know for a fact he knew what we had done, but Cinna is a different story. His face is passive as always, years of moving in the Capitol circles teaching him to school his features better than any other I had ever seen, but I can see a flare in his eyes and I hold onto the hope that he'll approve I don't think my heart could take another beat down like the one that Haymitch has given it.

"This is dangerous," he says finally his voice barely above a whisper.

"It won't have to be secret for long," Peeta says calmly as he takes his seat again and I tear my eyes from Cinna's passive face to take his in.

The anger has ebbed from his eyes again and I can see the same flicker of hope that has been sparked in my own body reflected in his blue depths.

"There's nothing for them to trace?" Cinna asks suddenly drawing my attention again.

"Nothing," I reply my voice sound a little raspy to my own ears.

With a nod Cinna looks to Haymitch who is obviously biting his tongue, I can see his jaw working the muscles in his neck tight as he fights not to say anything.

"Well just be careful ok," Cinna's words make me smile but before I can say anything Haymitch is up and out of his chair storming out of the room.

I hear the bang of the front door and know that he's left, probably to drown himself in liquor again and I feel the familiar spike of anger spread through my body.

"Don't be angry with him Katniss, he's just scared for you that's all," Cinna's soft words shock me for a moment but before I can gather my thoughts enough to say anything he's excusing himself for the night and Peeta and I find ourselves alone again.

"I think sleep is in order," he says to me finally and I simply nod as I follow him back to our room where I can finally succumb to exhaustion and ignore the jumble of emotions rolling through my mind.

* * *

A/N Hope you all enjoyed I wrote this all tonight and it is rather late here now so I'm going to bed and I hope when I get up I'll find lots of reviews sitting in my inbox for me *hint hint*


	22. Pain

Curling my legs under me I sit on what I've come to think of as my mother's couch and watch her potter around the room. Since I only ever 'visit' my house now, my home being with Peeta, I feel more like this is my mother's house even if it is mine by deed. So I sit on her couch, tucking a pillow under my neck as I watch her move back and forth. She's set out snacks on the small wooden table in front of the couch and Prim is sat on the floor in front of me her head resting lightly against my knee. She's excited to see the dresses, since she missed them all being at school during the shoot, and I can't help but smile softly at her enthusiasm. I'm glad someone is enthusiastic about it; I just want to have it all over with. Once this whole wedding thing is over with Peeta and I won't have to hide anymore and I'm looking forward to that more than anything.

Finally my mother slips onto the couch next to me and casts me a quick smile before she turns the television on and our eyes move to the screen and Caesar Flickerman once again running the show. I tune his words out as I watch his now purple hair and simply watch as pictures of myself flitter across the screen. I'm missing Peeta but I understand why he isn't next to me. He promised his brothers and father that he would watch the announcement with them, and for once he's headed back to his old home. His mother still looks continuously angry with me so thinking it best I avoided that I opted to stay with my mother and Prim, besides I was looking forward to watching Prims reaction to the dresses.

I listen to her more than anything else her oohs and aahs as she takes in the dresses and realise quickly she likes the 'sunset' dress, as it's become known, and I smile softly hoping that it's the one that gets voted for. Soon though the parade is over and I'm glad to see my own face gone even if it's to be replaced by Snow's impassive mug. I shiver as the camera locks onto his dead gaze and I can't help but feel like he's staring at me over the miles.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen of Panem. We find ourselves once again at that time of year, and this one is even more special. The 75th games of course being a Quarter Quell means that we have more surprises and intrigue for you this year," he pauses and I let my mind drift then my thoughts skipping to Peeta as Snow prattles on about unimportant things.

Soon though my mind snaps back as he gets down to it, "as most of you are aware there has been some unrest in the people," I frown at that it must be more than some for him to be mentioning on a broadcast going out live all over the country, "with that in mind the theme for the Quarter Quell comes to pass. This year the tributes will be Reaped from the strongest amongst us all, a boon to show that no one is above the law of Panem and that anyone can be called on to show penance, and who is the strongest off us all, why our Victors of course."

His words drop into the room like a bodily weight and then my mother is turning to look at me, her face pale with shock. For a moment the words don't sink in and I frown as I process them over but then Prim lets out a sob and it's like a light switch being flicked on. Our Victors, our Victors, in other words I'm going back to the arena.

My body's moving before I even realise it and I find myself outside in the cold night air, my mother's anguished cry behind me, but my feet are carrying me before I even know it. There's one place I want to be right now and it's not with my mother. I leave the Victors village in a blink my feet carrying me to town before my body can register the burning in my lungs and the need for air as I run full pelt. As I hit the town, my lungs desperately pulling air in, I see faces that I know. Somehow they have been drawn out into the open as if they simply knew I would be there running for all of my life, but I bid them no heed there's only one face I want to see.

The bakery comes into view and there's a commotion outside, a gathering of people that I can't quiet process but I don't care I simply run pushing people out of my way as I do.

"Peeta!" I cry out, his name leaving my lips in an anguished cry and then I see the tell-tale blonde of his hair even in the semi light the street lamps give off.

"Katniss!" he calls in return and my eyes lock onto his anguished face as he pushes out into the open.

He meets me in the middle of the square and we collide our bodies wrapping around each other as we collapse to the floor. Even before I feel the cold of the cobbles under me the tears are falling. His hands ball in my shirt as he pulls me in against his body and holds me tightly as I sob. How can this be happening, hadn't we done everything Snow wanted, we had given him his show. We had shown our love off to everyone, wasn't that enough for him? As I sob I feel his body shift until he's sat on the floor with me curled in his lap his hands running over my hair trying hard to sooth me, but the nightmares and the fear have me tightly in their grip and I just can't seem to shake it.

He simply holds me in the middle of the square even as people watch us, as they pity us, they know what this means. That there is only one outcome, we are going back into the arena and there is nothing that we can do to stop it. If we had been from a more victorious district, if there was more of us to choose from then it would be different but there is only three of us, and only me for the girls. I know in my heart that Peeta will volunteer no matter what, even if Haymitch is called he won't let me go into the arena alone and I want to scream at him to stay, to live, but I know it won't do any good. He'd never leave me to face those horrors alone again, so we are going back to the arena just as we started to get a taste of life at its best.

When I finally pull my face from his chest and look up at him I can see the grim determination in his eyes and know he has decided even if it means his life he's going to get me out of the games. Shaking my head I reach up and place my hand against his cheek forcing him to look at me.

"There is no Katniss without Peeta," I whisper and he frowns at me but I simply shake my head, "there is no me without you," this time the sound of my words barely leaves my lips but I know that he can hear me.

A sob escapes my throat but then it's swallowed by his lips as they descend on mine in a crushing kiss. His lips are desperate as they press against mine, pleading with me and I give myself over to it trying hard to feel his warmth through the cold but my body is starting to feel numb and I know it's not just the cold, it's the shock as well.

"Come on lad let's get her home," a new voice says and I pull back to see Peeta's father leaning over us his eyes kind if immensely sad.

Peeta looks up at him and nods simply, lifting me from his lap long enough for him to scramble up next to his father. I simply watch him unable to move suddenly as he moves and then he's bending to scoop me into his arms. He lifts me so that he can cradle me against his body and I wrap my arms around his neck holding on for dear life. A stupid thought flashes through my mind about the fact that he always seems to be carrying me at the moment, but it isn't enough to break the lethargy that has taken my body, instead I simply bury my face against his neck and hold on. I feel a hand across my hair and I know for sure it isn't Peeta since his are busy holding me to him.

"Shush now child it'll be alright, he'll protect you," Peeta's father whispers to me and it just makes me want to cry harder.

He knows as well as I do that if one of us comes out of these games Peeta will make sure it's me. This man knows that this will mean the death of his son and he is trying to sooth me, it's just all too much for me. Laying my head against his neck I let the darkness that has been beating at the corner of my eyesight take me and give into oblivion.

* * *

A/N short chapter but I didn't want to pad it out or tack this onto something else I think it needs to be by itself, I hope you like this I agonised over how to do it. I needed it to be raw and I hope I pulled it off. Thank you to everyone who left reviews while I slept, I loved getting up and finding them and it spurred me on to bring you this.


	23. rekindle

I don't so much wake up as startle into reality, my body flings me forward and I find myself panting heavily as I look wildly around the room my eyes searching for Peeta.  
"Catnip?" a voice questions to my side and I turn my wild eyes to find the owner of the voice sat next to my bed, and definitely not the person I was expecting to see.

Gale's face is concerned as he takes in my wild expression and he reaches out as if to touch me but then his hand drops limply on to the bed and he simply watches me. Pressing a hand to my chest I try to get my breathing under control, but as the events of the evening unfold in my mind the panic only rises and I quickly find myself hyperventilating.

In sheer desperation Gale clambers onto the bed and pulls me into his grasp and for a moment my body stiffens until his hands smoothing over my hair finally lull my body and I relax in his grasp my head falling to his shoulder as he calms me down. Eventually I can breathe again but I don't move, his comforting touch is keeping me anchored for the moment and I need it.

"Where's Peeta?" I finally manage to ask expecting to feel Gale retreat from me but he doesn't move.

"He's probably downstairs, he needed some time and after you collapsed I think it tore at him. I said I'd watch you while he gathered himself," I nod at this and then frown pulling back so I can look at his face.

"What are you doing here?" I ask wanting to be angry at him for everything he has put me through, instead it comes of tired and a little desperate.

With a sigh I watch as he pushes his hand through his hair a nervous gesture that I know well, "I'm sorry catnip for the way I've been acting. I know that I hurt you with it," he sighs again and I shift backwards a little so I can look at him properly.

He looks tired, dark circles under his eyes marking the fact of how much he works at the moment, his skin seems to be engraved with coal dust and I know from when my father was alive how hard it is to scrub off. I want to reach out and brush the hair from his forehead so I can see his grey eyes that match mine, instead I fold my hands in my lap and watch as he fidgets.

"Before the games, before it all, I saw a future Katniss, one with the both of us. Then the reaping happened and my world shattered, I should have volunteered for Peeta, gone into those games and saved you, but I was too scared for my family," he looks at me then and I can see the fear he talks of deep in his charcoal eyes, it's a fear we share.

"Then when you got back I was naive I thought we could go back, days hunting together, the world's worries put on hold all of it pushed aside. But there was Peeta, someone that I saw you watching even before the games, the only person I ever thought had a chance of steeling you from me, and he did. He took my Katniss, a girl I've loved for years and made her love him," his last words are whispered and I barely pick them up.

It's almost as if he's talking about someone else, someone who isn't me, but then his hand reaches out and takes mine. For a moment I simply look at his hand covering mine, the back of his hand as familiar as my own, but the when I look up at his face again I can see the pain there mixed with a strangled kind of love and I know this is dangerous.

"I know now how naïve I was Katniss, that you truly love him and I have to deal with that," I sigh thankful that he isn't going to make this too hard on me and I realise quickly I need to tell him something.

Reaching out I lay my other hand over his and he smiles softly, "he's my husband Gale, we didn't wait for the capitol," the words leave my mouth and I hold my breath waiting for his reaction.

Shock filters across his face and I think for a horrid moment that I've shattered this fragile peace that we've found. But then to my surprise he's pulling me to him again wrapping me in his strong arms, his face buried against my hair but I can still hear his whispered words.

"I'm so very sorry Katniss, so very sorry," suddenly the calm that I found is gone and I'm crying.

Gale knows now what this Games is going to do to me, he knows that it has the potential to steel my husband from me just like my father was stolen from my mother. He knows one of my biggest fears is becoming her, and if Peeta dies I know I'll be worse. I don't have daughters to anchor me, to remind me of my love, if Peeta dies it will shatter me forever.

"I've got her," his voice fills my mind and I lift my head from Gale's shoulder to see him crawling across the bed.

I sob as I take in his tired face and reach for him as he reaches for me. Gale's hands leave my body and I find myself being tucked against Peeta's strong chest. I curl my fingers into his shirt as his hands come around me to lock me against his body. His body is hot under my hands, his fingers gentle as they slid across my neck and up into my hair. Vaguely I hear Gale whispering something to Peeta, I know that he replies but I can't seem to get my mind to work enough to understand what he's saying. Soon I hear the bedroom door open and then close softly and I know we are along again.

Peeta shuffles awkwardly until he can move up the bed with me still clutched in his lap. He leans against the headboard and I curl in against his chest, my ear resting over his heartbeat. At some point I must fall asleep because I wake to the feel of his gentle hands working the clothes from my body.

"Sssh sleep love it's only me," he whispers and presses a kiss to my temple, I nod simply and fall back to sleep.

I wake to the feel of Peeta wrapped around me, his naked chest pressed to my bare back, and his thigh thrust between mine. For a moment I lay in that daze between the waking world and that of dreams, soaking in the feel of his skin against mine the warmth of it soothing the aches and pains from the day before. Reality hasn't set in completely yet, and I want to chase it back and not give it a chance to suck me into despair but I know it's waiting there on the edge for me.

Just when I can feel it starting to take a hold of me I feel Peeta move behind me, his body coming alive as he starts to wake. I wiggle against him wanting nothing more than to just feel more of his warmth and his hand slips from my hip to splay across my stomach.

"Mmm my Katniss," he whispers against the skin of my shoulder and I can't help but hum in appreciation.

As always Peeta knows exactly what to say to chase the demons from my mind, "always."

I feel as his body wakes fully, a tell-tale part of his anatomy letting me know just how awake he is as he pressing against my back. I arch against him rubbing myself along him and I can't help but smile satisfied when I hear his soft moan muffled against my skin. His hand on my stomach moves then coming up to cup my breast kneading the soft flesh drawing a gasp from my throat. I move then arching my bottom against him and he grunts as I come into contact with his member again, but this time I reach between my thighs and guide him to me. I stiffen for a moment but then he gets exactly what I want and he angles himself so that he can push himself against my entrance. The feel of him sliding against me makes me moan and shiver and then his hand is on my hip angling me just right so that he can slide into me.

For a moment we simply stay that way, he buried to the hilt inside me, as we become accustomed to the feel of it again and then he starts to rock against me his hand going back to my stomach his fingers spread wide and burning hot against my skin. I can't help but moan as he rocks against me the angle perfect for him to rube just right inside of me, but it's not enough on its own to push me over the edge. As Peeta's thrust become more desperate he seems to sense my need and his hand dips between my thighs so that he can rub that sweet spot sending electric current to my toes. By now I'm panting and can feel the light sheen of sweat across my skin, and I can tell Peeta is drawing close, his thrusts becoming less rhythmic. I arch against him more and he rewards me by pressing his fingertips against my clit. My orgasm takes me so suddenly that I scream out, but body shaking violently with the force of it. Behind me I hear Peeta grunt as he thrust into me one last time and I know my body gripping him is enough to tip him over the edge as well. His hand leaves me bundle of nerves and moves back to spread across my stomach against and I quickly realise how much I love the feel of the heat of his hand spread wide over my stomach there's something so soothing about it.

"I really needed that," he mumbles against my neck and I can't help but laugh a little.

Turning slightly, still unable to roll over completely since he's still buried inside of me, I take in his bright blue eyes that are thankfully unhaunted this morning.

"I love you," I whisper and his smile softens from playful to loving.

"I love you always," he replies and leans over enough so that he can press a kiss to my lips.

We lay tangled together for a while simply holding each other not saying a word, until I feel Peeta's body swell again and the need of him takes me once more. We make love softly again, he only slides form my body long enough to flip me onto my back so that he can look me in the eyes. I love starring into their blue depths as I watch him fracture and soon we are nothing but a sweaty tangled mess.

His hand smooths over my hair as my breathing finally slows, "rest for the moment love, the world can wait for a few more hours. We can decide what our next move is then," he whispers against my neck and I simply nod too tired to fight his suggestion.


	24. Morning after plans

Waking with Peeta wrapped around me keeps the panic from the day before from rising, and the soft ache left in my body from his loving also keeps me sated but I know this isn't going to last long. I can feel that he's awake behind me, the tension in his hands as the rest against my skin tells me all I need to know about the way he's feeling but I just can't seem to bring myself to say anything. I know the moment he realises I'm awake since he starts to nuzzle at my neck, his hot breath across my cool skin sending shivers down my spine.

"How does some food sound," he whispers his lips brushing against the sensitive skin of my shoulder.

Food doesn't exactly sound wonderful at the moment since my stomach is in knots but I nod anyway knowing that it'll make him happy. He slowly slides his hands from my skin and as he does I can feel the panic rising in my throat. As if he can sense this he trails his fingers across my ribs and then presses a kiss against my shoulder.

"Up you get then we can cuddle on the couch," he whispers to me and I nod.

He climbs from the bed first but I'm hot on his heels knowing that he is the only barrier between me and another relapse. As I gather my clothing I realise how stupid I'm acting, wasn't I the first one to call my mother on her actions after my father died. Didn't I despise how she crumbled and yet here I was letting myself fall apart. Instantly I stand a little straighter and pull back from Peeta a little even as it makes me ache, I fight off the feeling setting my jaw as Peeta watches me. I can feel him frowning at me but I don't look at him knowing that if I do it could shatter the façade that I'm working so hard to build.

When we're dressed we head down stairs and I bypass the kitchen all together heading into the front room. I can hear people gathered in the kitchen and know that at least my mother and Haymitch are in there. After my episode the night before I'm not surprised but I don't have it in my yet to face them so I simply curl my legs under me and tuck myself into the cushions. Peeta was behind me as we descended the stairs but now I know he's not there now he would have joined me by now, instead he's headed to the kitchen probably to get me some food. Ignoring the pit in my stomach I stare blankly at the wall until he appears.

He barely glances at me as he sets a plate in front of my on the little coffee table but I can't help but watch him. He doesn't come and sit on the couch with me like I expect instead he settles into the small arm chair to my left. I frown at him as he settles in and takes a small iced bun from the plate he brought in.

He doesn't even look at me as he breaks a piece off, "don't look at me like that Katniss, you're the one building walls," popping the piece he broke off into his mouth he glances at me and I can see his anger plainly.

Sighing I reach out and place my hand on his knee squeezing it softly, "I wasn't building walls Peeta, I just hate falling apart," I can't help but whisper not wanting my words to be heard by the other occupants of the house.

Shaking his head I watch as the anger slowly filters from his eyes and he simply sighs, "Katniss when are you going to get it, I'm here to help you pick up the pieces when you fall, just the same as your there for me," he rises from the chair to drop onto the sofa next to me and I can instantly feel the warmth of him sinking into my body.

I can't help but lean my head against his shoulder as he breaks the bun in half and hands me the larger part.

"Come here wife of mine," he whispers softly wrapping his arm around my shoulder and tugging me until finally I mould myself along his body.

We sit curled together eating for a while until I think the pressure gets too much for my mother and she appears in the doorway. She's frowning as she takes in the two of us so calmly curled together on the couch and I know she's worried about me, but I just can't bring myself to talk about what happened yet everything feels to raw. Every time I even let my mind wander to the announcement I can feel my heart beat pick up, my chest growing tight and I just know if I talk about it I'm going to crumble. So instead my mother simply watches me as we eat even though I know she wants to question me, but then I never pestered her when she broke so I have a feeling she's thinking the same things that I did. When I'm ready I'll say something, just as I would leave her alone for weeks at a time until she was ready.

Eventually Haymitch circles around her and plonks down into the arm chair that Peeta vacated and I'm surprised to see how sharp his eyes are as if he hasn't drunk anything at all yet. Definitely unHaymitch behaviour that can't be good, this man sees way to much as it is but without drink to cloud his mind it's even worse.

"We need to talk about yesterday," he finally says and I shiver at the sound of his voice.

"Haymitch," Peeta's warning growl makes me look up at him and I can tell that something is passing between the two men.

"No Peeta we don't have time for that, we need to discuss it properly," Peeta's arm around me tightens at Haymitch's words and suddenly I've lost my appetite completely.

Dropping the half eaten bun back onto my plate I slide closer to Peeta curling my hand into his top. Either Haymitch doesn't notice my discomfort or he doesn't care as he presses on.

"This wasn't anything we were ever expecting, but we have to prepare now. No matter what the two of you are going back into the games," I blink at the way he says that and he scowls, "I'm not stupid enough to think Peeta would let me go with you sweetheart, the stupid boys got it into his head that no one can protect you but him," Peeta grunts at that but doesn't say anything, "so we need a plan of attack we have just under three months before the games, so are we just going to roll over and let them kill one or both of you."

Peeta's arm around me is like a steel band now and I know for a fact that he wouldn't let me go even if I wanted him to. Haymitch's words cut straight to the quick and I can feel the tension radiating through Peeta. I haven't seen my lovely boy with the bread truly angry much but I know for a fact that he's close to tipping over that edge into fury.

"Of course we aren't going to roll over Haymitch, all I asked of you was one day," I think if he was yelling then I would have felt better, raised voices I can deal with but his quiet fury is truly scary, "I wanted one day to help Katniss build back up, to help myself but you just couldn't let it lye could you. Once day Haymitch," the tension in his body snaps then and then he's on his feet, "ONE DAY!"

Peeta turns then and is out of the door before I really realise what happens. Sighing my mother slips into the room and drops onto the couch next to me.

"I'm sorry Katniss this is my fault, Haymitch is just pushing because I'm so worried," her voice wavers and I can hear the unshed tears threatening to spring forwards.

As I turn to glare at Haymitch I take my mother's hand and squeeze it tightly.

"Haymitch can I have a word," shaking my head at the door he simply nods and climbs to his feet.

I squeeze my mother's hand again before asking her to find Peeta, I know my mother's quiet words will calm him down he's probably already feeling like an idiot for his explosion but I know at the moment I'll just be fuel for the fire. So I send her for him as I stalk Haymitch into the kitchen.

He's stood with his back to me starring out of the window when I enter but I can see the tension in his shoulders.

"What the hell was that all about," I snap my words bitten off.

He doesn't turn to look at me as he answers but I don't need to see his face to see how he's feeling, "do you know what Peeta did the moment he brought you back last night Katniss. He came and found me and begged for me to make sure that I got you out of the games, said I owed him since I'd chosen you before anyway. Something about a debt, and he's right I do owe him, I did choose you," he turns then and looks at me with hard eyes, "so yeah the kid's right I do owe him and I will do what he wants."

Panic rises in my throat, doesn't he see he backed me once now it's Peeta's turn. I rush forwards around the table and stand in front of him, part of me wants to reach out and take his hand but I know how much Haymitch despises being touched.

"No Haymitch no, it's him we have to save him. Don't you see I'm not a person without him, I'm just broken? But Peeta he's so soft and loving, if he loses me he will find someone eventually. He has too much love to give he just won't be able to help it."

Anger flares in his eyes then and I have to bite back the next things I was going to say.

"How about your mother Katniss did she get over losing your father. Did your mother bounce back from losing her husband and move one because Peeta is just like her. She lost her husband and it shattered her, what will Peeta be like when he loses his wife," behind me I hear a gasp and then the shatter of plates hitting the floor and I don't have to turn to know that my mother has returned.

Closing my eyes I take a moment to steady my nerves before turning to look at her. Her hands are pressed to her lips and her blue eyes are so wide it's almost comical.

"Is this true Katniss," she whispers between her fingers and all I can do is swallow and nod, "oh Katniss baby," the next second her arms are around me pulling me in tightly against her.

This isn't the reaction I was expecting and it takes me a moment to recover myself enough to wrap my arms around her as well. I hold her awkwardly for a moment while she clings to me and cries. When she finally pulls back I manage to detangle myself and step away awkwardly.

Watching my mother as she dabs at her eyes I simply wait for her knowing that the crying isn't going to be just it.

"I'm so sorry my love," her voice is thick with tears but I can understand her and her words make me shiver, "that is the one thing I never wanted for you, to lose a spouse. I don't know why I thought it would be easier if he was just your boyfriend or even fiancé, but it's just something about saying you've lost your husband," her chest hitches and then she's crying again and before I can say anything she escaped out of the house.

Stand staring at the vacated doorway until I turn to look at Haymitch anger radiating through to my very core.

"Now sweetheart I didn't mean that to happen, I had no idea she was there. But you know I have a point," his voice has softened but my anger still rides me so it's hard to feel anything but annoyed by his words.

"What do you want from me Haymitch, if you get me out and he dies in there I die with him. Yes my body will be here, yes you can see and touch me, but I won't be here it's that simple. If he dies I will be gone, so why not save him. Why not save the better of us, because if it comes down to it I would rather kill myself then let him die in there."

By the time the last of my words slip from my mouth I'm barely whispering, my eyes on the floor unable to look at Haymitch's face anymore, but I know that he heard me. He shuffles in front of me and then I feel his hands on my shoulders but I still can't look at him.

"We'll figure something out," he whispers and I look at him then seeing how tired of all of this he is.

"Promise me Haymitch, you save him," I lock my eyes to him pleading with him without words and finally he sighs and gives me a small nod.

I know that's the best I'm going to get so I nod and step away from him. I need to find Peeta since my mother seems to have come back without him. Leaving Haymitch in Peeta's kitchen I head out of the front door and thankfully don't have to go far since he's sat on the front porch. His lips are set in a grim line as he stares out at the trees that surround our home. Unable to think of anything to say to him I simply drop onto to seat next to him and reach for his hand, his fingers entwine with mine instantly and we simply hold onto each other.

* * *

Peeta gets his day, Haymitch leaves us alone, and we have a day of normalcy. Haymitch's promise settles something in my stomach and I'm able to think passed the consuming fear. It seems I wasn't the only one that found some calm because the next day when he woke up Peeta had a hard edge to him; he went and fetched Haymitch dragging him up earlier than normal and fed all three of us. After we had eaten Peeta laid out his plan, that he wanted us to train like we were carriers, he even wanted Haymitch to train with us. His excuse for this was that Snow had already thrown curve balls at us, and he didn't put it passed him to throw another meaning that Haymitch would end up in the arena with me. Begrudgingly Haymitch agreed to this though he wouldn't cut out the liquor completely, I agreed with this I didn't want to have to deal with him going through withdrawals and a sober Haymitch was never a good thing. So he wouldn't get blind stinking drunk, but we would let him regulate that as long as it didn't interfere at all.

So we started right then and there, Peeta came up with a strict routine to build our bodies and work on our strength. This was the hardest for Haymitch since his body had gone through so many years of neglect but eventually after the second week he started to show signs of improvement.

The whole time my mother tended to us all, giving us remedies for aching muscles and the minor injuries we developed in the course of the training. I could feel myself growing stronger and stronger, my natural strength from hunting being boosted tenfold. But it was exhausting work, my nightmares didn't go away and even having Peeta with me didn't help. More than once I would wake and have to make a mad dash to the bathroom before I spilled my stomach, and Peeta was there every time holding back my hair.

Our routine was how I need find myself sat in my mother's kitchen as she brews up a remedy for my swollen knee. As usual I pushed myself to hard and managed to twist my kneecap causing it to swell up, Peeta of course is furious with me his constant countdown letting me know that I only had two weeks to recover before the reaping. He only managed to calm down thanks to my mother's quiet promises and assurances that I will be fine by then.

So Peeta's still outside with Haymitch while I sit silently with my mother a cold cloth thrown over my knee to help with the small swelling. I haven't really talked to my mother since the whole kitchen incident, neither of us knowing how to brooch the subject. I know she knows Peeta is my husband, but neither of us knows what to say to the other about it. So Peeta and I don't flaunt our marriage, keeping our rings to ourselves, but it is still leaving a tension to anytime between my mother and me.

"Here we go Katniss this will help," she appears at my elbow then and hands me a cup of tea.

Thankfully she's sweetened it with some lemon so it doesn't taste as foul as some of concoctions and I manage to down it in one. She stands awkwardly over me for a while before heading back to her little work room leaving me alone in the kitchen. I'm only alone for a few minutes before Peeta arrives again to check on me.

He's stripped to the waist when he enters his chest slick with sweat and I can't help but feel my mouth grows dry at the sight of him. He chuckles slightly as he sees the desire spike in my eyes and crosses to drop a kiss on my forehead before he drops into the seat across from me. He eyes my knee for a moment before turning his eyes back to me and I can see they're weary.

"I'm fine, honestly, it'll be all better by tomorrow."

All he does is nod and I know he's just worried about me so I let it slide ignoring my growing irk at him. He's been a slave master and I've gone with it because it keeps his worries from getting the better of him, but it's starting to get on my nerves. So biting the inside of my cheek I ignore the urge to snap at him as he watches me with guarded eyes, instead I look at everything but him.

Just as I can feel the tension growing to spike the silence in the room is split by the sound of the telephone ringing. The sound is so unusual that it startles me for a moment and then Peeta is striding across to the wall mounted receiver next to the back door.

"Everdeen residence," he says into the mouthpiece his voice managing to sound almost bored even though none of us ever used the damn thing.

I watch as he smiles for a moment, "oh hello yes I'm here with Katniss at the moment," his voice trails off and I watch the smile slip from his face.

He doesn't say anything for a few moments listening intently to whoever is calling and I watch as the colour drains from his face, "ok thank you I will."

He hangs up then, his back to me but I can see the tension in his shoulders, he's visibly shaking with it. Struggling to my feet I head over to him, ignoring the ache in my knee, and lay a hand to his shoulder. He stills at my touch and for a moment I think he's going to pull away, but then excruciatingly slowly he turns around and looks at me. His eyes are so deep with pain that my breath catches in my throat.

"That was Effie, they've pushed up the Reaping by two weeks, they want us in the Capitol for a month instead of two weeks," his voice is raspy and I can tell he's holding back tears.

I don't manage to be as staunch as he is under the news; instead I fling myself at him wrapping my arms around his torso and bury my face in the crook of his neck. For a moment he doesn't move and then ii feel his arms come up and around me wrapping me in a crushing embrace.

When my mother finds us she bursts into tears at the news we share with us and flings herself at the both of us murmuring over and over again how she can't lose her babies and it takes me a moment to realise she's on about Peeta as well. It's only his soft murmurs that calm her down and eventually get her to let us go. Prim wraps herself around our mother to comfort her but doesn't say anything even as I can see the tears shinning in her eyes. I want to say something to her, to take the pain from her eyes but there are no words, no actions that could possible do that. So we spend a sombre night together, Haymitch with us through it all and try not to think about the reality that is rushing towards us.

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A/N hope you enjoyed this chapter and that it made sense I had to rewrite a couple of times cause I got lost. Sorry it took so long to write, I've had the worst week on record at work, extremely long days with barely any gratification at the end of them. I now have a day and half off before I have to drag my arse back in there so I'm hoping to get some work done even if it doesnt go up so that I can bring you more chapters soon. Let me know what you think of how this is progressing


	25. Realisations

A/N Hope you all are enjoying this so far, I've definitely been enjoying writing it. Random thought for you all I'm a music writer, have to have music playing to even be able to pick up my laptop and I found a song I think is a perfect Katniss Peeta song. It's Pink ft Fun, Just give me a reason. Random thought i know but i wanted to share lol, anyway hope you enjoy my little story and this chapter x

* * *

Time seems to rush away from us and before we realise what is happening it's the day of the Reaping. Cinna offers to come and help get me ready but I ask him to stay away, I'll have a month to spend with him before we finally enter the arena, I want this time with my family. Prim is up early, earlier than I can usual drag her out of bed, and we sit together at my mother's kitchen table. Peeta is there hovering around us but none of us say anything unable to deal with the reality of what's going to happen.

"Will you fight Katniss," Peeta stops at Prims whispered words but his back us to us so I can't read what his face would tell me.

I turn my eyes to hers, her bright blue eyes much to like Peeta's in this moment. I want to tell her the truth, that I won't be coming home from these games, but the words die on my lips. How can a lump that onto her, instead I nod and she smiles softly not pressing me for words. I turn back to Peeta and I see his shoulders heave in a sigh, but he too doesn't say anything. Breakfast is dreadful.

I'm more than happy to escape with my mother and her quiet offer to do my hair for me. Slipping upstairs to my old room she seats me in front of the vanity and sets to work putting my hair into the intricate weave she did for the first Reaping. It's like a horrible case of de ja vu watching her work and when she's finished I look at the finished article in the mirror.

"Thank you mum," I manage to whisper and she simply nods at me but I can see the tears glistening in her eyes.

Even though I talked Cinna out of coming to help me get dressed he did send me something to wear. The soft golden orange material clings to my body as I slip it on with the help of my mother. She deftly does the little buttons up the back hugging the dress snuggly to my curves. With a small frown I smooth the material over my stomach feeling how tight the material now feels compared to the fittings a few months ago. I think back on all the food I've had at my fingertips and think maybe I just had a little more than I realised. It doesn't spoil the effect though, the material hugs at my torso framing and flattering what curves I have and then the skirt billows around my legs coming to a soft stop just above my knees. My mother convinces me to wear low white kitten heals to go with it and once I slip them on I'm ready to go.

Moving from the bedroom I clutch at my ring tucked under my dress wanting desperately to slip it onto my finger. But we have to keep things to ourselves, even if it is only for a little longer. Peeta has talked about strategy, about when to reveal the marriage, since the Capitol won't get it's pretty white wedding now, this is a chip that could garner us some sympathy and backing during the games. So I clutch at it instead and head downstairs to find Prim alone.

"Peeta wanted to see his family," she says softly and all I can do is nod.

I sit with my mother and Prim for a while talking softly about things I want them to do while I'm gone, we shy completely away from the fact that I very likely won't be coming home. Soon it's time to go and I hold both of their hands as we head towards the square.

As with every Reaping everyone is there, but the area for us is so small, since theirs only three people in the pool to be reaped this year. My eyes lock onto Peeta the second we enter the square and I turn to kiss my mother and Prim on the cheek, we'll have time to say our good byes after the Reaping and right now I need all the strength I can gather. Prim squeezes my hand one last time before I slip past the registration table, why they even bothered to set it up is beyond me, it's not like we could hide from them.

Taking my place I lock eyes with Peeta and we simply stare at each other. He's wearing a pair of black slacks and a white crisp shirt, plan but striking. I itch to hold his hand but I have to stay in my lonely roped off area. Effie appears before the tension in my stomach gets any worse and does her usual speech, which I tune out completely. Instead I look at the faces around us, and see the tension that's churning my stomach reflected in all of their eyes. They didn't like this anymore than we did, they didn't like their Victors people who they had backed going through this again.

It's almost laughable the way Effie has to grasp for my name in the bowl. As she reads my name I simply square my shoulders and climb the steps taking my place at her side. When she calls Haymitch's name Peeta doesn't even wait a heartbeat to volunteer. Even though I knew it was coming my stomach still flips at the sight of him climbing the steps towards me. His fingers are soft and warm as they slip into mine, gripping my fingers tightly he turns to look out at the crowd as we stoically wait through the last of the speeches.

As soon as we enter the building we get whisked out of the back and it quickly becomes apparent that things aren't going as they usually do. There will be no meeting with our family as before; we are moved so quickly that we're on the train before I can even catch my breath. As the door close behind us and the train starts to pull away from the station Peeta wraps his arms around my waist his palms resting against my stomach and pulls me in against his body, the heat of his chest pressing against my back makes me shiver.

"Don't worry love we'll write to them, we may even be able to snag a phone call since we'll be there for a month."

I simply nod not really sure I want that, maybe this way it can be a clean break between me and my family. But I can't think about that, I have to think about what this time in the capitol is going to bring.

"You hungry?" his voice tickles across my neck as he whispers to me and I simply nod my response, "come on then let's head over to the dining cart I'm sure they'll have something there like always."

His hands slip from my body slowly, but then he takes my hand in his and the warmth of his touch spreads through my body.

* * *

The train seems to move so much quicker this time even though it takes the exact same amount of time to get to the capitol. Things are even more subdued on this ride, and when we reach the capitol I stand with Peeta at my side to wave through the window. We have to play our roles now, even if Snow has gone back on our deal, we don't want to anger him anymore. So we stand together hand in hand and wave to cameras and crowds. As we walk through the crowd I can see more than one person crying, and not all of them women, as they watch us pass. They are just as unhappy as we are with the situation and I wonder if Snow has seen the descent that he himself is sowing in his people by doing this.

But all of those thoughts are pushed aside as we reach Tribute Tower and climb into the elevator that takes us to our floor. When we enter our floor I'm instantly wrapped in Cinna's arms and I cling to him, feeling a sob hitch in my throat.

"It's alright love, it's going to be alright," I want to believe him I really do but I don't see how it can be.

When I pull back I see Peeta has wrapped Portia into a hug but I can hear her crying softly. We don't say anything as I slip my arm into Cinna's and he leads me into the sitting room. Peeta keeps his arm around Portia's shoulder as we move and I have to fight back the rising sickness in my stomach. It doesn't feel right being here, we were supposed to return as Victors with new Tributes. Yes that would have been a horrible thing to go through, but at least it wouldn't be the love of my life's death I would be facing. I want to scream at the injustice of it, but instead I sit down on the couch quietly, resting my head against Cinna's shoulder as he sits next to me.

Peeta perches on the arm of the couch next to me and everyone begins to talk softly as Effie flicks the television on so that we can see the footage that's being played. She tells us the rundown of hoe events are going to go. The chariot ride will be tomorrow instead of tonight, giving us a full day in the capitol before we have to face snow. Then there is to be a banquet at his own home which all of us have to attend. The next two days will be ours; though we will be expected to be seen in the city mixing with the capitolites. After that will be the first interview with Caesar and it will be different from normal. We will be interviewed in districts allowing Peeta and I to do it together, I think they have done this one purpose just so that we will be paraded together as usual. After that things haven't been set in stone but Effie promises us that she'll let us know the second that it does. The whole thing is too much for my mind to handle, so instead I excuse myself and head to bed.

Peeta looks at me as I leave and I shake my head letting him know that I don't need him to come with me. I know for a fact that he wants to strategies with Haymitch, that he won't sleep like me all he'll do is worry. So I strip my clothes off when I hit our bedroom, the room that had been Peeta's alone last time, and slip under the sheets wrapping myself around one of the pillows. Exhaustion takes me under into a fitful sleep full of nightmares and terrors I was only just starting to understand.

* * *

At some point I feel Peeta slip into the room and join me on the bed, though I only half wake as he joins me. His skin is cool against my heated one as he pulls me against him and I shiver for a moment before he smooths his hands over my hair sending me back under again. This time when sleep takes me under it plunges me straight into a familiar nightmare. I'm back in the tube and I can hear Peeta screaming my name beyond the glass but this time I can see him. He's knelt on the ground not far from me, one hand on the floor holding himself up, but the other is wrapped protectively around a bundle of blankets. My heart beat skips at the sight of that and I bang my palms against the glass trying hard to get to him. From nowhere a peacekeeper appears and hits him in the side of the head with the butt of his gun. Screaming out my voice simply reverberates back at me as I watch him fall to his side still protecting the bundle in his arms.

Right then the dream shifts slightly and suddenly Snow is stood next to Peeta's prone form. He sneers at me where I'm trapped in my glass cage and bends to pull the little bundle from Peeta's grasp. Unconscious Peeta puts up no resistance as Snow snatches up the little thing and I watch in horror as he approaches me and shows me what he has stolen. The tiny baby has bright blue eyes just like Peeta's but his hair is a shock of deep brown, definitely my hair. He's terrified I can tell by his bright eyes, and then he begins to whimper. Snow sneers at the child who now starts to cry in earnest and I know that if he doesn't calm down Snow is going to hurt him.

"Did you really think I'd let you have this Katniss, how naive you are, how young," with that he holds the baby out at arm's reach.

He's so close I can see his fear, his little body wriggling in the grasp of the horrid man. I scream at Snow begging him not to hurt my son, but it's too late. He holds him up like an offering and the with a smile lets him go, I watch in horror as the blanket loosens and the baby falls his scream of terror reverberating in my mind.

Thankfully my mind tosses me from the nightmare before I have to watch my baby hit the cold concrete floor. Gasping for breath I stumble from the bed and just about make it to the bathroom before I spill my stomach.

"Katniss what," Peeta calls as I drag him from his own sleep but I can't reply to busy retching up everything I have ever eaten.

I hear as he stumbles from the bed and joins me in the bathroom, and soon his cool hands rest against my heated skin, holding my while the retching shakes my whole body. Finally the sickness abates but leaves me a shaking mess on the floor. Peeta dampens a wash cloth and lays it against my head and I simply lye on the floor feeling the coolness of the tile floor seep into my skin. I can hear him whispering soothing words to me, but I don't take it in. instead my mind is reeling with terrifying nightmares. I think back to the first nightmare I had involving a child, that it was nearly three months ago, and I realise quickly that there was more to it then I had realised then. Was my body trying to tell me something that I just couldn't process?

As I think my hand smooths down my body until its resting between my hip bones, on the small bump there that I had put down to over eating. How could I possibly be so stupid, the sickness the weight gain how had I not put two and two together. But then I think about the tea, about the cup that was even now sitting cold on my dresser. I was religious with the tea and hadn't I had periods the whole time. But then my periods had never really ever been regular thanks to poor diet but I had been having them, even if they had only lasted a day or two at the most. Damn how could I have been this stupid?

A sob slips from my lips and Peeta crawls down onto the floor next to me, "what is it love, please talk to me," his soft words simply make me sob harder.

I can't find the words to tell him, how could I have possibly been this stupid. This is going to break Peeta, and I don't want to be the one to shatter him. A thought flashes through my mind, maybe I don't have to tell him, maybe he won't have to live with the knowledge like I will, but then I look at his worried blue eyes and know that I can't keep it from him.

"Peeta I think I might be pregnant," my voice sounds raw to my ears and his eyes widen in shock as he processes the words.

"But wait no, we… we were so," his voice dies and I watch as he collapses back from me slumping against the wall.

All I can do is lye there on the cold tile, my hand pressing against my stomach as I feel the hardness under my fingertips. I want to say something comforting to him but I can't find the words in me.

I'm not surprised when Peeta climbs to his feet, glances at me with blank eyes once and then leaves. Of course he wants to leave, how could I do this to him, how could I put this on him. So I lay there and press my fingertips against my stomach testing the difference in my body, already convinced of the reality of what I have discovered. I lie there on the floor for what seems an eternity before the door to the bathroom opens again and Peeta is there. He looks at me for a moment before he frowns and bends to scoop me into his arms. I bury my face into his shoulder unsure of this change; I expected anger and hatred, but not this tenderness.

He carries me to the bed and places me softly against the pillows, pulling the blanket back so that he can then pull it over my bare legs. It's only as he moves aside that I realise we aren't alone in the room, that Portia is watching us with sad eyes. When Peeta sits down next to me she moves forwards smiling softly before she drops to kneel at the side of my bed.

"Peeta told me what you think is happening, do you mind if I," she gestures softly with her hand and I nod turning to my head to look at the wall.

I feel her cool fingers as they lift back the blankets slightly, and then as she pushes back my top. I listen for any indication, a gasp of surprise or anything that would give me some indication of what she sees but she doesn't say anything. Instead her delicate fingers probe softly against my abdomen, so lightly I'm sure she can't feel anything but then her fingers are gone and I turn in time to see her rise to her feet.

"Peeta can I have a word," she says her voice strained and I know then that she has felt exactly what I felt, the tiny bump between my hip bones that can be none other than the beginning of a new life.

They whisper together for a moment and I turn my head away from them unwilling to deal with the reality that it starting to take shape around me. When I feel the bed dip as Peeta climbs in to join me I keep my face turned away from his even as his hand snakes out slowly to caress over my stomach. I want to say something to him knowing the pain that he has to be in right now, but instead I bury my face against my pillow and let exhaustion pull me back under.

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A/N sooooo what do you think? My little hints have been leading here and I know a few of you guessed where it was headed but I hope I kept it is she isnt she right up till the last. Still hasnt been technically confirmed but that's coming up. Let me know what you all think x


	26. Tests

A/N thank you everyone who reviewed the last chapter it really made me smile and thus made me want to write so here's a chapter to reward you all hope you enjoy

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I've been awake for a few moments, the sun warm on my back as it filters through the window, but I don't want to move. I'm alone in our bed as I knew I would be, I knew I would scare Peeta away but it still leaves me with a dull ache in the pit of my stomach. I can feel my stomach rumbling the need for food pressing at me, but I push it down. I've had years of practice when it comes to supressing my appetite so I just ignore the gnawing feeling and press my face tighter into Peeta's pillow. Even though he didn't spend a lot of time against it it still holds vestiges of his scent and it's the only thing that keeps me calm.

Eventually I hear the door open and someone slip into the room, but I know it's not Peeta I could track his natural walk anywhere.

I feel the bed dip as someone sits at my back and then their hand smooths over my bare shoulder, "Katniss love I know you're awake."

Cinna's voice is calm and smooth as usual giving nothing away. I don't know if he knows what happened last night so with a sigh I roll over and look at him. Instantly his eyes tell me he knows and I close my eyes tightly still unwilling to face what's going on.

"Peeta sent me to see if your awake, he's been taking with Effie most of the morning but he didn't want to disturb you," excuses I know, Cinna will always protect me and I know it's just excuses for Peeta's absence that is leaving his lips.

"We managed to get a friend into the suit and she wants to see you," I open my eyes at his soft words and take in his face.

He's pleading with me with unspoken words and I simply nod my allowance. He nods in return and quickly climbs to his feet disappearing out of the door. I watch the empty doorway for a while wondering if he's going to come back, but it's not his figure that fills the door when I blink, it's Peeta. I simply stare at him as he walks forward slowly his eyes on my face.

"How are you feeling," his voice sounds tired but I can't seem to form words to reply so I simply shrug.

He makes it most of the way across the room but stops short of the bed and I feel the ache in my stomach spread to my chest as my heart squeezes, he doesn't want to touch me. Before I can let my worries spill from my mouth another person breezes into the room pulling my attention.

I frown realising its someone I have never laid eyes on before but she smiles warmly at me as she steps into the room.

"Good morning Katniss, my name is Patience. Cinna and Portia are friends of mine, they asked that I came to see you," she smiles again as she walks forwards and I simply watch her knowing that my eyes are blank as I watch her.

She sinks down onto the bed next to me and I move ever so slightly away from her, but she doesn't say anything about my retreat. For a moment we simply look at each other and I take her in. She has long wavy brown hair that reaches her waist, but it swept away from her face with in intricately weaved headband. Her honey coloured eyes sparkle at me as she smiles and it's a smile I would have normally returned, but even her inner light can pull a smile from my lips today.

"I'm a stylist like your wonderful friends but I'm not from the capitol. Before I was moved here I was a midwife as well. That was actually what I always wanted to do, before my clothing got the attention of some important people here, but I digress," she laughs softly then and I have to fight the smile that threatens to pull at my lips.

She radiates light and warmth, so much like my Prim, and it makes you want to instantly like her, to trust her. But I've been burned by the capitol to many times to actually listen anymore, so instead I simply lie there and watch as she reaches out and pulls a strand of hair from my face that had escaped my haphazard braid.

"Peeta informs me you think you're pregnant," her voice is soft and full of concern but the mention of Peeta's name has my eyes flicking back to him where he's now leaning against our chest of draws his arms folded over his chest.

He's not looking at either of us his jaw set as he stares at the wall opposite him and I can see the tension in his neck. I want to reach out to him and smooth my hands over his body, to take the pain away, but there's a barrier between us that I know I can't cross. So instead I turn my eyes back to Patience and nod confirming her suspicions.

"All right then," she smiles again and turns to produce a small bag I hadn't seen before.

Her fingers delve inside of the bag and come out with a small black kit. I watch as she unzips it and pulls out what looks a lot like a pen, but I vaguely know that it's not.

"This tester will take a small amount of your blood, barely a drop, and we'll have our answer in moments," she reaches out and takes my limp hand where it still rests against Peeta's pillow.

I can't help the hiss that escapes my lips as the tiny needle stabs against my finger. It doesn't really hurt that bad but the shock of it rockets into my numb body. I see Peeta shift out of the corner of my eye and I wonder if he's watching me. But I can't look at him, instead I keep my eyes on Patience as she clicks something on the pen thing and it lights up.

"It'll just take a second," she says with a soft smile as she lowers my hand back to the bed.

I find my fingers tangling against the pillow of their own accord as I watch the tester in her hand, and when it's glow turns from pure white to a soft blue I know what it's going to say before she says anything.

"It's positive," she whispers out and I can't help the sob that slips from my lips, I could have been mistaken before it could have been anything, but now it's all too real.

I hear Peeta move then and the door to the room bangs behind him as he leaves. For a moment I simply lie there with my eyes clenched closed but then I can feel as the tears leak from my eyes, and I roll onto my back.

"I'm so sorry Katniss," she pauses and I listen to her soft breathing counting each breath as the silence stretches, "would you let me examine you."

Without opening my eyes I simply nod and she deftly pushes back the blankets. Her fingers are warm as they press against my skin and she asks me questions. I don't answer most of them, or the answer that I give her are in the form of a nod or a slight shake of my head. When she's done she pulls the blankets back up around me and I curl on my side away from her.

"By what I can gather I'd say you're about three months along, it's not unheard of to miss a pregnancy in the first trimester, especially with all the stress that you've been under," I want to laugh at her words instead I bury my face against my pillow and let the tears fall freely.

I feel as her hand ghosts across my hair but it doesn't move me I'm too far into my sorrow to care. I think she says something else as she sits with me but I can't get my brain to work enough to take in her words. Eventually I feel her rise from the bed and then the soft click of the door as she leaves. I give over to despair and cry until I collapse.

* * *

"Has she said anything yet," soft words in my room pull me back to reality.

"No she's barely moved at all," Patience's voice is quiet as she replies but I don't bother to move.

Someone sighs and I realise quickly that it's Haymitch. I wonder for a moment what he's doing here but realise swiftly that word must have spread in our little group of what's been happening. I feel the bed sink down as he drops onto it but I don't move, keeping my face buried into my pillow.

"This is a real mess you've dropped us into Sweetheart," his gruff words should be chastising, but instead they seem sad.

The sound of his voice breaks into my mind and I roll over to look at him. He's sat at the edge of the bed not too close to me, but close enough that he can reach out and run his hand along my arm as I turn. He tries to smile at me, but it looks so strange that it doesn't reassure me as I think he meant to.

"This is what I didn't want happening," he says softly and all I can do is swallow in response.

With a soft sigh he shakes his head and moves his hand from my arm to my hair. I can't help but close my eyes as I feel his fingers run through the loose strands of my braid, his touch is more comforting then I thought possible.

"Where's the boy?" I know his question isn't for me so I don't bother to open my eyes.

"I'm not sure, he left when we did the test," I can hear the hesitancy in her voice as she replies and a small sigh slips from my lips.

But Haymitch isn't happy at this and when I open my eyes I can see the anger plain on his face. For a moment I frown but before I can say anything he's up and off the bed flying from the room.

"Haymitch!" Patience calls after him but he doesn't stop and I realise quickly that he's going for Peeta.

Unsure what I'm really doing I throw the covers back and slide to the edge of the bed. Patience watches me quickly as I slip from the bed uncaring at my state of undress and pad across the room so that I can scoop up a dressing gown that's lying on top of the chest of draws. The pale green silk is cool as it slips around my skin but I pay it no mind, simply belting the material closed and I stride on bare feet out of the room. I can feel her moving behind me, but I don't say anything and neither does she.

We pass Effie in the main room who looks startled to see me but doesn't move. I ignore her and head in the direction I can tell Haymitch went since the doors are all open and ajar. As I hit the end of the hallway I can hear muffled voices above me and know that they are on the roof. Pushing the door open I head up the stairs stopping short of reaching the top as I know that it opens right out onto the roof. I can hear voices clearly now and their words stop me short.

"… So much pain right now," I catch the end of Haymitch's sentence and know he's talking about me.

"Don't you think I know that," Peeta's words are bitten off and angry, so unlike him that I shudder at the sound.

"Well do something then lover boy, she's your wife after all."

I hear as something bounces off the force field and know instinctively that Peeta has thrown something at it, "I know damn it Haymitch, but what am I supposed to say to her. How can I even look at her," a pain so keen slices through my body at his words that I have to reach out blindly to the wall or risk falling.

I feel Patience's hands against my back but I can't move, all I can do is hold onto the wall for dear life or risk collapsing. I knew he was angry with this but to hear his words now makes me want to throw up.

"How can I look at her Haymitch," his words now are little more than a whisper but I catch them, "when I know what I've done to her. She doesn't want kids, she didn't even want to be married before but somehow she agreed and I counted that blessing and I was happy to live a long life with her. But now, now we have to fight for our lives again and I have done this to her. Damn it I love her so much, how can I have let this happen," his last words are and anguished cry but suddenly all the weight has lifted from my body.

Peeta is blaming himself; he thinks that it's his fault this accident happened. He's not angry with me like I thought he would be, he's angry with himself. I can't take it anymore gathering what little strength I have left I push up the last of the steps bursting onto the rooftop. Haymitch turns guarded eyes to me as he spots me but I don't really see him, my eyes all for Peeta. He takes the sight of me in and stumbles forwards a few steps before he regains himself.

"Katniss what…" his words are cut off as I throw myself at him wrapping my arms around his neck.

Instinctively his arms come up around me pulling me against him and I bury my face against his neck.

"You left me, you can't leave me again," I mumble against his skin as I feel the tears start to spill forwards unbidden.

I can feel my body shaking with unwanted tears but I can't seem to stop as I take in the feel of his warmth under my fingertips. His lips press against my temple as he whispers to me and it takes me a second to understand his words.

"I'm so sorry Katniss I'm not going anywhere, I love you," he presses a kiss to my lips when I lift my head to look at him and I return the kiss urgently.

Bending slightly he lifts me against his body and I simply wrap my arms around him and hold on, "you're too light Katniss, you should be heavier than this," he whispers with a sad smile as he descends the stairs again and all I can do is simply nod as he carries me back to the bedroom.

When he lowers me onto the bed I clutch desperately at him and he simply gives into me crawling onto the bed so that he can pull me into his lap. His hand smooths over my hair a few times and I begin to feel sleep pulling me under again. I try to fight against it, haven't I slept enough recently, but it eventually wins and the darkness pulls me under to the sound of Peeta's voice.

"Sleep love I'll be here when you wake up, I'll always be here."

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A/N hope i didnt scare you all to much with the way Peeta was acting, i just see him in my head this way. he would be angry with himself for putting Katniss through this, completely forgetting that it takes two to tango lol. Hope to hear what you all thought x


	27. Showers

A/N thank you to the 12ppl who reviewed some my loyal follows some new you really really made my day. So to reward you here's another chapter.

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Sure to his words when I feel my body waking Peeta is wrapped around me. My head is resting against his chest and I can tell by the way his chest is rising that he isn't asleep, probably hasn't been the whole time I was out. I can feel him tugging ever so slightly on my braid and I know he's playing with the end of it, a nervous gesture that I can read so well now. For a moment I lay next to him simply listening to his heart.

"You hungry love?" his words skitter across my skin and I nod, letting myself feel everything I pushed down.

I look up at him as he looks down and our eyes collide. With a small smile he shifts and I know that he wants to get from underneath me so I lift myself slightly and he slides from the bed. I watch as he moves around the bed finally looking out at the window and realising that the sun is starting to lower in the sky. It won't be long until the parade now and I know that I have to get out of bed, but I just can't find the strength at the moment to move, so I simply watch him as he leaves and then close my eyes.

I must drop off again because the next thing I know he's sinking back onto the bed a small tray in his hands. Sitting up I balance against the headboard and he lays the tray across my lap, I must admit that everything he's brought me does look good. There's a bowl of fresh fruit all chopped to bite sized morsels, he's managed to scrounge up cheese buns and there's a steaming cup of hot chocolate. With a small smile I pop a grape in my mouth and watch him as he circles the bed to sink down on the opposite side.

I can still see the tension in his body and know that he is still angry with himself, but I know no matter what I say to him I'm never going to win that argument so I simply watch him as he watches me chew steadily.

"The parade is in two hours, Cinna convinced your prep team that you didn't need extra help, so he'll be here in a minute to style your hair and do your makeup," his voice is flat as he talks and it makes me frown.

Even with everything we've been facing his voice has never been like this and it worries me. I need my Peeta, not this person that has taken his place, but I don't say this to him knowing it will just upset him, so I nod as I take a bite of one of the buns. It doesn't taste as good as his do but I chew it slowly anyway.

"Portia said she could just get me ready here," he says and I know now that he's just trying to fill the silence something that he has never needed to do before.

Swallowing the lump of bun I press my lips together and stare at him, "what?" he asks his voice just as flat.

It's just too much, I can't hand this new flat Peeta. I need his warmth or I'm going to break apart completely. Even though I know it might not be a good idea I can no longer stand to just sit there and look into his cold eyes.

"Please stop Peeta," I whisper and he frowns at my words, "just stop blaming yourself. I need you, so please just stop," we stare at each other and I can see the pain ripple in his blue eyes before he closes down again.

With a sigh I look away and lift the cup to my lips sipping at the sweet concoction. It's warm as it slides down my throat but it does nothing to warm the cold that has settled around my heart. Before either of us can say anything else there's a small knock at the door and Peeta leaves the bed to let them in. I hadn't realised he'd locked it and I make a note to mention this to him when we have a moment.

When Peeta steps back Cinna appears, a small stylist bag in hand with a clothing bag thrown over his arm. He smiles warmly at me, a smile I have no choice but to return, and comes to perch on the edge of the bed as I carry on eating.

"Glad to see you eating," he says in his usual calm manner and all I can muster is a shrug.

He and Peeta both watch me until I've finished eating everything and then Peeta whips the tray away. Cinna directs me to take a shower and I comply slipping into the warm water with no protest. I let the heat settle my muscles and unkink the knots I've tied my body into, it feels wonderful and goes a long way to relaxing me.

About half way through my shower I hear Peeta slip into the room but I don't look at him, even as I can feel his eyes on my back. It's as I finish washing through my hair and decide that my body could do with a real good scrub that my hands falter. They land against my stomach and now I can feel this tiny life I stumble in my actions. I must be frozen for too long because Peeta appears at the door, a beige blob to my eyes.

"Katniss, are you alright," his voice is barely a whisper but it's not the cold dead voice he was giving me before, it's warm with his concern and every bit my Peeta.

Without thinking I push the door back and pull him into the shower, completely clothed. He yelps as the water hits him, but I simply pull him forwards more until his hand is resting over my stomach and I press my hand over his. Without saying anything I simply watch his face. He frowns at first unsure what I'm doing, his blue eyes flicking to me, but he must see something pleading in my eyes because he looks back down and presses his fingers against my abdomen feeling the roundness there.

His breath leaves him in something close to a sigh mixed with a moan and then he's moving against me so that he can press both hands to my abdomen. He drops to his knees in front of me, uncaring now that the water is streaming down his back, and presses his face against my bump, his lips against my skin. I know from that moment on that there will be no more coldness, but I also know that no matter what Peeta won't be the one that leaves the arena. I may have been able to trick him before, but now he will watch me none stop and I know for a fact that he'll have backup on that. I push those thoughts away though as his lips ghost over my skin and I can't help but close my eyes at the feel of it. If I give into the worry that tries to take over my heart I won't be able to function and right now I need to function at my height if I have a chance in hell of finding a loop hole in this chaos that could mean us both walking away with our lives. So I let myself soak in his love as he presses his face against me.

We stay like that for a few moments until Peeta gathers his wits and realises that he's kneeling on the floor in the shower as the warm water pours over his back. Without hesitation he climbs to his feet, strips off his sodden clothing and throws them out of the shower onto the floor with a wet slap. Gathering me against him he wraps me in a full body hug and I melt against his body. He holds me against him as his other hand reaches out to the automated dispenser and allows it to drop body wash into his palm. His fingers then return to my body lathering it up and I wrap arms around his neck holding on. There's nothing sexual in his touch, it's all caring and loving and it breaks my heart with worry thinking we won't have many times like this left.

Cinna knocks softly on the door a little while later letting us know that we need to get out and Peeta steps out first so that he can grab a fluffy towel to wrap around me. My hair is dry thanks to the technology the Capitol boasts in their showers but my body still drips a little so it's nice to snuggle into the towel. Peeta slings his own towel around his hips and then gripping my hand takes me out into the bedroom. Cinna and Portia are talking together as we enter and they both turn to smile at us.

There's no more talking for a while as they dress us in identical black body suits that look plain, but they promise will dazzle. Cinna leaves my hair lose, simply letting it wave down my back, but the circlets we wore before are back. He wants everyone to remember that we were the latest Victors that we above everyone else are getting the roughest deal since we haven't even had a year of peace together. He keeps my makeup minimum, though he does charcoal my eyes and when I look in the mirror I can't help but gasp, my eyes look larger than I have ever seen them before and definitely more haunted. But then I'm not sure if that's the makeup or the knowledge that I'm now carrying. I can't help but rest my hand on my stomach as I get ready, glad that the material though clingy doesn't seem to give away my secret.

When we're ready we head out to the elevators where Haymitch and Effie are waiting. They both ride down with us but when we reach the bottom they tell us where we need to go and then whisper a few directions before stepping back into the elevator and disappearing. Peeta takes my hand in his then his fingers warm and solid and I simply follow his lead as we enter the waiting area.

The other Victors, or should I say tributes, are mostly already here. Instantly I feel out of place since they all seem to know each other and it strikes me that they more than likely have known each other for years in some capacity or another. Most of these people here were probably mentors as we were going to be. I don't know if this is an advantage since because we don't know them we won't hesitate to kill them, or a hindrance since they won't hesitate for the same reason.

We quickly find our own chariot but I realise with a frown that we aren't alone there. Stood stroking his finger through our horses main is no other than Finnick Odair. I know his face well since he's one of the Victors that is paraded around the most, originally from district four he's been adopted by the capitol as their poster boy. I can't help but blush as I take in what he's wearing, or rather what he isn't since the 'artfully' arranged net doesn't leave much to the imagination and for the millionth time I'm thankful for our stylists. I really can't picture Cinna or Portia trying to make Peeta and I wear anything like that. He flashes us a grin the second that he sees us and saunters towards us. Peeta's hand drops from mine long enough for him to be able to wrap his arm around my hip and pull me against him, I can't help but sneak a look at his face unsure where the possessive move came from, but he's built up his walls again so I can't see past them.

"Well if it isn't the star crossed lovers of district twelve," Finnick stops in front of us, his hands on his hips and I resolutely stare him in the eye.

"We have names," I can't help but snap and he chuckles lightly.

"Ah yes the lovely Katniss they really weren't lying about your charms then," his hand darts out and snags mine and he lifts it to press a kiss to the back of it.

When he lingers a little too long Peeta clears his throat and Finnick's eyes snap to his. Whatever he sees stills the other man and he drops my hand.

"Oh and of course our golden boy, Peeta Mellark," Finnick nods to him and Peeta returns it not taking his eyes off him, "lovely to meet the both of you, wish it was under better circumstances."

I set my jaw at his words knowing if I start to say anything it could just get me in trouble. This man is so far in the capitols pocket that I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't report straight to Snow.

We exchange a few pleasantries until we are called to take to our chariots and with a wave over his shoulder Finnick saunters off. Peeta shakes his head at the other man as he leaves and then holds his hand out so that he can help me onto the chariot. I let my eyes wander searching for Cinna or Portia but I don't see either of them.

"Do you think we should switch our costumes on?" I whisper to Peeta who shrugs but then with a glance around nods.

I press the tiny button concealed against my wrist and Peeta does the same, and I watch in amazement as out costumes come to light. They aren't as bright as our fire costumes from the last games, but they are just as breathtaking. Cinna and Portia have dressed us in embers, we look like a coal fire that is burning out, casting warmth and glowing light from the inside out. I can't help but smile as I watch our costumes, and we aren't the only ones taking them in, I can feel more than one of our fellow tributes watching us.

As we stand ready to head out I realise that we haven't been given any instructions on how to act and Peeta reads the unspoken worry from my face.

"We have always been together and that's not going to change," so instead of just holding my hand as he did last year he moves until his body is right along mine and wraps his arm around my waist.

I feel his fingers settle against my hip, and shuffle closer so that he can do exactly what I know he wants to do. Instantly his hand smooths over the inside of my hip bone, his fingers dancing across my bump and I bite the inside of my cheek still unsure how touches like this make me feel, but it settles something in him and I can feel the tension leave his body.

When the doors are thrown open again his hand moves back to rest against my hip and we wait our turn, being the last out once again makes me nervous but soon we are called forwards and al thoughts of nerves leave my body as I concentrate on what is at hand.

This time we don't wave to the people, we ignore their calls and their cries for our attention. We are above all of this, these people have condemned us to death and we will give them nothing. I keep my eyes on a point far ahead but out of my periphery I catch glimpses of Peeta's and my face often and I know that we are dominating the screens once more. When we pull to a stop to wait for Snow Peeta moves giving up all pretence and stands behind me wrapping his arms possessively around my waist. I simply melt into his touch letting the warmth of him sink into my body as we wait.

I don't really hear Snow's speech, I just watch his face and will myself not to sneer at him. Every word that leaves his mouth is a lie so what do I care what sugar-coated lies he's feeding to the capitol, we tried to play his game and look where it has gotten us. So I watch his face and will him to look at us so that he can see that he hasn't broken our spirit if anything he has lit a fire under us the likes of which he has never had to deal with. When it's finally over I know we were a success since our faces are flashing everywhere but I really don't care.

Cinna and Portia appear the second we return ready to whisk us to change. We now have to deal with getting up close with Snow at his banquet and I just don't know if my stomach can handle that.


	28. Dizzy

Smoothing my fingers over my dress I listen to the sound of Effie and Haymitch whispering desperately to each other, I know they're having an argument and I also know that it's about me. Why they even bother to whisper is beyond me but I'm too tired to care. My stomach keeps flipping and I feel like I might throw up but I fight the feeling down knowing that Peeta is already on edge and my throwing up is just going to make it worse. A small shiver slips down my spine as I think about what is about to come but I feel heat against my skin as Peeta's hand appears there.

"I think I have to give Cinna a present to say thank you," he whispers his face pressed against my neck.

I can't help but smile at his words but I know exactly what he means. If Peeta had a thing for my bare shoulders, he definitely has a thing for my bare back. Cinna has dressed me in an emerald green slip of a dress that has a back that dips straight to my waist stopping just at my hips. I'm not really sure how he keeps the material in place, and I don't care about its mechanics, all I know is that it actually looks pretty good. There's no sleeves to this dress, just spaghetti straps to hold in place. It's more skin than I have ever show before especially since my hair has been pulled back into my signature braid thus leaving my skin completely open.

I lean back into the feel of his hand letting the warmth of his skin sink into my body. I can't help it when my eyes close at the feel of his touch and when I open them again he's circled around to stand in front of me. His smile is so bright and genuine that it takes my breath away momentarily, I haven't seen a smile like this from him in some time. I want to laugh at the fact that it takes a backless dress to get a smile like this from him but I don't say anything as I take in the sight of him.

Portia has dressed him a coal grey suite complete with jacket and a green tie made from the same material as my dress. For once they haven't jelled his hair back which I'm glad of, reaching up I slide my fingers into his hair feeling the downy softness of it. Brushing the strands back from his forehead my fingers trial down the side of his face until I can press them against his jaw.

The whole time he has kept his hands at his sides letting me explore but now his hand snakes out around my waist and pulls me in against his body. Hidden between our bodies his other hand rests against my stomach in a gesture that is becoming very familiar. We haven't had a moment to talk about what is happening, the fact that we are going to have a baby, and the fact that the chances of Peeta being here for it are very slim.

"Are you alright?" he whispers against me skin and I simply nod not trusting my voice.

"All right love birds team meeting," Haymitch's voice interrupts our moment and with a sigh Peeta steps back but his smile doesn't slip for once.

Wrapping an arm around my shoulder he leads me towards the sitting room where everyone is waiting for us. The sky outside the windows has grown black and I know that it's getting late, but this is all on Snow's time table and he wants things to run late.

I settle myself onto one of the sofa's expecting Peeta to sit with me, instead he stands behind the sofa and watches the room. Frowning at him I nod towards the vacant side of the couch but he just shakes his head at me, with a sigh I settle back against the sofa ignoring his suddenly possessive self. His hand slips down to caress the side of my neck and I have to suddenly really concentrate on what Haymitch is saying to take it in. his gruff words take a moment to come into focus and I bat at Peeta's hand trying to tell him without words what he's doing to be but he doesn't seem to get the message.

"Alright love birds I want you to mingle well tonight, talk to people and really get involved. Every other tribute has a few years jump on you already and we can't rely completely on the whole star crossed lovers bit to get us everywhere," even though Haymitch's words are rough I know that what he's saying is true.

Everyone else has already built up ties with people who could be possible sponsors over the years that they were mentors or simply in the capitol. I didn't know of any Victor who didn't work in some way with the capitol eventually. Some became artists with shows that sold to the movers and shakers, others went into the politics and became the people other tributes had to win over and of course other still became mentors. The mere thought of their head start was a little intimidating.

It was only as Peeta's fingers grazed over my skin pulling me back to reality that I realised Haymitch was still talking. Gritting my jaw I listened as he listed off people he wanted us to search out and I knew I would never remember what he was saying but I thankfully could rely on Peeta to take it all in. Glancing up at him I could see his steely resolution in the set of his jaw and knew that he would be able to keep on top of things for the both of us tonight.

Soon it's time for us to leave, and I stand steadily with Peeta, his larger hand enveloping mine. The car ride is steely silent, no one sure if they can find any words. I know that I can't and every time I look at Peeta all I want to do is cry, thank god Cinna had the forethought to put me in waterproof makeup.

When the car reaches the front of the house and I can see attendants helping people out of cars, I get a sudden flash of fear that grips me so tightly I can barely breathe. As always Peeta is so attuned to me that he's there instantly his hand dropping from mine long enough for him to wrap his arms around my body and pull me in against him.

"We will be fine, we just need to get through tonight," its lies really, we won't be fine, but he's right we do need to get through tonight.

Swallowing hard I nod to him and he gives me a weak version of the smile he only gives me.

When we reach the door everyone piles out first, including Peeta, but then he stoops down holding his hand out to me so that he can help me from the car. His eyes tell me that this is when the act begins and I plaster my capitol smile across my face. As I slip from the car I'm momentarily blinded by the flash of all the cameras lining the street. I know our faces will be plastered everywhere by the end of the night but that's just normal. I fight the urge to lay my hand over my stomach knowing that the cameras would see the gesture and broadcast it across the nation.

For a while we are stuck in a whirl of introductions and camera flashes and I'm able to push everything to the back of my mind, able to slip into the capitol Katniss guise that I've built to protect the ones I love. Peeta beside me is doing the same, smiling and laughing when he needs to. All I want to do is crawl onto the couch with him and curl myself around him, to grieve for what is happening, but I know that's not an option. So I'll keep my smile in place and wait.

About an hour and a half into the party Snow finally makes his appearance. I have to fight the urge to stab something in his eye when he approaches us, instead I cling to Peeta and smile warmly even if it does leave a bitter taste in my mouth.

"Evening mister President," Peeta's voice is cool as he talks but I feel how his hand tightens on my hip pulling me in against him harder.

"Good evening Mister Mellark," Snow's eyes flick to me and his smile deepens, "Miss Everdeen," my name sounds like something dark on his lips but I don't say anything I simply nod.

"I hope you are enjoying the festivities," his voice is sickly sweet as usual and I can feel the bile rising in my throat.

"A wonderful party as always, though I wish we were here on better circumstances this time."

Snow simply nodded as if he too was pained by us being here, but he didn't say anything more and I was glad of it, unsure how the churning in my stomach would have handled his words.

"Well I hope that you enjoy your time here in the capitol as you have before," his eyes flash to me then and I have to bite my tongue not to say anything.

Thankfully with a bow he walks away in search of the other victors, or should I say tributes, and once he's behind me I can't help but release the breath I have been holding.

All of a sudden it's too much for me and I press my hand to my stomach feeling it roll.

"Peeta," my voice is weak to my own ears but I can't seem to muster much at the moment, and when Peeta looks at me I can see the concern breaking through his mask.

"Katniss, are you alright?" his words seem distant and I know what's happening but all I can do is shake my head before I feel my legs going weak.

Instantly Peeta's there his strong arms sweeping under my legs and soon he has me cradled in his arms my head resting against his shoulder. I can't help it as I fold my hands over my stomach and the bump that is more prominent from this angle. I swim against the darkness determined not to let it pull me under, I can't be weak not now.

"Had too much to drink already then," damn it just what we need, Finnick's cool words whip over my body and I open my eyes to see his blurry image not far in front of me.

"I need somewhere to put her now," Peeta's voice is quiet but I can hear the darkness colouring it, his worry overriding everything.

There's a pause and I know Finnick says something, something that isn't a cutting remark but I can't pick it up, but then Peeta's moving again and I simply concentrate on not throwing up.

Closing my eyes is so much easier than fighting but I don't succumb to the darkness, instead I listen to his steady breathing letting it calm me. Thankfully we leave the glaring brightness of the great room and when I open my eyes again I find myself being laid down on a chaise lounge and Peeta carefully propping a pillow behind my head.

"I'll be right back love, I just need to find Haymitch or Cinna," his words are soft as he leans in to brush a kiss over my cheek and I want to reach for him to make him stay but he moves to quickly.

Once again I simply close my eyes again, letting my head fall back against the pillows as I press my hand against my bump feeling its rigid hardness under my fingertips. All too late do I realise that I'm not alone in the room.

When I open my eyes again it's to find Finnick hovering near me and uncharacteristically nervous look painted across his features. As he hovered near my head I couldn't help but smile at him.

"I'm not going to break, please sit down before looking up at you makes me dizzy," my words are breathy and before I realise what he is doing he's pressing a cool glass to my lips.

For a moment I simply stare into his eyes before I tilt my head and open my lips so that I can sip at the cool water. It feels wonderful as it slides down my throat and helps to quell the churning in my stomach.

When he removes the glass I let my head fall back and listen to the sound of him pulling a chair across the floor. When I open my eyes again he's seated next to me frowning slightly as if he's trying to puzzle something out.

"I thought the star crossed lover thing was a rouse," his words are low and I know he's worried someone could over hear him.

"It was," for some reason I find myself replying to him ignoring my earlier fears, this man sat nervously at my side doesn't seem to be a capitol puppet, "or at least it started that way, a way for us to survive the arena. But Peeta, well he could win anyone over," I can't help but smile at my last words.

Before he can say anything though there is a ban behind me and I know we have company, my body tenses for a moment until Cinna comes into view quickly followed by Peeta. Finnick steps back when Peeta moves up to my side allowing him to drop into his vacated chair. I can't help but watch Finnick as he steps back against the wall, where Haymitch greets him and the two start a very hushed conversation.

My mind is pulled back from them when Cinna presses the back of his hand to my forehead and then to my cheek.

"You seem a little flushed," he says as he reaches for the glass of water on a low table at my elbow.

He hands me the glass and this time I can wrap my fingers around it and lift it to my own lips.

"She almost fainted on me," Peeta's voice has gone back to being slightly distant and I know that it's the worry for me that's done it so I can't help but reach out and wrap my fingers in his.

He squeezes my hand when I look at him and I know that he'll be fine as soon as we're back in our own room.

"I feel better now, just a little tired is all," I do feel better now that I'm away from Snow but I don't say that out loud knowing that its words best left to where no one can overhear us.

"I think it's just been a rough couple of days, to many shocks to your system," Cinna smiles at me and I return it knowing that he's definitely right.

But this highlights something to me, I need to desperately take better care of myself. I will not be a liability in the arena, I will not get Peeta killed simply because he can't help his need to protect me. I've had my few days to wallow now I will do more to make sure I keep my strength up.

"We can't leave yet sweetheart," Haymitch's rough words pull my eyes to where he's still stood with Finnick, who now looks more put together.

"That's fine it was just a funny turn I'll be alright now," sitting up slowly I throw my legs over the side of the lounge and feel Peeta's steady hand on my back and I know he's ready to catch me.

For a moment I simply sit, breathing deeply to keep the churning from returning, my hand pressed over my stomach.

"Your pregnant aren't you," Finnick's words drop into the silence like a stone and we all turn to look at him.

What I see when my eyes collide with his wipes everything I had ever thought of him from my mind. The pain and the sorrow in his eyes tell me that this is a man that has lost just as much as Peeta and I have at the hands of the capitol. All I can do is nod in reply to his words and his lips come together in a grim line. For a moment he looks at my hands were they are pressed over my stomach protectively and then his eyes turn to Peeta's face and a strange determination flitters in their depths.

"I'm sorry," his words are for Peeta and there's more meaning to them than my still slightly foggy brain can digest at the moment.

Peeta nods in reply, one of those stoic manly nods that I have no hope of understanding at the moment. Instead of trying to decipher the under current in the room I push up from the lounge and feel the world tilt for a moment before I regain myself, in time to realise that four sets of hands have reached out to steady me.

"Easy men I'm fine," I reply feeling for some strange reason like I want to laugh at them.

Reaching out I snag Peeta's arm, wrapping my fingers around it as he bends it, and I steady myself against him.

Cinna smooths my dress for me, making sure I haven't smudged any of my makeup, before we all leave the side room with Finnick trailing behind us. Whatever lies at our feet I have a strange feeling that we might have just gained ourselves and ally.

* * *

A/N sorry for my long absence have been battling getting used to a new laptop (yay finally have my own!) dealing with stresses untold at work and then other no forgiving factors in my life. (including dilating drops in my eyes! if you have never had that done don't let anyone come at you with them they are sods and they take forever to ware off!) anyway I hope that this chapter is enough for you all to forgive me, and next chapter look forward to the interviews!


	29. Outings

A/N thank you one and all for your patience where this story is concerned I know I've been terribly lax recently but I had a slight case of writers block where this was concerned but thankfully my muse is smiling at me once again so I'm hoping to have more chapters a little more regularly for you now. I hope you enjoy this offering and I'd love some feedback to make sure you've not all abandoned me in my absence.

Oh and a special shout out to mikey1048 for spurring me on to get this chapter up today, hope you enjoy!

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The next morning is a solemn affair in our little group, it takes Peeta's coaxing to get me out of bed, and only the promise of cheese buns breaks the ice. I want to say something at breakfast, anything to make the people around me animate, but there's nothing I can say. We all feel the burden heavily against our hearts and today in these closed quarters we will not pretend for anyone.

With a blink breakfast is over and Effie aways to some place that she doesn't explain, or maybe she does and I just don't hear it. My brain isn't working properly this morning, it's hard to concentrate on much of anything at the moment. My thoughts tumble to Snow too often as I sit at the dining table, and then when we move to the sitting area. His smirk and evil eyes haunt me as I run my hand over my stomach feeling the little life inside me fighting for survival.

Peeta pulls me from my thoughts when he drops onto the sofa next to me and pulls my feet into his lap. Without a word he begins to rub my calves for me, easing an ache that I hadn't even noticed. As I watch him his eyes never turn to my face, but I can almost feel his thoughts against my skin.

"Spit out whatever you're thinking Peeta," I finally snap and his blue eyes usually so warm, but now full of ice snap to my face.

"We won't pull off another berry incident Katniss, we barely managed the last one and look where it got us," he pauses then to reach out and place his hand over my stomach his eyes closing for a moment before he centres them back on me, "you have to fight Katniss. I need that girl who was willing to break the law and hunt to keep her family alive. The one that showed the capitol she wasn't there's by giving Rue a flower burial. I need her back, and I need her mind to be on one thing, that you will survive and protect our child," his fingers clench on my stomach then and I swallow convulsively at the tone in his voice.

His words broach no comeback, they are law as far as he is concerned and he won't stand for anyone breaking it, especially from me.

For a moment I can't say anything as I simply stare into his eyes trying to find the words that I need to express how I'm feeling. I want to scream at him not to give up, that there's a way, even though I know it's a lie. I want to tell him that I could never live through him dying, true words all of them, but something I know he won't hear even if I scream it at him. My Peeta, still the boy who thinks of himself as undeserving. For a moment I curse what has happened, this little life, without it I could have kept him alive. Instantly I regret the thoughts and I know it's reflected in my eyes as Peeta's jaw tightens for a moment.

Before I can say anything though Cinna appears in the doorway drawing Peeta's attention to him and for a moment I can breathe.

"We're expected to make some kind of appearance today," his words are soft delivered in Cinna's usual tone but I can hear the unspoken words behind it.

We need to pull ourselves together and prepare for the show. Nodding Peeta slips my legs from his lap and stands walking towards Cinna. I can hear their soft words as he reaches my designer but I don't listen, my mind wandering back to the party.

Thankfully the night passed without any more run ins with Snow, I heard him around the party more than once, his presence a burning heat against my skin whenever he got to close. Thankfully he never came and talked to me again, my stomach definitely wouldn't have been able to handle that, but I more than once felt his eyes on my skin. For the rest of the evening we were the perfect pair, laughing joking and dancing along with everyone else.

Through the night I met and talked with other victors/tributes, seeing the same fire and hatred flare in their eyes as I knew was within mine. We talked pleasantries with each other whenever we crossed paths, but as normal I left most of it to Peeta. I mostly watched him and the way he moved between them all so easily, laughing with them like he'd known them all of his life. It only seemed to be me that could pick out the fact that his eyes were flat as he talked to them his smile never reaching them.

I pull myself from my thoughts when Haymitch enters the room, grunts at me and promptly turns on his heal to leave. After my little episode last night he hasn't even made eye contact with me and I have no idea why he's suddenly being so strange around me. Well stranger than usual anyway. I dismiss him straight away, my mind already to tangled to deal with the things that had come up, I didn't have space to add more worry.

"Feel up to getting dressed?" Peeta's word pulls my attention.

I nod to answer and climb from my comfy spot to follow Cinna. As always Peeta is at my back as I move and I can feel the heat of his body burning against my skin. I don't bother saying anything to him, knowing he won't leave me alone, he hasn't yet once.

Our teams are waiting in our room when we arrive and set to work instantly. My three plucky torturers bemoan the bags under my eyes and plead with me to get more sleep next time they have to work on me. All I can do is nod and make insincere promises that I'll try harder even though that isn't likely.

Today they paint my eyes in soft green, bringing out the matching colour in my hazel eyes. They paint my lips in a deep red that reminds me too much of blood, but I bite back on complaining knowing that Cinna never does anything without a plan and I have learnt to trust him in everything now. They dress me not in a dress for once, but a pair of deep brown slacks, that are loose around my waist. The pockets are large so that I can slip my hands into them easily, it looks like a perfect part of the design, and not like camouflage. The silk green shirt they top the outfit off with is loose and billowy as well, cinched at my ribs under my bust slightly but not tight in anyway. Cinna adds a pair of slip on flats in green that are soft and comfortable and I know this is a safety precaution in case I go dizzy again.

They mess with my hair for a while unsure what to do but eventually settle on soft waves that are held back from my face with artfully placed clips, made in leaf designs, when we're done I look vaguely like I've been running around in the forest and I like it.

When I lay eyes on Peeta I stop breathing for a moment. They've left his hair the way I love, his fringe falling slightly into his eyes, he's wearing an emerald green shirt that's a deeper version of mine, but over it he's wearing a brown vest that matches his slacks. His hands are in his pockets as he turns to me and he looks like something out of a fantasy. This is definitely my favourite outfit so far. Cinna hands him a jacket in the same soft brown as his vest to top the outfit up and turns to me, his brow lifting in a silent question. I can't help but lick my lips and nod and he knows I approve.

Things move quickly for a moment after we're ready, Haymitch comes to give us his usual be on guard speech which I mostly tune out having heard it to many times to count. I listen to Effie though as she goes through our semi itinerary. We don't have a schedule today, except for the interview this evening, but for the day they want us to go out and be seen and they have a few 'suggested' places they want us to be caught.

And then it's time to go, Haymitch and Effie ride down the elevator with us, and for once we don't stop on any of the other floors to pick anyone else up. For a moment I wonder over the other Victors and what they are doing with their semi freedom, but then we hit the lobby and I have to concentrate on simply walking.

The second we step from the elevator we spot the crowd that's waiting for us at the doors to the building.

"Alright you two, its show time," Haymitch whispers before he gives us a little shove.

I stumble for a moment and a picture of me going face first into the ground flashes through my head, but of course I needn't have worried since Peeta's hand darts out to capture my arm and right me before we've even taken two steps. He cast a glare over his shoulder at Haymitch who simply shrugs before turning back to me. With a smile that doesn't quiet reach his eyes he moves my hand until it's looped around his arm and gripping his bicep which I can feel tensing under my fingertips.

When the elevator doors close were alone in the lobby except for the doorman that is watching us expectantly. Taking a breath I squeeze Peeta's arm and then were moving and I can feel my Capitol smile slipping into place as the first flashes of the camera catch us. I hadn't really expected the camera's to be so thick, but then I should have, but it seems that Peeta did and I can tell by the set of his jaw even as he smiles.

Reaching the door the doorman steps forward his hand slipping to the doorhandle before he turns to look at us.

"There is a car waiting on the other side of the crowd that will take you wherever you like," his says his voice rough and I take in the fact that he doesn't look like others in the Capitol, he's to plain and I wonder if he's come from another district that us.

Peeta nods to him and all I can do is give him a smile, one that I know isn't entirely convincing, as he pulls the doors open and the wave of sounds hit us. For a moment I'm disorientated and can't help closing my eyes against the flashes. Sensing how my body has tensed Peeta moves so that he can wrap his arm around my waist until his hand is gripping my hip and he can pull me in against him. His other hand comes up to stroke across my cheek giving my eyes a rest from the flashes for a second, but the press around us goes wild at the gesture and suddenly they're calling to us.

"Alright love?" he asks softly so only I can hear and I simply nod as I rest my forehead against his shoulder.

We stay like that for a second or two until I'm sure I can move and then I lift my face from his shoulder and smile out at the cameras. We pose for a moment listening to the directions being shouted at us, until I'm sure I'll have permanent retina damage.

"I think we'll call it there guys, I've promised Katniss a peaceful walk," Peeta calls out his tone light and teasing and the camera's around us instantly lower as the photographers smile at him.

He really is a charm machine and as we walk forward the crowd parts for us so that we can reach the car without any trouble.

When we settle in the back Peeta loops his arm around my shoulder and pulls me against him. Even in the quiet of the back seat we're still being watched so we wave as we pass pockets of people.

"Where are we going first?" I ask the driver knowing that he would never ask where we want to go.

"The botanical gardens," he says simply, his eyes scanning over me in the mirror before he looks back to the road.

I can feel how tense Peeta is beside me and I know he's worried but he still smiles as I do and neither of us says another word as we drive.

When we pull up outside the gardens there's a woman waiting for us that reminds me a lot of Effie and for a moment I wonder if their related. Her bright orange hair is piled on top of her head in thick curls, with a few that trail down to touch her shoulders. She has slightly yellow skin and her lips are glittery orange, not the worst I've seen in the Capitol but still strange. With a grin she reaches for the door to open it for the both of us and Peeta steps out first turning to take my hand and help me out.

"I'm so glad you chose to come here first," she titters as she steps back and I smile at her though I feel like shouting.

Of course we're here first we're fallowing orders as usual, but as I look at her and her bright smile I wonder if she even realises that we didn't pick our destination.

"Of course I've heard about this place and I've been dying to bring Katniss here," Peeta says as he bows his head to her slightly.

Her smile falters for a moment as her eyes collide with his and I can see a slight tinge in her cheeks that I quickly realise is her version of a blush. Nudging Peeta I tell him with my eyes to tone it down, though he simply grins at me.

"I'm Cali, the coordinator for the gardens, I thought I could show you around a little before we leave you alone," she turns then and Peeta and I fall into step behind her, his hand slipping down to grip mine.

"We've restricted to photographers to certain areas, we didn't want them tripping you up after all," she laughs then like her joke is hilarious and both me and Peeta laugh with her though I want to throttle the woman, "but of course we couldn't keep them out. Everyone wants to see you after all."

Casting a quick smile over her shoulder at us she opens the door and stands back ushering us in. instantly I feel the heat difference and it staggers me for a moment.

"Oh I should have warned you, this part of the building is a tropical greenhouse, all of the plants here are used to warm climates so we have to keep the place hot," she gestures to her side and a man rushes forwards with a tray, "these are water bottles, there's some scattered around the place so please help yourself."

With a bow he holds the tray out to us and I reach to grab a bottle at the same time Peeta does our fingers colliding. I can't help the nervous giggle that slips from my lips and the smile he turns and gives me is the first genuine one vie seen in a while. Besides us Cali sighs and I know she's going to report this little moment to all of her friends once we're done. Peeta snags a green bottle and hands it to me before he takes hold of a blue one. Instantly I sip at its little straw realising the water has a slightly flowery taste to it that isn't unpleasant. Peeta doesn't sip his though and I have a feeling he's taken it for me just in case we don't find another one before I need another drink. Drinking deeply I move with Peeta as his hand comes back to entwine with mine and the tour begins.

I admit that the plants this greenhouse hold are amazing, their flowers larger than I have ever seen and you wouldn't believe that something so green could thrive in the heat. Cali keeps up a running commentary as we pass through what she calls the summer building and most of what she says I can't take in she's talking so fast but that doesn't seem to bother her. She barely looks at me as we move, her eyes mostly for Peeta and I know for a fact he has her completely under her spell.

When we exit the summer building I can't help but shiver even though I know it isn't cold outside, and we pause for a moment as Peeta strips off his jacket to loop it around my shoulders. As I turn I hear the tell-tale snick of a camera shutter and know we are being photographed at that very moment but I push that aside as I wrap my fingers in the soft material and pull it around me.

"Thank you," I whisper out my voice breathy and he smiles down at me.

"Any time love," he whispers back before he presses a kiss to my forehead.

The moment passes to quickly and soon we're moving again and we find ourselves in the main courtyard between the greenhouse buildings, an open courtyard that is full of people from the Capitol. As one they seem to notice us and then we're being bombarded with people asking for autographs and pictures with us to which of course we oblige. Thankfully Cali keeps them from swamping us and silently indicates for guards that I hadn't seen before to step forwards. Soon she has us whisked into another building, this one also warm but not nearly as warm as the summer building.

She leaves us alone to wander this building and I'm thankful as I grip at Peeta's arm desperately. We've only been out a little over an hour but I can feel how weak my body is feeling and I don't like it.

"Want to sit love," Peeta whispers in my ear and I nod as he leads me towards a bench.

For a moment we sit silently but then he brushes the hair from my neck and I suck in a breath as his lips come down to kiss my neck. My eyes flutter shut at the feel of it and I can feel my body heating under his touch.

"We're not alone here," I whisper as I turn and find his lips bare inches from mine.

His eyes are dilated and I can tell that he's really feeling for me at the moment, which makes the fact that we're definitely being filmed right now more bearable. If this had been an act for the cameras I wouldn't be able to do it, but then nothing Peeta has ever done has simply been for the cameras. Giving in to my own need I lean into his body and let him kiss me, his lips fiery as they slant over my skin. I can taste his desire on my tongue and for a moment I give myself over to it. When he pulls back eventually the both of us are panting softly and I can feel his smile even if I can't see it. A thought spills through my mind but I push it down even as it echoes around, _I am going to miss this so much. _


	30. Truths

Starring at my plate I'm not really sure what is on it, fork in hand I push the food around so that Peeta will think I've eaten but my stomach doesn't feel strong enough. I took a bite, I really did try but I know if I eat any more I'm going to be sick. Looking up I catch Peeta's eye and even though his face doesn't give anything away to the casual on looker I know he can read me, that he sees that I'm not feeling right. I do my best to smile at him but he doesn't return it, his own eyes wandering out of the window to our right.

I have to admit that the view is spectacular even if it's something I'm not used to. The restaurant we are sat in is at the top of one of the highest towers I have ever seen, giving us a clear view out over the city teaming with life down there. As always in the capitol the weather seems perfect, the clear blue skies untouched by any sign of cloud. If I lift my eyes to the top of the window I can almost imagine I'm back home, outside of the fences, one of my traps ready to bring me a fat rabbit, but then I look down and the illusion is shattered.

Reaching out across the table Peeta clasps my hand in his and I turn my eyes back to him.

"All done love?" he asks the falseness of his tone grating against my skin.

I give him my best capitol smile, hoping I've pushed some of that sparkle into my eyes Cinna is always going on about, and nod my head not trusting my voice. Peeta squeezes my hand as I feel other eyes than just his on my face but I refuse to acknowledge them. I keep my eyes locked on his ocean blue ones as he rises and holds a hand out to me to help me to my feet. As always he reads me easily and instead of taking off straight away he steadies my elbow for a moment, disguising my moment of weakness by burying his face against my neck to press a kiss along my skin.

Before I can turn and return the favour a waiter appears at our elbow breaking into the moment. I hear more than one murmur of protest as I turn to face him, others just as annoyed as I am that Peeta's attention has been drawn from me.

"Was everything to your liking?" his voice is that light sing song that only capitol employees seem to be able to manage and I turn my best sparkling smile to him even as I leave Peeta to answer.

"It was all wonderful, as everything here always is," he says as he reaches out to take the man's hand and shake it.

The waiter, who I'm sure told us his name but I just can't seem to recall it, splutters for a moment before slipping his hand into Peeta's. Peeta grins as he shakes the man's hand and then drops it and I don't fail to see the man wince a little and flex his fingers as his hand dropped back to his side. I'm more than sure as Peeta takes my elbow and begins leading me towards the elevator that stories of Peeta's strength will spread through the city tonight and I'm glad. I know every move that Peeta does is well planned and thought and this is just one more step in the right direction.

When the doors of the elevator close behind us Peeta sweeps his arms around my waist and pulls me in against him.

"Katniss," he moans out before his lips descend on mine and fire pours through my body at his touch.

For a moment we allow ourselves to be lost in the kiss and the feel of our bodies pressed tightly together. But soon the elevator slows and we pull back slightly to a more respectable level. When the doors slide open we're assaulted by flashes as the camera's kept at bay finally find us and once again I know our faces will be plastered everywhere along with the other tributes.

The rest of the afternoon spills by in a blur, and I don't really pay attention to where we are. Thankfully soon enough we are given some space since we have to get back to the tower to get ready for the interview tonight. I still haven't had chance to talk to Peeta about exactly what we are going to tell the public at large, after all we have quite a few secrets we could tell them now.

The floor is quiet when we return to the towers and I realise that Effie and Haymitch are still gone. One look around at the fact that no one is there and Cinna knows exactly what's on my mind.

"They are still out, they're not allowed to officially bank sponsors until the games start for real, but they are doing their best to get them on board now," I nod at his soft words as he pulls me down the hallway to mine and Peeta's room where he leaves us alone for a moment with strict instructions to strip and wash.

With a sigh I slip onto the bed and push my shoes off but don't move anymore as my eyes are caught by Peeta. He's shrugged out of the vest, throwing it over a chair in the corner, and his fingers are making fast work of his shirt buttons to reveal his chest. His eyes aren't on me for once and I have a moment where I can take him in. My body is all too aware of the fact that he hasn't made love to me since we found out about the baby, though his heated touches and kisses have been enough to turn my body molten.

Without thinking I rise to my feet and I'm in front of him before he realises it.

"Katniss?" he questions but instead of saying anything I push my hands against his chest forcing him back against the dresser, the hooded look to his eyes shatter as he takes in the fire in my own.

His hands come up then and push into my hair and I feel as the clips give way and scatter to the floor but I pay them no mind suddenly drowning in him. I can tell that he's been scared to touch me, the knowledge of the baby and how I've been for the last few days making it hard for him, but right now there's just the two of us and the need that has been pulling out our bodies all day.

I moan as his lips collide against mine, my own parting of their own accord to allow him access and his tongue darts across mine coating me in the taste of him. Another moan slips into his mouth as his hands leave my hair and slide down my arms until they come to a rest at my hips so that he can tug at my top. I step back long enough for him to pull my shirt from my body and then I press my bare skin against his feeling the heat of him settle into my very being. For a moment I think of what the world will be like when I can't do this, when I can't give myself over to drowning in him and my heart flutters, but I push down the panic that I know waits in the wings for me. If I think about a life without Peeta I'd be able to little more than to breathe and even that would be painful.

My thoughts scatter as I feel his hands on my shoulders pushing down my bra straps and I let them fall from my body before he flicks the clasp at the back letting the material fall off me completely.

"Gods Katniss you're beautiful," he whispers before he lowers his head again and this time his lips lock across one of my nipples.

I gasp at the feel of his tongue sliding over my skin, my breast have been aching most of the day but the feel of his hands massaging them seem to ease it a little even as it sends heat to pool in my belly.

Soon enough we have each other completely out of our clothing and Peeta lifts me so that I can wrap my legs around his waist. Both of us are acutely aware of the fact that we don't have a lot of time and Cinna and Portia will be back soon to dress us, but that doesn't stop us. Peeta carries me into the bathroom even as I feel his hardness pressing against me. I gasp as I feel the cool tile of the bathroom wall against my back as Peeta leans me there so that he can grip my hips.

"I can't hold back love," he whispers and I simply moan in response as I feel him sliding against me.

With a moan he thrusts into my body and I throw my head back a scream locking in my throat at the feel of him filling me. There's a comfort to him being so deep inside me that I know I will never be able to get from anything else. Being like this with him, with no barriers between us is like nothing else I have ever felt and never will again, and I know I will never love anyone like I love Peeta.

His arms slip around me so that he can pull me in against his body and then he's rocking against me his body pulling from mine only to plunge deep into me again. It doesn't take long for me to feel the heat in my core and as he lowers his head to kiss me again I know it's enough and I shatter around him. He holds me to him as I shatter and then he begins to move again, each thrust drawing out my own pleasure even as his own builds. With a grunt he thrusts one last time into my body and I feel him spill deep inside of me.

Panting I hold onto him, my arms wrapped around his shoulders, even as his own wrapped around my hips holding me tightly against him. When he finally pulls back I give him a shaky smile which he returns before he slants his lips over mine in a gentle kiss. When he lowers my feet to the floor I can feel how shaky my legs are and Peeta has to steady me before I can move.

"I'm sorry love, I never meant to be so rough with you," he whispers out into the silence and I turn to find his eyes are closing down on me again.

Desperately I reach for him and pull him down so that I can kiss him, "never be sorry for that. I needed that just as much as you did," I whisper as I press my forehead against him and I can feel him smiling.

We make short work of the shower, Peeta helping to wash my hair knowing how much I love the feel of his hands in my hair. When we leave the bathroom wrapped in towels it's to find Cinna sat at the edge of our bed our discarded clothing neatly folded at his side. I can feel a blush creeping along my cheeks but he simply smiles when he lifts his eyes to us.

"Come on you two time to get dressed," he stands then and walks to the garment bags he has hanging up handing each of us our own.

I look to Peeta who shrugs and watches as I lay out my bag and unzip it. I frown as I look down at the material, running its softness through my hands. It's the sunset dress, the wedding dress that was picked for me and I was never to wear, as my eyes flashed up to Cinna I didn't know what he was doing but I didn't say anything. Instead I stood back as he pulls the dress from the garment bag and lays it out smoothing invisible creases from the material.

"It's a beautiful dress Cinna," Peeta says at my elbow and I turn to find that his eyes have hardened again.

"I let it out a little so it'll be lose around your hips Katniss, but other than that it's the dress you picked."

The room falls silent as Cinna and Peeta help me into the dress, doing up all the tiny buttons at the back with deft fingers. By the time Portia arrives to get Peeta ready, and my prep team arrives to do my hair, I'm sat in front of my dresser my eyes scanning over the dress I was supposed to marry my husband in. the only reason I'm not crying right then was because Peeta was already my husband and no one would be able to take that away from me.

I simply sit silently in front of the mirror watching as my prep team does my makeup and weaves my hair with golden thread again so that it shimmers as I move my head, though it's held in place completely. Over my shoulder I see Peeta as Portia steps back and see that she had dressed him in a simple black tuxedo with gloves and tie that match my dress, something a groom would definitely wear.

When the prep is done we are led out into the hallway and I smooth my hands over my dress as Cinna lifts the back of it and arranges it properly. The bodice of it is fitted and tight against my skin, but true to his word Cinna has let out the material so that it flares from my hips into a long shirt that will swirl around my legs as I move. The heels that I've been put into make me feel a little unsteady but Peeta never leaves my side.

When we pile into the elevator Haymitch and Effie join us, though I don't know how long it will be that they can stay with us. We stop on the way down as other tributes pile into the elevator with us and my eyes lock onto Finnick when we stop on his floor and let him in.

"Why on earth did Cinna dress you in that?" he asks into the silence and I have no words to reply.

"He didn't have a choice, Snow insisted on it," Haymitch's words rack me and I turn to look at him and all he does is give me his usual hard eyes.

When we reach the bottom and head towards where the interview is going to be other Victors make a comment about the way we are dressed but the word soon spreads that it isn't our choice, that this has come from Snow directly.

When we are lined up another of the Victors makes her way to us. She stops in front of us eying the clothing and reaches out to lift a strand of my hair away from my shoulder, when she does it reveals the mockingjay pin Cinna pinned there and her eyes flash to mine.

"Make him pay for this," Johanna's whispered words are harsh and before I can reply she turns on her heal and heads back to take her place.

Johanna is one of the Victors I have seen watching me, I know her story as others in ever district do, but now I'm starting to see all of these people in different lights. Finnick bows his head to me as my eyes scan over him before he turns back to his partner. It's with a heavy weight that I realise that for me to survive to give life to my child each of these people here are going to have to die.

Peeta and Haymitch are whispering angrily to each other once more, but I don't pay attention to the words. I know what they are discussing, it's the same thing they've been discussing for some time. They are fighting over what we should tell the capitol, what words about our live Panem should know. Haymitch was always against us marrying in secret, so now he's definitely against us making it public, but what's the use in keeping it quiet, what more could they possibly do to us.

Before the argument can truly become too heated all of the mentors are rounded up and herded out of the hallway. Peacekeepers appear from nowhere and with a few pointed glances herd the rest of us down the corridor. It's then that I can hear the low hum of hundreds of voices and I realise that this interview like the others is going to be in front of a live audience. I don't know why this makes things harder since it's what I should have been expecting but I still feel my stomach flip.

We're led into a waiting area where thankfully there are chairs for us to sit on and I drop heavily into mine even as Peeta hovers at my elbow his eyes scanning constantly over the other faces, many of which are watching us. I hear Caesar's voice come from somewhere nearby but the sound is muffled and it isn't until a peacekeeper arrives for the first of us that we know the interviews have begun.

When Finnick is called he winks at me over his shoulder and I watch as his capitol façade slips into place. It's strange to watch his eyes turn from haunted to sparkling and I realise quickly that each of us wears masks to hide the pain and suffering we go through from those in the Capitol. What would it be like if they actually saw what this did to us?

Johanna steps in front of me before she is called her hard eyes flashing at me as she eyes my dress once more before she is called up. She grin's wickedly at me and I can't help but feel a shiver run along my skin at the sight of it. I'm glad when she's gone and I reach blindly for Peeta's hand so glad that he can read me so well as he's waiting ready for me.

Eventually we are alone in the waiting area, all the other Tributes having been interviewed and moved off someplace else. I take this moment to stand and wrap myself around Peeta who buries his head in my hair breathing me in even as his hand comes up to massage my neck. I cling to him feeling the little bubble of panic in my stomach threatening to burst forwards. Squeezing my eyes shut I try hard to centre my mind in someplace better. I let images of our shared room at home wash over me, of the easel in the corner that Peeta has taken to painting on, of my bow tucked under the bed along with my father's jacket. The smell of cheese buns in the morning, and the feel of waking with Peeta wrapped around me and the sun slanting over our bare skin warming us.

"Where did you go just now?" Peeta's voice slips into my peace, not breaking it but simply changing it.

"Some place better," I whisper in return as I lift my face a little and he rewards me by placing his lips against mine in a soft kiss.

"District 12," a gruff voice to our side calls breaking into a small pocket of peace.

Peeta steps back and sighs as he turns to say something to the peacekeeper.

When he turns back he smiles at me, and though it's small it's a genuine Peeta smile just for me.

"Ready love?" he asks as he holds out his hand to me and all I can do is take it and squeeze.

"As I'll ever be," I reply returning his smile if a little weaker.

He nods and we turn as one to follow the peacekeeper. When we reach the stairs the man steps to the side allowing us to pass him, but something about the man catches my eye and as he turns away from us I could have sworn I saw the flash of light off something metallic, something that looked suspiciously like the pin now pinned to my shoulder. But all thoughts of the peacekeeper are pushed from my mind as the raw of the crowd washes over us.

We stand at the periphery of them all while we wait to be introduced and then Caesar's voice once again calls our names and everyone gasps as one as we emerge. For a moment there is silence and I worry about the reaction, but then cries of pain can be heard and I realise what is wrong. We are their star crossed lovers, sentenced to death and we are wearing our dream wedding clothing as funeral garb. It's twisted but it drives home to them exactly what is happening, this has moved us beyond simply entertainment and into the realm where we are actual people.

Caesar greats the both of us when we reach him, shaking Peeta's hand and then taking mine to kiss the back of it. He smiles softly at me as he pats my hand reassuringly as we take our seats.

"Unusual choice of clothing my lovelies," he says finally breaking the ice.

"Well we wanted everyone to see what they chose for us since we won't be having our wonderful wedding," Peeta's words are clear but soft and it has the desired effect since more than one of the crowd calls out in protest.

I turn my eyes to him, not fighting back the pain that is threatening to bubble over. I want these people to see, see what it looks like to know you are either going to die or watch the person you love more than life die. I want them to feel the pain that is tearing at my heart with every breath, want them to know what this is going to be like.

Caesar launches into the usual host silly questions, how we've found the capitol this time, what the food is like, what we plan to do with our time here but soon he has no choice but to ask the hard questions, ones that they probably don't really want him to ask, but he's going to anyway.

"So what was it like to know you were likely to be going back into the games," his question drops into silence as everyone holds their breath waiting for our answer.

"It was like dying a little Caesar I won't lie," Peeta's words rock the audience and I can hear more than one person crying, "to think we had survived to only have to go back is hard, but it was oh so much worse than that."

He looks at me then, his hand coming up to cup my cheek and I give him a small smile telling him I'm with him.

"Why Peeta?" Caesar's soft words pulls Peeta's eyes from my face for a moment, but a he flicks them straight back to mine.

"Because we didn't wait," there are gasps as people realise what he means but he pressed on his hand dipping from my cheek down until he runs it along my neck and his fingers delve into my collar and pull out the necklace with the ring.

People in the crowd call out as he pulls the necklace from around my throat pulling the ring free and slips it onto my hand. I smile softly at him as he places a kiss to my finger and then I reach out to pull his ring from his shirt and I slip it onto his hand. For a moment we simply stare at each other until Caesar calls for quiet and our attention is drawn back to him.

"Are you telling me that you are married?"

I swallow knowing I can't keep quiet this whole interview and know now is as good a time as any to speak up.

"Not in the way of the capitol, but back in our district there's a ceremony that we do called a toasting. It nothing official but from that moment on a couple is married and is treated as such," I turn to look at Peeta silently asking him to pick up the story and he easily does.

"We weren't going to tell anyone, but since we weren't going to get out big wedding," his words are punctuated by calls from the audience and I know now that he has them really riled up, "well we thought you'd like to know that we had at least this little time together."

The interview dissolves after that considering the crowd has grown so loud that no one can actually hear anything we are saying and Caesar quickly wraps it up. When we are whisked out the other side to where the other tributes are waiting I expect them to be angry with us but more than one of them comes and pats us on the back.

"You showed them," Johanna says with a laugh as she passes and I can't help but smile at her.

"Well you've gone and done it now kids," Haymitch's words break through the small amount of happiness that I had found and I glower at him before taking Peeta's hand and leading him towards the elevator.


End file.
